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Switch to Forum Live View "Grooming" the Victim
5 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2009 - 10:43AM #11
Al68
Posts: 11

Perhaps this is a learned behavior?!  We always talk about this in terms of child sexual abuse so I am glad you brought this up in regard to abuse between adults.  I think this explains a LOT about ho it happens to so many women.  I see friends who seemed to be so strong and self possesed and suddenly they are in these abusive relationships and you wonder how that happened to them.  *Thanks for shedding a little light!*


I am alwas wary of being put on a pedestal.....when people say, he treats me likea queen....I just want to be treated with dignity and respect.  I am not above or below anyone else.


Was your ex the product of an abusive relationship?  Could he have learned how to do this at home? 


I don't know the answer except that they continue t do it because it works and as you said - the penalties are too slight! Did you know that the time woman is most at risk of homicide is when she is pregnant.? That ought to tell the justice system that something is terribly wrong.


I am praying for your safety!


  

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5 years ago  ::  Oct 09, 2009 - 3:02AM #12
Wmdkitty
Posts: 2,174

Oct 5, 2009 -- 10:43AM, Al68 wrote:


Perhaps this is a learned behavior?!  We always talk about this in terms of child sexual abuse so I am glad you brought this up in regard to abuse between adults.  I think this explains a LOT about ho it happens to so many women.  I see friends who seemed to be so strong and self possesed and suddenly they are in these abusive relationships and you wonder how that happened to them.  *Thanks for shedding a little light!*



Glad I could help.


I am alwas wary of being put on a pedestal.....when people say, he treats me likea queen....I just want to be treated with dignity and respect.  I am not above or below anyone else.



Dignity, respect, and love -- that's all I want, really. And someone to warm my bed at night, if you know what I mean.


Was your ex the product of an abusive relationship?  Could he have learned how to do this at home?



Most likely, yes. Unfortunately, part of his whole thing was telling these elaborate stories (all untrue) about his childhood. He was also convinced -- absolutely convinced -- that the Illuminati and the Pope were "out to get" him.


I don't know the answer except that they continue t do it because it works and as you said - the penalties are too slight! Did you know that the time woman is most at risk of homicide is when she is pregnant.? That ought to tell the justice system that something is terribly wrong.



Oh, I know. And I'm SO glad for hormonal birth control. We had one pregnancy scare and he started going on about how I "had to" keep it, because he wouldn't allow me to "kill his kid." Yeah, that really makes me want to bring a child into the world....


I am praying for your safety!



Thank you. He has, fortunately, disappeared. The last I heard, he was in a clean and sober house. I suspect, though, that he ended up back in jail.

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment." -- George Carlin
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2 years ago  ::  Aug 11, 2012 - 4:59AM #13
lensbazaar
Posts: 2

Mar 15, 2009 -- 9:49PM, Laurab0326 wrote:

There are still times that I blame myself that my husband left and ended up with his deceased friends girlfriend after only being gone a month. He used to verbally abuse me and he made me think I was worthless without him. I think now that he is only nice to me because I ended up in and out of the hospital through the separation and I still have a hard time thinking that he and that girl are together even though he says that they arent. With out me rambling on about the situation...It was a good post. I find you very intreging to say the least!


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