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6 years ago  ::  Feb 06, 2009 - 1:38AM #1
Davf4325784
Posts: 1
I am a full time caregiver for my Dad who is 82 & he has diabetes. I also care for my older sister who has seizures. I have a twin sister who also needs my help from time to time. I just feel so overwhelmed at times. Dad is on a fixed income and it is really rough trying to pay all the bills & buying fuel oil.  I do not receive any help from my other brothers & sisters. They are really not in a position to help with dads care. I have a sister Linda who does help from time to time but she was diagnosed with lung cancer & her daughter has breast cancer. I have an older brother who is very wealthy & he does not help out at all. I do not want anything from him & I am not jealous or envious of him. I can not understand how he can be so cold and unfeeling. I  would appreciate any words of encouragement & support. Take Care & Thanks for listening, it helps to share this with someone who is dealing with care giving issues.

Dave
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 07, 2009 - 12:30AM #2
Walsung1of9
Posts: 111
Hi Dave!

I am a veterinary student currently living in as an assistant for a senior citizen who, like the rest of us, has good days and bad days.  He can be downright cantankerous!  He can be as sweet as pie, and then something will set him off and he will be downright verbally abusive!  I just yell back.  I never give in or back down.  He would not respect me if I ever did.

As for being stressed out, I have stepped into a support system of visiting nurses, medicare doctors, and neighbours who, being elderly themselves, are able to stop by now and then. 

Look around you and see who your allies are--supportive friends, doctors, caregiver respite organizations in your area, etc.  Often, being online can take you out of your stresses temporarily and e-friends can give you new perspectives.

Take care,
Futur Frau Doktor Jeri
Futur Frau Doktor Jeri
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 07, 2009 - 6:18PM #3
zazu.pitts39
Posts: 1
Hang in there!

Take 15 minutes out of the morning routine...and another 15 minutes in the evening to just sit still... pray/meditate for the strength you need.

For me...it always helped to just pray that I get through the next day. Or even, the next hour. The Creator will help you through this because you are a ministering angel doing His work. You are not alone!
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 08, 2009 - 5:33PM #4
Reach6
Posts: 106
Hi Dav,  You are not alone.  I have been a caregiver, as a profession, for 21 years, and also was responsible for my dad's, and then my mother's care before they died too.  Some days I would spend a full day at my caregiving job, get phone calls from my dad or mom's nursinghome when I got home, go to bed and be woken in the middle of the night, for an emergency call about one of them.  It was very stressful.  During all this, I had a brother, several nephews, a sister-in-law and aunts and uncles who lived within a mile or two from my parents.  I lived over 100 mis. away from them, but chose to make the 200 mi. round trip every other weekend to be with them.  No one ever even visited them!  The things is, we know we are doing the right thing.  My parents and I had some real stressful years; sometimes not even talking to each other.  But I realized that they had interrupted their lives for 18 yrs. to raise me, so I owed them at least this much at the end of their lives.  I believe we will see each other again after this life, and our last memories of our time together will be good ones.  No one can take that from you, and your lazy relatives are really the losers here.    Leslie
Leslie (Reach 6)
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2009 - 5:56PM #5
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731

Davf4325784 wrote:

I am a full time caregiver for my Dad who is 82 & he has diabetes. I also care for my older sister who has seizures. I have a twin sister who also needs my help from time to time. I just feel so overwhelmed at times. Dad is on a fixed income and it is really rough trying to pay all the bills & buying fuel oil. I do not receive any help from my other brothers & sisters. They are really not in a position to help with dads care. I have a sister Linda who does help from time to time but she was diagnosed with lung cancer & her daughter has breast cancer. I have an older brother who is very wealthy & he does not help out at all. I do not want anything from him & I am not jealous or envious of him. I can not understand how he can be so cold and unfeeling. I would appreciate any words of encouragement & support. Take Care & Thanks for listening, it helps to share this with someone who is dealing with care giving issues.

Dave


Dave. Caregiving others(while a noble thing to do)can be very overwhelming. You might visit my sister's website, and read the tragic story there. When you do it with health issues yourself, no respite, eat on the run, inadequate rest, or sleep...it can be a prescription for a disaster. At best, caregiving can be very hard, at worst, it can end in a horrible tragedy, like ours did. Pls visit...."Mercy for Cindy/Justice Denied"........Nomi

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 18, 2009 - 9:46PM #6
texastalking
Posts: 1
Dave,
I worked as a caregiver for 3 years while helping with the care of my own Dad.  You definitely need a support system to offer respite care.  Take care of yourself along the way every chance you can.  It is so important to being able to continue with your responsibilities.

Tammy
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 18, 2009 - 9:46PM #7
texastalking
Posts: 1
Dave,
I worked as a caregiver for 3 years while helping with the care of my own Dad.  You definitely need a support system to offer respite care.  Take care of yourself along the way every chance you can.  It is so important to being able to continue with your responsibilities.

Tammy
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6 years ago  ::  May 16, 2009 - 12:50PM #8
MarleneEmmett5
Posts: 1,704

Feb 6, 2009 -- 1:38AM, Davf4325784 wrote:

I am a full time caregiver for my Dad who is 82 & he has diabetes. I also care for my older sister who has seizures. I have a twin sister who also needs my help from time to time. I just feel so overwhelmed at times. Dad is on a fixed income and it is really rough trying to pay all the bills & buying fuel oil. I do not receive any help from my other brothers & sisters. They are really not in a position to help with dads care. I have a sister Linda who does help from time to time but she was diagnosed with lung cancer & her daughter has breast cancer. I have an older brother who is very wealthy & he does not help out at all. I do not want anything from him & I am not jealous or envious of him. I can not understand how he can be so cold and unfeeling. I would appreciate any words of encouragement & support. Take Care & Thanks for listening, it helps to share this with someone who is dealing with care giving issues. Dave



Dave:
It seems to me that the care of your father has fallen onto your shoulders!
I'm sorry that your other brother and sisters can't/won't help you out with the care of your Dad. Your brothers and sisters who could help you out with your dad and your sister should
be ashamed of themselves~But it will all come out when the will is read.

I was an only child back in 1974 when my mother died of a inopberable brain tumor the same
kind that Senator Ted Kennedy has now~My father chose to keep my mother at home and
take care of her~I had to fight him to put her in the hospital 2 days before she died~
We had a Visiting Nurse during the day~but at night it was just dad & Me!!!!

I was just 18 when she had gotten sick and 19 when she passed~I needed her then.
My father pushed me out of his life cause he couldn't deal with losing her!.

You've come to the right place to talk about being a caregiver~Just please remember one of
the most important things about being a caregiver:
Take time out for yourself,take care of yourself~you can't let yourself get run down~~~~~~
Many times caregivers forget to take care of themselves and land up in the hospital!!!

Tell your sisters & Brothers who can help out to do so! Use your voice!!!!
IF you have to "PLAY THE GUILT CARD"!!!! You're a FAMILY!!!

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6 years ago  ::  May 19, 2009 - 8:33PM #9
puzzleman
Posts: 235

Dave just a thought, do the other members of the family understand the crticallity of condition of your family members? Maybe they need to here from a professional it could be a Doctor or Therapist via email or a letter. You type the letter or send the email and have a doctor sign it. If that doesn't work this might sound a little coercive but if you mention their might be a will change they might offer to help a little-just a thought Take care I am praying for you I have my father who is lost without my Mom who past away lat year and an Autistic son. Don't forget to take care of yourself! 

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6 years ago  ::  May 24, 2009 - 12:30PM #10
Howdoifeel65
Posts: 2

Dave, I am so touched by your story.  This the first time I have used beliefnet and this is my blessing today.   I was up early listening to the news and the beliefnet website was mentioned and I wrote it down and I never dreamed what God had in store for me as I did not hear the mention of caregivers there, it was only after I opened the website that I saw "caregivers support" mentioned.   I have been sitting here for a couple of hours and your story moved me to write and tell you that even I who, thought my circumstances were not good, can see that you should be uplifted in prayer and that you should know that you touched me because I felt that you do not mind doing what you have to do, and I believe that you do it with your heart planted right in the middle of it all.  Just know that God has gotten your attention and when others have not had the trials we may have, feel sad that they have not learned that we are our brothers' keepers and that the only way to really serve God is through others and you have solidified that task and unless and until others do what they should do, they will never receive the reward.  I am the caretaker of my mother-in-law and there is no consideration from my husband who is her only child.  She is suffering from several ailments and he has no patience or sympathy for what she is going through and even less for me.  I am 65 years old and I have a grand daughter who has a brain tumor and I would like to spend some time with her, he does not even mention the fact that he will take care of his mom while I go and do something for my granddaughter(not his, this is my second marriage).  He gets dressed and walks out and never even calls back to see if I need something, never volunteers to say, "you go out, I'll stay in with her", he goes out of town for days and leaves her with me.   I am beginning to wonder if I mind, I don't think that I do but I guess I had better do something before my fuse runs out and then I may be sorry.  but I am tired of being taken advantage of and I certainly feel your pain.   I am praying for you and your family and I ask that you please pray for mine.  ' Hope I have not bored you and I wish you the best.


howdoifeel65

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