First my heart and prayers go out to you. Second you are not alone......there are millions of Americans just like you going through this same ordeal. I am not sure what area you live in but every county has a senior center or Council of Older and Aging Americans that usually have daily, 3 times a week or weekly activites for seniors. It does not sound like your Dad's alzheimers is in an advanced stage as of yet and the more active he stays the better it will be for him and you. Try to get him in with the senior activities. This will give him a chance to be around people of his own age group help with his depression and give you a couple of hours of down time - to go shopping, walk in the park, go home and scream all by yourself. Also check with your local hospital or the Alzheimers Association in your area and attend a monthly alzheimers caregivers support group meeting - being with those who are going through or have been through the same thing can be lifesaving. Also there is a book you need to read called "The 36 Hour Day" about caregiving - and it has specifics on the alzhiemer'd caregiver. With your surgery coming up in a month you need to try to see if you and your siblings can come to some term to help you out with your dad and your son until you recover. If they are not willing - try to talk things through with your dad to see if you guys can calmly come to terms of short term respite care in a nursing facility just until you recover from your surgery - allow him to help pick it out a short stay at an assisted living may be a better suited choice for him and you seeing as he seems too active and alert easily accept the nursing home. Your local Alzheimer's association chapter can be helpful in suggest some of these respite care places also. But you have to make time for yourself somehow someway. I don't know if your church has a grief recovery program but if they do attend if not find one they usually  meet once a week and it can be a tremendous help to you in coping with the loss and anger of losing your daughter and in the end may help recover the relationship with your son. Remember we are not promised tomorrow and tomorrow can be to late to make amends between you all and you may have to be the bigger person and make the first move. And above all else PRAY - sometimes so much happens to keep us on our knees and he will give us the answers right on time. I hope that this in some way helps you. I will pray for you and your family.

[QUOTE=attitude16;314775]My dad has dementia/alzheimer's and he's only 68 yrs old. I've been taking care of him alone. I've also got a 6 yr old son and I'm also partially diabled. But I've found that caring for my dad does take toll on me and my son. WE moved in with my dad, (cause we lost our home to foreclosure) and after being here for only a few weeks, (the first time) we left. Then we moved back in and stayed for over a month and then he told us to get out! Now, we have moved back in for the 3rd time and things have completely turned around. Dad has started finally listening to me and not arguing with me so much. He's been in and out of the nursing homes, hospitals and the psychiatric units and while we were gone for over a month, I droped him out of my life. I've got sibilings, but they all live in different states. My dad only has 1 brother and 1 sister left and their lives are more important than mine!! And that's not fair. I'm also a grieving mom. My only daughter was killed in an ATV accident on April 22, 2006 at the tender age of 21. I've also filed a wrongful death suit against the homeowner where she was killed at. Yes, I've got a lot going on in my life right now, and I've lost every single friend I've had; no family member to talk to about my dad and no where to go to get a break from everything I'm going through. My son is only in kindergarten and doing great! But we both have our bad days and we let everything out on each other. I also have a 25 yr old son. He lives in the same town as I do, and he never calls me. It's his best friend that I am suing and he refuses to talk to me or his little brother. I also have 4 granddaughter's that I never see. This all weighs on my heart very heavily and I know it weighs on my dad also. He wants to talk, but I don't know what to talk about. I want to spend time with him, besides watching tv. but he doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. What I need is someone who will listen to me and help me. I've got no ambilition, no will to do anything and I'm just totally exhausted. What doesn't help, in a little over a month, I've got to have surgery on my left ankle cause the tendons are so week, I can barely walk. So now what do I do? I am so sick and tired of being told 'no' that we can't or won't help cause our lives are busier than your's. You deal with it and we'll call you. And no one calls.[/QUOTE]
HI attitude, (or and nomi) Sorry I get confused as to which person wrote the post. Geeeeez, you sure do have your plate full. I feel so helpless for you.  All I can say is really try and hang in there. I know its really hard to do. I too know what it's like to have family members need you to help the most "elderly" one in your family because they "cant" or wont. MY grammy is 95 and I love her dearly.  She's been with me since my  daughter was born 14 years ago. Every errand and every thing that needs done ie marketing and such I would do because no one else was available. Then I had a son also 3 years younger then she is and I would have to have them drive her all around with me when they were younger..thus, cutting into their own "mommy" time.  Meanwhie
"Mommy is run ragged or worse.  Also,sounds like you really need to get your ankle fixed.  I can see your already worried about how your going to go about that. we women always put ourselves last and dont take care of ourselves at all.  I will keep you in my prayers each night and hope the weight gets a little lighter on your shoulders gf. Sounds like you have a wonderful little boy there and you're raising him well, when times get tough look into his little eyes and see the pure unconditional love there.  He knows how much you love him.  God Bless..

Eileen