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6 years ago  ::  Mar 24, 2009 - 7:34PM #1
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

Does your head often try to convince you of things?


Does it say "we" should do this "we" should do that?


Does it seem sometimes that there is an inner struggle going on?


Why is my head trying to convince me of stuff if i was only my mind shouldnt it just be automatic?


Who is my mind trying to talk to when it says "WE"


You could paint signs on my house that say


"YOU ARE NOT JUST YOUR MIND" and i still listen to the sucker


I have come to realize that just becasue my mind says something doesnt make it so


When someone grabs a gun to end it all they dont shoot themselves in the foot!!

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 24, 2009 - 9:32PM #2
ODIECOM
Posts: 326

as much as i like your posts. i got kinda lost at the end of this one. maybe im just tired.


ummm, i think i need an example.... this one is completely eluding me.


ty


odie

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6 years ago  ::  Mar 24, 2009 - 9:45PM #3
Xena4Christ
Posts: 249

No, SSP, that's just God telling you what to do.  He's very big and omnipresent and omnipotent so He doesn't bellow out His presence but........  instead whispers to mere men to do His bidding, like when He told Abraham to kill his son.   That lady who drowned her three sons in the bathtub a few years ago--? yep, she said God told her to do that.   Hey, it makes sense to me because I live down the rabbit hole.  ;)

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6 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2009 - 8:09PM #4
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

Yep thanks for the reality check odie


I suppose what im trying to say is that sobriety can be difficult (extremely emotionally and intellectually painful) especially for someone like me who spent years "using" to avoid my compulsive thinking coupled with the delusion that life should be easy and problem free


The last line means that when people are compelled to end it all they dont just shoot themselves in the head to make sure they die they shoot the head because thats were the voices are

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2009 - 8:37PM #5
Xena4Christ
Posts: 249

Mar 25, 2009 -- 8:09PM, sixth step phobia wrote:


Yep thanks for the reality check odie


I suppose what im trying to say is that sobriety can be difficult (extremely emotionally and intellectually painful) 




Gee, do you think?   ;)

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6 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2009 - 9:32PM #6
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

lol xena


it is a bit of a no-brainer but my head keeps telling me life should be easy, it hates change and is chronically malcontent


Try and greet the day sober when nothing is ever enough!!


My head is always going of half-cocked thank god i have a program


By the way how are going it must be creeping up to a month of sobreiety by now??

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2009 - 9:36PM #7
ODIECOM
Posts: 326

ty sixth. now that i do understand what you meant.  that last part is very well stated.


i dont truley know what i thought when i drank.  the thing i do know about my drinking is, i drank and i liked it.   i also know that darn near everything i did outside of work involved drinking.  cleaning the house, watching tv, getting pissed off ... etc. etc. etc.


i didnt go to moes tavern because someone pissed me off or i had a bad day. it was already a given that i was going to drink no matter what the day ended like.


in time yes WHAT I WAS DOING took me down. i capped that because i know someone will beg to differ on my statement as to who or what.


what once was enjoying the taste and a nice buzz,  became nessessity and before i quit .. IT WAS MY LIFE.


yes fer sure i did think with a warpped mind and my thoughts told me what to do ... many times. i found that it was my ... YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN  MY ADDICTION.


during the time i drank YES, I WAS POWERLESS. until i quit.


sorry i got off track.


yes i have been in that end it all situation .. last july as a matter of fact.


it is very true that we want to escape from what is in our head. what our head is telling us.


we cant face the reality anymore and its over whelming.  we cant stand the pressure of what is and we dont have the strenght left to even understand reasoning.  many times the souliton is very simple ... but again, we dont have the strenght mentally to deal with it and by that time we have already convinced ourselves that nothing is possible.


ty sixth.


odies thoughts


 

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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2009 - 7:18PM #8
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

There is some phenomenon going on here that i cant quite put my finger on


And it really has nothing to do with drinking or addiction although it manifests to the extreme when using


"It" is an ineffable foggy kind of knowing that my head and everyone else;s is basically flawed and dysfunctional


Buddha called duhkka


Bob earl explained it this way


"I have come to totally believe that my head thinks it could kill me and still go on"


"When the voice comes from my head i try to ignore it and when it comes from down here i listen"

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2009 - 7:39PM #9
Xena4Christ
Posts: 249

SSP- Yes, come Sunday it will be 4 weeks.  I have my good days and my bad days.  I came really really close to screwing up yesterday.  I was at this lady's house and she  has a refrigerator out in the garage in which anyone who works for her can help themselves to anything in it.   Well, it had coke, sprite, grapico, diet coke, miller lite, white wine, red wine, and bloody mary mix.  (I have no idea where the vodka was but I didn't care where it was either).  Anyway, I had this overpowering urge to have sprite with white wine.  Have you ever tried that before?  It's tasty.  And it makes you feel good.  And, oh, that day it was still raining...gosh, we are on some kind of raining jag-- it just won't stop and it's driving me CRAZY!   But, yeah, I had just finished one house and this was my second and I was oh, so tired and down down down and once I got that sprite/wine idea in my head it just stuck.  I did the whole serene smile and wave of the hand with the, 'I don't need that stuff.' but my subconscience knew I wasn't fooling anyone. 


But I just didn't.  Funny that.  I think that it was the whole idea that my head,  yes, just like you were talking about, was trying to make the ol' feet move down to the garage to do the dirty deed.   I wasn't having any of that.  So, I just put the iPod speakers in my ears and finished my work.   The cravings today weren't bad at all  (even though it was raining raining raining.......).    And life goes on...


Ooh, I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps me yearning
Ooh, I don't know, I don't know

Oh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning
Ooh, I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turning
Ooh, I don't know, I don't know
I don't know

Wheel in the sky keeps on turning
Don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Oh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning
Wheel in the sky keeps on turning


-Journey


 

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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2009 - 8:16PM #10
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

WOW fantastic xena


It has been amazing watching your transformation in all aspects of your life since you first started posting here


If you keep harnessing your will to the big wheel in the sky rather than your own head the world is your oyster


How is your husband reacting to the new you and have you treated yourself to something special as you deserve it


How much money have you saved on alcohol in a month if it is $200 then buy yourself a $200 gift


Remember you are the last person who should interpret your life talk to others and ask for help

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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