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Switch to Forum Live View Help me! I feel like I am drowning and need a life line!
6 years ago  ::  Apr 09, 2009 - 5:34PM #1
Mamalett
Posts: 1

I don't know where else to go.  I have been in an ugly custody fight over my 13 yo daughter.  I had the witnesses (teachers, other parents, Boys and Girls club faculty), a professional evaluation Court appointed for all parties) that stated that my daughter needed to stay with me.  My ex-husband brought no witnesses and lies to the stand.  Most of the things that he said I had evidence to show otherwise.  My lawyer is new, his was established and has a personal relationship with the judge.  Everything I presented, all the testimonials, even my daughter's own, was dismissed.  When my lawyer brought up the evaluation that the judge ordered, she stated, "I don't have to listen to anyone's recommendations.  I make my own."  My daughter is now in Maryland with my ex having sole custody.  My ex stated that I planned to take my daughter out of the country and run with her.  I just built a new home.  I don't have a passport myself and have never applied for one.  It was enough for the judge to only allow me one supervised visitation per month, and 2 monitored phone calls per week.  We are scheduled to go to court again in June.  I have found a new lawyer, however, I have to come up with $5000 before the end of the month.  I know that in June this order will become permanent and I will probably lose my daughter for good.  I can appeal it-cost $10,000 to start and up to a year to be heard.  I have always insisted to my children to be truthful.  I have loved them unconditionally and have supported them.  My adult daughter graduated sigma cum laude from Wilmington, NC  and is vice-president of the JayCees of Lee County.  I always felt that God would be there for us as long as we believed and had faith and told the truth.  My whole world is crumbling and my faith with it.  Please pray for us, financially and spiritually. Thank you.

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 10, 2009 - 2:13AM #2
Muncapher
Posts: 1

 I am so sorry to hear about your cituation! My brother is in a similar cituation right now, and at times I don't how he finds the strength to keep fighting! Unbelievable how our family courts work these days!!! Don't worry, you will deffinately be remembered in my prayers! Also if you need someone to vent on - I'm only an e-mail away!


 God Bless! & Good luck!


 Marcy Uncapher

MARCY UNCAPHER
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6 years ago  ::  Apr 10, 2009 - 10:25AM #3
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

Apr 9, 2009 -- 5:34PM, Mamalett wrote:


I don't know where else to go.  I have been in an ugly custody fight over my 13 yo daughter.  I had the witnesses (teachers, other parents, Boys and Girls club faculty), a professional evaluation Court appointed for all parties) that stated that my daughter needed to stay with me.  My ex-husband brought no witnesses and lies to the stand.  Most of the things that he said I had evidence to show otherwise.  My lawyer is new, his was established and has a personal relationship with the judge.  Everything I presented, all the testimonials, even my daughter's own, was dismissed.  When my lawyer brought up the evaluation that the judge ordered, she stated, "I don't have to listen to anyone's recommendations.  I make my own."  My daughter is now in Maryland with my ex having sole custody.  My ex stated that I planned to take my daughter out of the country and run with her.  I just built a new home.  I don't have a passport myself and have never applied for one.  It was enough for the judge to only allow me one supervised visitation per month, and 2 monitored phone calls per week.  We are scheduled to go to court again in June.  I have found a new lawyer, however, I have to come up with $5000 before the end of the month.  I know that in June this order will become permanent and I will probably lose my daughter for good.  I can appeal it-cost $10,000 to start and up to a year to be heard.  I have always insisted to my children to be truthful.  I have loved them unconditionally and have supported them.  My adult daughter graduated sigma cum laude from Wilmington, NC  and is vice-president of the JayCees of Lee County.  I always felt that God would be there for us as long as we believed and had faith and told the truth.  My whole world is crumbling and my faith with it.  Please pray for us, financially and spiritually. Thank you.




Okay I'm sorry there has to be more to this story than what you have posted... Were you trying for sole custody? Did you refuse shared custody? Unless her father abused her in some way there would be no way you would get sole custody if he wanted custody. Did her father know what buttons of yours to press to get you to react in court in front of the judge?


If there is no more to this story than what you have posted here, then perhaps God is using you to get this judge disbarred?


 

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 13, 2009 - 3:39PM #4
dpatel
Posts: 339

Sorry to hear of your troubles. You'll be in my prayers. God bless

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 15, 2009 - 11:50AM #5
Hurricaneangel
Posts: 8

I'm really sorry to hear of  the trouble your having .. But, I have too questioned  just as DAH54 had posted.. There has too  be more too this for me too beilieve that this judge did not take all this information to consideration before making a desicion.. Does your daughter want too live with her father?

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 16, 2009 - 11:03PM #6
Stardove
Posts: 15,980

My only words of wisdom are at the age of 13 a child can state which parent he/she wants to live with.  If there are no other reasons why that parent should not have the child the judge should rule for the parent the child wants to live with.  The other parent should be given visitation unless there again there are issues for the court to consider.


Keep the faith that God's will is working on this situation for your daughter's highest and best and yours too.


Peace Love Stardove

Beliefnet Community Wide Moderator ~ Peace Love Stardove
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The sun rises every morning and sheds light, vanquishing the night's darkness. The rooster also rises every morning only, unlike the sun, he simply makes noise. But the darkness of the night is dispelled by sunshine, not by the rooster's crowing.The world can use more light and less noise. Where I can, I want to be light.

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 16, 2009 - 11:06PM #7
Stardove
Posts: 15,980

Let me also add I have witnessed the good ole boy network (lawyers) in the county I live in.  So much so it destroyed my faith in our legal system.  The outcome was children continued to be abused until they made a second outcry.


Peace Love Stardove

Beliefnet Community Wide Moderator ~ Peace Love Stardove
Problems? Send a message to Beliefnet_community

The sun rises every morning and sheds light, vanquishing the night's darkness. The rooster also rises every morning only, unlike the sun, he simply makes noise. But the darkness of the night is dispelled by sunshine, not by the rooster's crowing.The world can use more light and less noise. Where I can, I want to be light.

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5 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2009 - 4:13PM #8
Exmom99
Posts: 1

Dear Mamalett,


I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. No matter what unstated other side of the story, you are still a mother and your longing for your child cannot ever be quieted.


I too, have lost my 2 children, 3 and 4 years old to their father after divorce. It started so subtly and i was so helpless.  They were 4 months and 1.5 years when they left the country. The plan was they'd be visiting and I'd get them after my studies. That isn't going to work. I fear I'll never see them soon as my visits are so disruptive and just leave my 4 yr old son distraught and heart-broken. Now they have another 'mom,' my ex's live-in girlfriend. At times I have fantasies of killing her and grabbing them back, but i'm getting over that slowly and i'm ok whenever i see my kids doing so well.


My point is that I understand your pain, your tears and heartbreak. But I have another perspective for you, that of acceptance. I know it's not the most popular idea and many people will judge me harshly for saying this. But perhaps God is in control of the whole situation even the way it is. Perhaps you can stop fighting for a while, and just visit the child and spend quality time with her within the court's guidelines. Then you can use the time and resources to make the best of your life and explore other things. 


When I went to court after being apart from my children for 1 year, the judge ruled against me saying they had been doing fine with their father what's the point of removing them? So my family and I just prayed and showed him only kindness and goodness, and finally he let them visit me for the whole summer and spring. It was great. I realized I can't raise 2 toddlers alone as a grad student and I was okay letting them go back.  Now it's really hard and I get so depressed and fearful of not having them back. But I'm learning to accept and live my life while I do my best as a mother and visit and do what I can for them. Children ultimately belong to God and he gives us ability to do so much, then we have to let him do the rest. 

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5 years ago  ::  Jul 14, 2009 - 7:02PM #9
indep
Posts: 324

My heart goes out to other mothers who have been deprived of their children.  Its the hardest pain for a mother to bear. 


My child was taken from me long ago but I was able to establish regular visitations.  I have tried so very hard to make it clear to him that I love him and am his mother.   But he has not really learned my values and what I think makes for quality in life.   He lives with his father even tho he is now grown up, and I never know when or if he will contact me, sometimes he does and sometimes not.   The best I can say about it is that when we do spend a day together we can enjoy each other's company .

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