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Switch to Forum Live View my mom died suddenly
5 years ago  ::  Nov 15, 2008 - 5:17AM #1
galsmiley
Posts: 1
My mother died on October 27th of a heart attack.  She just got up out of bed in the early morning and collapsed.  She was only 63.

I had just talked to her the day before.  We had been planning a family get together the weekend of November 1st.  Instead, that was the day of her funeral.

I feel so heartbroken.  We had a good relationship -- there had been rough spots over the years but luckily in the past several years we had managed to put aside whatever differences we had and I can't say I really have any regrets.  I just thought she'd be around longer.

I still can't come to grips with the thought that she is gone.  I miss her so much.

:(
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 16, 2008 - 10:09PM #2
MichellesMom
Posts: 51
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your grief.  I lost my mother in 2006.  I also lost a daughter one week before my mother.  Grief is hard.  It can rip us apart.  Hang tight to God.  Believe He is in control as hard as that is to do sometimes.
Michelle's Mom
hilda
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5 years ago  ::  Nov 20, 2008 - 2:27PM #3
Onn15ie
Posts: 6
My mom died quickly from undiagnosed lung cancer and brain cancer. She was diagnosed during a brief examine on 4/29/08 and died in my arms 7/29/08. Since then I have been lost and confused. She was my best friend and while I cannot walk your individual path for your mother loss, I can empathize with the enormity of it. I have become disoriented in my relationship, my job, my family and my friendships through this ongoing process of loss. I feel things I never thought I would. All I can say to you is find support in counseling or a group with others in your situation. Keep moving and get through each day to the best of your ability. And know you are not alone as there are many others out there who suffer silently with you. May you find your inevitable peace. It will come someday.
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5 years ago  ::  May 26, 2009 - 8:24AM #4
Simojt_jeffrey
Posts: 1

Hi everyone...

Reading this wonderful story truly makes you feel God's power, love and compassion over His people. An eye opener towards the realms of our spirituality. I urge you to through the links and let know your comments by posting it below. So go on, experience life one's more with God's words...and try to search in google the thankgodforebooks My mom died by John Castagnini.... thank you

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 5:46AM #5
Kate09
Posts: 15

Hi ! Galsmiley I am so sorry that you are missing your mom. I think it has been very crucial and difficult time you'd endured ever. It is really very painful. I pray for her to the God to keep her soul in peace and bless your family.  I am sending and lot of love and hugs. . .

Moderated by Beliefnet_community on Nov 18, 2009 - 06:45PM
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 04, 2010 - 12:38AM #6
Dizzysearch
Posts: 2

Once again, I'm posting to someone ridiculously late..or maybe it's not too late in your opinion?  I just noticed some things I felt were shared in common..


I just wanted to write you, since I know the "anniversary" is coming up actually..hope I didn't actually bring something to mind there without you noticing it prior to my comment...(?)...but you see, I'm going through something kind of similar, except I'm lucky enough that though the past 2 years have been filled with losing people, and this year, I've lost a close friend and a close relative (who just passed away last night!)..I've got a crisis involving my mother too, (she's also 63)- which is life and death, but so far, it looks like she _might_well survive this, if not the same  as she was before. But for now, it's minute by minute, kind of like you may have felt right after the first shock.


I wanted to explain that, her illness, too, came on very suddenly, and where death was not present, instead was this dramatic, terrible plunge into a health nightmare before our very eyes, during which we could do nothing.  She plummeted so quickly toward death that she was transferred to the MICU unit of a hospital in another city on my birthday! And yes, we too had been planning to try and celebrate this year, when we usually can't celebrate my birthday due to illness in 3 of 4 family members.


I'm sorry that so many words so far have been about ME (!)...but I felt a similarity to you, and just wanted to reach out and see how you're doing right now, today?


You've been through alot, and I hope that all the friends and family you ever had proved to you that you weren't alone in those critical days, weeks, and months. I may not know you, but I just wanted to extend my sincere sympathy, but also my hope that this past year you've started to be able to feel some of the joy at the life she lived, or better, the way you two made up for the past, getting through the pain of the grief. ( Making amends like that takes hard work and courage, imo!) I think you did your Mom the kind of favour that many people could live their whole lives without being able to achieve, and that must've meant everything to her and given her the peace she needed. So again, power to you for it! No matter who they are, these are our mothers, and their effect in shaping us is intense and inseperable from who we are, so you survived something very , very intense...but, though dealing with it never just "stops" just like the love we had for those we lost, you -  survived ;-)


All the best to you and yours,


DizzySearch.

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 15, 2010 - 4:11AM #7
karbie
Posts: 3,302

Dear dizzysearch,


Let me apologize it's taken someone so long to get back to you--one group, the Depression forum, also handles things like you are going through. Having something happen to someone as special as a parent or friend is something we help support each other through. I'm clinically depressed--prolonged stress can actually alter the  brain's chemistry. In my case part of the stress would be not having been out of pain for about 25 years. It can happen at any age. I got my Grandma to go on anti-depressants--I wasn't the first person to suggest it to her, but I guess I just got lucky. she'd given up playing chess--something she loved, and had been losing weight. We were talking and she was wondering why she was having so much more trouble with the recent death of a friend when she'd handled things like it before. I just reminded her that she hadn't been in chronic, daily pain before and the stress it took on her body. And that taking an anti-depressant to correct a chemical imbalance was the same as a diabetic taking insulin to correct a chemical imbalance.


 She was 99 then, and we all got one more year with her. She was still in her own home when she turned 100 and was just in a nursing home the last few months. I was with her when she died.


You mentioned that even if your mother got better--she wasn't going to be the same as before. that is part of the reason for the anti-depressant message in case you need them or she does and is resistant about taking them. It doesn't necessarily follow that you have to be crazy or mentally ill to take them. Just another one of those out-dated stigmas the world has too much of.


In the years I've been on Beliefnet, so many of us have found their way here just when we needed to have made real contact with another person. I know that there are a lot more people on the Depression forum, and there are a lot of caring, supportive, and for the most part non-judgemental people I've ever met. We've been there for each other, and we are willing to help anyone new as well. You can check out The Front Desk thread and get an idea of who we are. One of the traditional--and true welcomes is this --we're glad that you found us, and sorry that you needed to.


I just wanted you to know that someone had sen your post and heard you. I tried a few days ago, but that post is floating out there wherever eaten e-mails go.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2010 - 7:28AM #8
Ruby
Posts: 1

I cannot even imagine what you must be going through. what you have gone through, don't give up hope, try to be strong, I know its easier said than done. It's something many fear, most have been touched by, and all will one day experience. We shall always pray for her eternal rest in the hands of God. 


Death is an unavoidable part of the cycle of life, yet one is never truly prepared for losing a love one. It's important to keep yourself as busy as possible when overcoming your grief. As you deal with loss, there may be some days when you feel like you have made progress with healing. You will be able to enjoy life again. Hang on to hope, as it is the most important thing you can do.


 


 


www.GriefOut.com 
Providing a Helping Hand to Grieving Hearts
Ruby L. Taylor, M.S.W., Founder 


 


 

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2 years ago  ::  Jan 26, 2012 - 4:25PM #9
Bf1964
Posts: 2

My mom died on January 7th.  She had an aneurysm on her heart and an aortic dissection.  She had been sick with various illnesses for the past 10 years, but had always been so strong and recovered from everything.  I had moved back home when my father became ill.  He died, and since then I've lived with my mom and cared for her.  I just can't believe my mom is dead.  I know it's true, but my heart just feels like it's been ripped to shreds.  We were so close, we were best friends.  


How do I keep going on?  How do I make a life for myself, when for the past 10 years my life has centered on caring for her?  I just want to roll into a little ball and die.  I think about getting up in the morning and it's almost more than I can stand.  I go to work, but I feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me.  Grief comes in waves, crashing over me.  I feel sick.  I've lost 12 pounds under 3 weeks.  I don't know how to handle this.  I've cried until I think I'm all out of tears, then the tears start again.  I read about how one day the pain will fade and I'll have a new, different life, but right now all I know is that I miss my mom and I want her back.  I can't have her back, and it breaks my heart.  

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2 years ago  ::  Feb 02, 2012 - 12:47AM #10
karbie
Posts: 3,302

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sure that making it to work and back takes every ounce of energy you posess at the moment. My mother had pretty much devoted her life to my Grandma, who lived to be over 100. When I came in to town, the first thing she said to me was "Oh, good, you're here! Now I can go because you're here to take care of your mother."


Even when we know that we are close to losing someone, or they can go anytime, it doesn't mae it easier when it happens. I lost my father when I was 19 and he was only 47 himself. He'd been a heart patient for years, but I wasn't prepared in any way for his death.


Here's something to remember--you didn't fail either of your parents in any way. You were there for them, took care of them, and not only prolonged their lives, but gave them the love and devotion that few adults give their parents or children for that matter. A family friend was buried this week; it took the Meals on Wheels people to see how weak and sic she was and call 911 for her. By then the doctors discovered that her esophagus had been completely closed for at least 4 days. She got more attention from my sister-in-law and my nephew than she did from her own adult sons. It wouldn't have taken much to make her happy--one call a week would have meant the world. We sent her birthday cards every year and she'd cry with happiness just to be remembered.


That didn't happen to your parents because of you, and because you were obviously raised with love to be able to return it so fully. I don't know if this will help you or not. Just a few days before Grandma died, she had a dream that she was at a huge party with all the people she had known, loved, and missed. After a while, she began to notice how huge the room was, and that the colors wre more magnificent than any she'd ever seen on Earth. She realized that she could only be in Heaven. Waking up the next morning in her worn out body didn't exactly thrill her. We were with her when she died. Once we discovered she could squeeze our hands even if she couldn't talk, Mother, my sister and I all got to tell her how much we loved her, what she'd meant to us, and that it was okay to let go and go back to her party.


I was terrified by death when my father died. When his father died years later, he gave me a final gift. One afternoon I was suddenly wrapped around in a feeling of love that was absolutely Grandpa. I didn't get the call telling me he had died 150 miles away until about 10 minutes later. He showed me that who we are and who we love goes on after death. You still have a place to send your love, and I can tell you without doubt that your mother still loves you just as much. Probably more since she is no longer ill or in pain.


Yes, I still cry over Grandma because I still miss her. I had been doing that over the weekend--and I found her lip balm, hearing aids, and a note from her on the same day. I have the hearing aids because they fit my ears perfectly. Besides while I was still staying with Mother, they kept showing up in my suitcase no matter where else I put them in the room. So I thanked her.


there's a psychic streak in my family--my niece actually sees people, although I don't know how I'd handle that one. I know that every time you think of your mother with love, she knows it. All we lose when someone dies is their body and of course being able to see them and touch them. That's incredibly hard to face. If it hurts too much to live in that home, consider renting it and staying someplace else. Try to find a support group with people who have lost a parent. I'd invite you to check out the Depression forum, or to see if there is a group here that does more along the faith and prayers side of beliefnet-the "Home" side.


I think that you are an amazing person to have done all you did, and a fantastic daughter to devote so much of your life and time to your parents. I'll be checking back on you because I don't want you to feel so alone.


I went ahead to look myself-on the Home side, there's a forum that deals with Transistion rituals, which offers multi-ffaith ways to help with the daily grieving process, including one on losing a parent. I didn't want you to have far to look for compassionate help.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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