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Switch to Forum Live View PT- Ever feel insane? (PT?)
7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 12:46AM #11
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=deliteful_diva_52740;311839]Dear SunRaz,call the police and give them an anonymous tip about the meth.I found out about drugs in my daughters house and knew then that was why she was being abused.I called the police from my cell phone.I asked to speak to a detective.They had me come to the station,they hid my car while I talked to them about the drugs.When they knew I was telling it true,they had me plan to take my daughter out of the house,under the guise of grocery shopping.Just minutes after we left,they got into the house,took husband into custody.GONE! What a great sad,but happy day.He wasn't allowed to come back to the house even after doing his prison time.He had to go to rehab and get straight.Please,SunRaz,for your safety,and sanity,do it.Yours in Christ,Bett[/QUOTE]

It sounds like a very dangerous situation. I would suggest she see if she can qualify for "assisted living". They have small apartments. If she is disabled, she should qualify. I lived with a husband who was like that. He was not on illegal drugs, but was hooked on legal drugs. They made him meaner than he had ever been. He had always been abusive, but the Valium he was on made him worse. By the time I left, I was a nervous wreck. My nerves are still bad..but at least I don't have to hear his mean, abusive mouth anymore, haven't since our divorce, in the mid '80's. Your brother sounds like he could become very violent. Please try to get away from him, before he has a chance to hurt you.  I am appalled that your parents have plenty of money, yet let you live in such danger. My parents had very little, but they were always there to help. I stayed with my parents, going thru the horrible divorce  from my abuser. They even paid for my attorney. I did pay them back tho. I might add tho...that my parents did make one mistake...they would do what she says hers does about the youngest brother....who is a pothead, alcoholic, and abuses women. His wife finally got guts enough to get away from him, before he could kill her. I don't take up for him at all. BUT my parents would, he was their "baby". It used to make me so mad. Just because he was the youngest..He knew exactly how to "play" them both. He took from them, had a high paying job, never did much of anything for them. Our parents are gone now. I no longer have anything to do with him. I don't consider him worthy of my time.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 5:43AM #12
SunRaz
Posts: 172
Thanks so much! It feels comforting that I can share here and get support. I really appreciate it! I was feeling like I could lose it! When I have people (especially family) acting like I should have some control over the situation here and telling me I'm the problem, I feel like I must be crazy. The other side of me knows that they are the ones who are insane. I'm just kind of stuck with it all right now. This is why I moved to Oregon in 98! Me and my younger brother have always been the ones to leave the area to get away. Oh, dah... my younger brother is living with his girlfriend and she has kids in high school. The thing I have working against me is that I'm ill. A lot of people don't want to deal with someone sick living with them. I admit it's a difficult situation for just anyone to be around. It will have to be HUD or a very special circumstance.


I think about the defination of insanity: doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

That seems to sum up my brother and father! My mom is not far behind with her co-dependant behavior. I understand that she's probably afraid of being put in her place too. I just can't grasp the concept of rolling over and letting the men in my life talk trash to&about me. I'm divorced too angel. My X used to take the roder (sp) out of my car so I couldn't leave the house. It prevented my car from starting. Once I figured out what he was doing, I purchased a roder and hid it and simply used it when he had dismantled my car. Then he took some wires apart and I didn't know how to fix it. He used to criticize me all the time for different things. One stupid one was that I dusted before I vacuumed. Who the heck cares? He had an opinion about every thing I did, and it usually wasn't constructive! What the heck do people think when they stick their noses in other peoples business to the point they pick apart who they are? I've been single a while, since the last guy I was involved with a few years ago beat me up and fractured 3 ribs and collapsed a lung. We dated for almost two years and I'd never seen a sign of abuse. I wanted to break up and he went nuts. That one caught me really off guard! Oh well, I'm too content on my own to settle for a dysfunctional relationship!

The last few days have been pretty quiet, except for slamming doors. I know something is brewing... it always is! 

Thanks again, both of you! Sun
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 10:50AM #13
ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO
Posts: 21

SunRaz wrote:

Thanks so much! It feels comforting that I can share here and get support. I really appreciate it! I was feeling like I could lose it! When I have people (especially family) acting like I should have some control over the situation here and telling me I'm the problem, I feel like I must be crazy. The other side of me knows that they are the ones who are insane. I'm just kind of stuck with it all right now. This is why I moved to Oregon in 98! Me and my younger brother have always been the ones to leave the area to get away. Oh, dah... my younger brother is living with his girlfriend and she has kids in high school. The thing I have working against me is that I'm ill. A lot of people don't want to deal with someone sick living with them. I admit it's a difficult situation for just anyone to be around. It will have to be HUD or a very special circumstance.


I think about the defination of insanity: doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

That seems to sum up my brother and father! My mom is not far behind with her co-dependant behavior. I understand that she's probably afraid of being put in her place too. I just can't grasp the concept of rolling over and letting the men in my life talk trash to&about me. I'm divorced too angel. My X used to take the roder (sp) out of my car so I couldn't leave the house. It prevented my car from starting. Once I figured out what he was doing, I purchased a roder and hid it and simply used it when he had dismantled my car. Then he took some wires apart and I didn't know how to fix it. He used to criticize me all the time for different things. One stupid one was that I dusted before I vacuumed. Who the heck cares? He had an opinion about every thing I did, and it usually wasn't constructive! What the heck do people think when they stick their noses in other peoples business to the point they pick apart who they are? I've been single a while, since the last guy I was involved with a few years ago beat me up and fractured 3 ribs and collapsed a lung. We dated for almost two years and I'd never seen a sign of abuse. I wanted to break up and he went nuts. That one caught me really off guard! Oh well, I'm too content on my own to settle for a dysfunctional relationship!

The last few days have been pretty quiet, except for slamming doors. I know something is brewing... it always is!

Thanks again, both of you! Sun



Hi sun,
I was reminded recently why i was divorced, my ex huisband always acts like "such a nice guy" thats what everyone thinks, he is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet, around other pople, actually he's a door mat. With our twins off to college, my 16 yr old, doesnt really want to hang out at Dad's with his brothers gone, one night i was going out with my sister and i was going to be out late, so my ex asked if he could just hang out with my son at my house, so my son could play with his video games, etc. i said yes,,, when i got back, he remarked about how I was keeping the house, what was i going to do with the mess in the family room, etc
I slipped right in to my old role with him, I was feeling good after having a relaxing time with my sis, etc.
I stated defending myself, instead of putting him in his place!
This is my house that i found on my own to rent, in a nice area.He always say, well, it's my money your living on!!!
Makes me feel guilty i guess. He still has the power to just rip me to shreds with out ever raising a hand!
When we were married, we were living in an old house in the city, that was litterally falling apart!
But, we were buying it, intended to rehab it, but my ex didn't realize, he really wasn't the fixer upper type (too lazy),, so, 3 kids later, me not working, I finally had to sell it "as is" after we were divorced. It made more sense to me to rent something in a nice area for me and my kids, then to "own" a dump,, i did it all with out him. i get no credit from him at all. what i realized was, he is just miserable and unhappy with himself, and takes it out on me
like a "dry drunk" , he very seldom drinks, doesnt even take an asperin , so, no substance abuse, he is just sick i guess, and I decided, I sure don't want him in my house again, if he wants to spend time with his son, he will have to just figure it out himself

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7 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 8:25PM #14
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO;331667]Hi sun,
I was reminded recently why i was divorced, my ex huisband always acts like "such a nice guy" thats what everyone thinks, he is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet, around other pople, actually he's a door mat. With our twins off to college, my 16 yr old, doesnt really want to hang out at Dad's with his brothers gone, one night i was going out with my sister and i was going to be out late, so my ex asked if he could just hang out with my son at my house, so my son could play with his video games, etc. i said yes,,, when i got back, he remarked about how I was keeping the house, what was i going to do with the mess in the family room, etc
I slipped right in to my old role with him, I was feeling good after having a relaxing time with my sis, etc.
I stated defending myself, instead of putting him in his place!
This is my house that i found on my own to rent, in a nice area.He always say, well, it's my money your living on!!!
Makes me feel guilty i guess. He still has the power to just rip me to shreds with out ever raising a hand!
When we were married, we were living in an old house in the city, that was litterally falling apart!
But, we were buying it, intended to rehab it, but my ex didn't realize, he really wasn't the fixer upper type (too lazy),, so, 3 kids later, me not working, I finally had to sell it "as is" after we were divorced. It made more sense to me to rent something in a nice area for me and my kids, then to "own" a dump,, i did it all with out him. i get no credit from him at all. what i realized was, he is just miserable and unhappy with himself, and takes it out on me
like a "dry drunk" , he very seldom drinks, doesnt even take an asperin , so, no substance abuse, he is just sick i guess, and I decided, I sure don't want him in my house again, if he wants to spend time with his son, he will have to just figure it out himself[/QUOTE]

My ex could charm the birds out of the trees. Because of that he was an excellent salesman. He worked in sales many years ago, when we were together. Even my best friend could not believe he was as bad as he was. He jumped on me(physically) right after I had, had major surgery and spent 2 weeks in the hospital....but would you believe he sent flowers to me almost every day? The nurses thought he was just great. He was a real life, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I spent so many years, like walking on eggshells around him, never knowing what, and might not be anything  I did or said, that might set him off.  He and I were going to the car one time, to go somewhere, and he was behind me, and shoved me as hard as he could to the ground. He had assaulted me many times. Threatened over and over to kill me, and my whole family. He use to constantly call me these ugly words(I will give just intials), he knew I hated it...M F ing B.  He would call me dumb, stupid, and ugly, noone else would have me. Noone woman deserves that kind of abusive treatment. It was a bright day, when I was finally free of him, after 26 years of mostly pure "hell".  I would never, ever encourage a woman to stay with a man like that. It is not worth the chance that he just might take your life. Thank GOD, I finally got away from him before he could take mine.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 8:25PM #15
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO;331667]Hi sun,
I was reminded recently why i was divorced, my ex huisband always acts like "such a nice guy" thats what everyone thinks, he is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet, around other pople, actually he's a door mat. With our twins off to college, my 16 yr old, doesnt really want to hang out at Dad's with his brothers gone, one night i was going out with my sister and i was going to be out late, so my ex asked if he could just hang out with my son at my house, so my son could play with his video games, etc. i said yes,,, when i got back, he remarked about how I was keeping the house, what was i going to do with the mess in the family room, etc
I slipped right in to my old role with him, I was feeling good after having a relaxing time with my sis, etc.
I stated defending myself, instead of putting him in his place!
This is my house that i found on my own to rent, in a nice area.He always say, well, it's my money your living on!!!
Makes me feel guilty i guess. He still has the power to just rip me to shreds with out ever raising a hand!
When we were married, we were living in an old house in the city, that was litterally falling apart!
But, we were buying it, intended to rehab it, but my ex didn't realize, he really wasn't the fixer upper type (too lazy),, so, 3 kids later, me not working, I finally had to sell it "as is" after we were divorced. It made more sense to me to rent something in a nice area for me and my kids, then to "own" a dump,, i did it all with out him. i get no credit from him at all. what i realized was, he is just miserable and unhappy with himself, and takes it out on me
like a "dry drunk" , he very seldom drinks, doesnt even take an asperin , so, no substance abuse, he is just sick i guess, and I decided, I sure don't want him in my house again, if he wants to spend time with his son, he will have to just figure it out himself[/QUOTE]

My ex could charm the birds out of the trees. Because of that he was an excellent salesman. He worked in sales many years ago, when we were together. Even my best friend could not believe he was as bad as he was. He jumped on me(physically) right after I had, had major surgery and spent 2 weeks in the hospital....but would you believe he sent flowers to me almost every day? The nurses thought he was just great. He was a real life, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I spent so many years, like walking on eggshells around him, never knowing what, and might not be anything  I did or said, that might set him off.  He and I were going to the car one time, to go somewhere, and he was behind me, and shoved me as hard as he could to the ground. He had assaulted me many times. Threatened over and over to kill me, and my whole family. He use to constantly call me these ugly words(I will give just intials), he knew I hated it...M F ing B.  He would call me dumb, stupid, and ugly, noone else would have me. Noone woman deserves that kind of abusive treatment. It was a bright day, when I was finally free of him, after 26 years of mostly pure "hell".  I would never, ever encourage a woman to stay with a man like that. It is not worth the chance that he just might take your life. Thank GOD, I finally got away from him before he could take mine.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 08, 2008 - 1:26PM #16
joycon
Posts: 2,788
Yes, thank God.
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7 years ago  ::  May 18, 2008 - 7:29PM #17
starry_heaven
Posts: 33
[QUOTE=ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO;321025]Yes, make a plan , try and save money, even if it means, you dont pay the utiltie  bills and the gas or electric gets turned off, so be it,but find a place first, so your brother can't pin it on you. Here where i live, they will ususally give you a month at least a couple of months before they actually turn things off.  I've lived in S. Callie, and i know its very expensive, and for me, i would have to feel safe where I lived, so Im sure you do too. so, you have to find someplace where you feel safe, not like L.A  or something. Maybe you could find a place where someone might rent a room?

Its also a good idea to read about addiction, and how addicts are. They all lie and yes your family is in deep denial, but when you get out, they sure can't blame you for any of his problems. is there any way you can talk to your mom about borrowing some money to move out? Can she do it with out your father knowing? Is she willing to do it?
anyway, im glad your here, and keep us posted![/QUOTE]
I believe the truly insane do exist and many are not outwardly ill or are paying their dues like everyone else. The truly insane may appear to be stronger, wiser, better, or unaffected by it all or experts but this is because they are insane. It may sound unchristian and ludicrious but some people & families may actually get something out of drug and alcohol addiction, abuse, pain & suffering. They may have been raised to believe and think that way and know no other way of living. One size doesn't fit all. In a democratic Christian society there are better alternatives in modern times.
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 10, 2008 - 3:02AM #18
tpop
Posts: 45
I can relate to feeling insane under somewhat but no totally similar circumstances. First I would say it is a warped mind of a drug abuser of any drug, and when a family does not ackowledge or address it it effects the entire family and household. Perhaps you will relate to my story in some ways. To keep the details short I will just say that after a bad relationship  and due to circumstance arrising out of it I lost my business, my home, and my fiance all at once and entered deep depression, anxiety, panic attacks and so forth and was forced after 17 years of indedepence to return to my mothers home where my brother has lived for the past 6 years. Unemployed and with a coke problem. My other does not support him with money other than giving him aplace to live, but money routinely would disapear from peoples wallets. When I moved in and needed help, it was as if a sibling rivalry began and created much tension in the house. When I was getting attention and conversation with my mother he would routinely interupt us. When the attention was getting too much, he all of a sudden came up with his problems that he was depressed and needed help with.
When money would disapear, he had a new excuse, that I was in the house, how come no one questioned me. He even took money from my wallet while I was there. I trully felt I was going to go insane, it's enough to deal with your own problems, then to return to a home where this type of dysfunction is the norm, and be thrown under the bus by my brother, while I was suffering enough, became too much for me. This is a 40 year old man who eats cereal and watches cartoon at 2:00 in the afternoon with no concious, while my 60 year old mother works, and also supports my grandmother who lives with them. My mother knows his problem and feels helpless so does nothing to change it and does not want to talk about it. Unfortunately this enables him, as it sounds your parents do with your brother. At age 40, my brother resented me simply for getting my mothers attention and disrupting his way of living. It's sad but its a drug users  mentality. For you to now be suffering and need help or attention must be driving your brother mad. And with all you are already going through, to have to deal with this pathetic attitude, must make you feel you are going to go insane, it's exactly what I thought and felt. Thrown into a situation beyond your control, where you don't want to be, in need of family help when it is all you have, and to have to deal with this to boot, it is enough to make one go crazy. My solution was to get out as quickly as possible, realizing it would not change in that household, to deal with my depression in a better environment. I am on my own in aplace I am not happy with, it makes me depressed, but has been far better than staying in that house. If this is at all an option for you, I would highly recomend it. I would say it will be hard for you to heal and get better in the environment you are in.
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 10, 2008 - 1:24PM #19
joycon
Posts: 2,788
Wise words tpop. Good for you for moving on and trying to take care of yourself the best you can.
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 28, 2008 - 10:54AM #20
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

SunRaz wrote:

Ya know what, I've been thinking about how my dad's attitude was when he and my mom came over last sunday to talk to us. The minute I opened the front door he was allining himself with my brother. My parents have avocado trees and my dad had a couple bags of them in his hands. The first thing he said to me was "these are for Brett." I said "OK" I mean, I thought it was weird because he had so many, buy what ever! I went to take them from him to put them in the kitchen and he turned his shoulder to me and heald them out away from me so I couldn't reach them. I was thinking to myself, Gezzz, alright already! He went to my brothers bedroom door and said "hey Brett, these avocados are for you" still holding the bags in his hands. Brett answered for him to put them in the kitchen and when doing so he repeated that they were for Brett. I mean, what ever!!! I know it sounds petty and it is, but when you've been called a liar and selfish and when you've been rejected for so long, every little thing has meaning. The rest of the day went along those lines, including saying that I should kiss Bretts ass, twice. These are the examples of men I've grown up with. Stupid, petty, self absorbed, disrespectful, jerks. My dad used to beat us with a piece of wood. When we "deserved spankings." Stupid jerk. He thinks he can come over here when I'm so sick I can bairly get out of bed and tell me to kiss my brothers ass when neither can even treat me like a valuable human being? I don't think so. They can both kiss my ass! Funny thing is when my dad had said that the avos were Brett's for about the 5th time, my mom said... their for both of you to split, looking at my dad with discust. She picked up on it too, the attitude.

My dad went off on me a couple months ago and told me I'd be in the gutter if it weren't for him. That I'm a failure. I lived on my own as long as I could after I couldn't make it to work any longer. I lived on my savings for 2 years before I was broke, I just kept thinking I'd get back to work. When it came time to face the reality that I needed help, my parents had been telling me for a while that I could come home. I knew it would be a bad idea. I haven't felt this low and beat down in my life, ever! I've been gone 8 years. It's hard to imagine going through this 8 years. I don't think I could do it.

I get so tired of feeling like a whiping post. I know I'm not a failure and I surely wouldn't be in the gutter. Right now it's me and my kitty agains't the world! I've just got to keep praying. I know they don't even understand what I have. I'm at peace in my soul because I know God has a plan for me and on better days I can even forgive them because their obviously lost. It's just harder somedays than others.

Sun


Hello Sun, I read your post and I thought I **knew** where you were going.... Your dad going off on you just like Brett does for no reason. And him aligning himself with Brett. The **special** packages just for Brett, and blocking you from touching it. The delivery directly to Brett, and the implication that you can't touch it or feel it.

That there was more in that package than just avocados. I hope I was wrong.

Not all men are like your Dad, or your brother.....

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