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Switch to Forum Live View Not allowed to be happy, my relapse drama!
6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 4:35AM #1
wildcat75
Posts: 2
Hi,

wonder if anybody out there shares or has had the same relapse drama as i constantly going through?
I have been an heroin addict for almost half of my entirely life, in the last couple of years i ve been trying my best to leave all this misery behind me, i must have relapsed hundred of times, but i dont loose my hope and keeping try.
Most of people i know  and articles state that people are most vulnerable to relapse during hardest time or when faced by problems, well this seems not to be my case, as every couple of weeks have my usual constant relapse, and it all start when i really feel good and happy about myself and my life.
Its been like this for a while now, the longest i managed to stay off the shit, in the last 11 years its been for 3 months, where i really thought i had made it through.... well that was not the case.
I usually going back for a few days, trying no to get to sick, but i lost the count of how many " cold turkey" had to go through, Am i became a cold turkey addict?
Fourth day today, managed sme little sllep last night, will feel better by the weekend.....hope this time will make it through....
or another defeited, another batle...I want given up my fight for a clean, pure life, i want it completely out of this misery forever......
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 12:15PM #2
mountain_man
Posts: 39,062
My suggestion; find a doctor to help, and then find a recovery program that will actually help you learn some coping skills, some life skills, something that will actually help you learn how to live a sober life. It seems to me that if you keep relapsing your current strategy is not working.
Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 12:28PM #3
Agnosticspirit
Posts: 9,244
Hello wildcat, and welcome.

I'm very sorry to hear of your struggles and constant relapse, yet amazed by your tenacity... that you keep trying to stop, don't forget how amazing you are!

Are you surrounded by friends and people who still use? If so, quitting heroin may mean you need to quit your friends... right now you're enduring an inner tug of war. You DON'T need a tug of war from without. Frequently users feel threatened when a friend or loved one tries to stop - so they encourage you to quit quitting. That's NOT what you need, you need someone to encourage you to QUIT.

If you're surrounded by those who are using, along with Dave's suggestions I would encourage you to seek an entirely new environment where you won't be surrounded by such toxic elements.

(((( hugs ))))) Please, come back and let us know how you're doing!
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 1:41PM #4
mountain_man
Posts: 39,062
[QUOTE=agnosticspirit;906697]....If you're surrounded by those who are using, along with Dave's suggestions I would encourage you to seek an entirely new environment where you won't be surrounded by such toxic elements...[/QUOTE]
All good suggestions. I know it may seem harsh, but if you have friends that use - dump them. You can find new friends that are better for your health.
Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 4:25PM #5
wildcat75
Posts: 2
Thanks guys for your advices and support,
strange as it may sound, i dont have friends that use, i dumped them long ago. I usually doing staff on my own. I lead a double life and keep my dirty secret well hidden,especially from the closest that they know about it, as i am imbarassed to admitting once again my failure.I am tinking of attending an AA meeting, but then i wouldn t know what to say and i am really shy to talk in public... guess i really should get some help though?
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2008 - 4:43PM #6
mountain_man
Posts: 39,062
[QUOTE=wildcat75;907407]Thanks guys for your advices and support,
strange as it may sound, i dont have friends that use, i dumped them long ago. I usually doing staff on my own. I lead a double life and keep my dirty secret well hidden,especially from the closest that they know about it, as i am imbarassed to admitting once again my failure.I am tinking of attending an AA meeting, but then i wouldn t know what to say and i am really shy to talk in public... guess i really should get some help though?[/QUOTE]
Before you go to any recovery meeting ask yourself if it has done YOU any good? How has attending your present recovery group helped YOU in any way? If that group is not working for you then find a different one. There are other groups out there and maybe one of those would suit you better.
Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2008 - 6:09PM #7
daisedndconfused
Posts: 11
Well after a couple of weeks on not supporting AA or NA I have had to bury my head in the sand and have now gone back. I have struggled with addiction for 30 years in and out of churches and AA, NA. The 12 atep meetings seem to be the only place where I can address this problem on a daily basis. I am a chronic relapser and things only get worse in my life. I support you to get to a meeting too, listen etc etc. Least then you will be with people of the same kind and have support. I too am so over relapsing and the misery that comes with it. Take care and all the best for you.
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