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6 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2009 - 2:38PM #11
dpatel
Posts: 339
I pray that God will bless and comfort you and your husband.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 24, 2009 - 7:55PM #12
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731

str82heart wrote:

Hello!

I am new to this message board so I hope I don't type this up wrong. I am hoping to find a place to vent and find support without having to drive to a support group. I just don't have time.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation. I am 43 years old and my husband is 47. He has deteriorating health problems (Scoliosis, Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, COPD, Emphysema and nodules in one lung they are monitoring every 3 months). In 2002, he was knocked out of a bucket truck 45 feet. Since October 8, 2008, he has been out of work on short-term disability and applying for permanant disability. He constantly hurts, has pain day in and out and fight depression because he cannot do the things he used to.

As for me, I work part time (27-30 hours per week as we don't have anything open full-time right now), go to school part-time and try to hold everything together in between (bills, doctors appointments, mounds of paperwork, etc.)

On top of all this, we purchased property almost 2 years ago (before he was in such a bad state) and have been somewhat 'homesteading' as we were trying to do everything as debt-free as possible. We currently have two wells: an old existing well we are hooked to that is only 45 feet deep, sulfur water (we cannot drink it) and it has been going dry in the winter due to drought. We did have a new well drilled in a different location on the property with good water but can't move there yet due to all the codes & regulations (gotta have a septic, etc.)

Currently, we are carrying wood for heat and water to cook & drink with. We have to take our clothes to the laundromat every week. It is just hard. We only lack our septic ($3,000 roughly) and wiring ($800) in order to move to the other part of the property and have good water. We still need another source of heat as my husband is struggling to keep wood for us. Even when we buy it, he still carries it in and tries to keep the fire going since he's home and I'm mostly working.

Okay, with that being said, let me mention that we did go to a mobile home place to see about getting a mobile home and letting them install the septic, etc. It was possible and we did have the credit but the payments would have been around $700 a month and there is just no way we can pay it. (Our current land payment for five acres is only $310). So, that was not an option.

It is so hard to stay focused right now with all the things hitting me in all direction. I have no one to share with and no support which is why I am posting on here. Anyway, thanks for listening. Maybe, you can help me sort it out since it's usually easier for someone on the outside looking in to see things better. Thank you!



Sounds like you are having a tough time for sure. I don't know where you live...but some mobile home sellers are going out of business, at least in Virginia where I live. AND of course you have the option of with or w/o furniture. One called Oakwood Mobile Homes, is offering great buys. You might get a great deal now. I would like to say, my ex-husband and I were going to get one, and share the payments. We were able to get payments of les than $400.00 a month. And this included some furniture. However, we didn't go thru with it...divorced instead. (He was too hard to live with). My second husband died, after suffering a long time, with COPD. He died in 1999. I wish you well, and hope things get better for you.......:)

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 9:47AM #13
LindaMoklak
Posts: 71
Dear Heavenly Father, In all their present need, help them to believe that You are aware of their anxiety and will do what is best for them.  Give them the strenght to trust You and put the present and future in Your hands.  Grant this through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen!   Please hold on to your faith & on to hope... Do not "Give up" as giving up will make your situations permanent..  Sigmund Freud said: "Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strenght."  So  if your obstacles are bringing you down, let your determination bring you up.  When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.  God's help is always available, you need to give all your burdens to Him & He will give you solutions & peace....  Courage is fear that has said it's prayers..  So give your burdens to God & pray for His guidance, for an open mind to receive it, and for the courage and confidence to use it.   May the Lord bless you & keep you...
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 6:05PM #14
Storymaker
Posts: 25
[QUOTE=Nomi69;1041606]Sounds like you are having a tough time for sure. I don't know where you live...but some mobile home sellers are going out of business, at least in Virginia where I live. AND of course you have the option of with or w/o furniture. One called Oakwood Mobile Homes, is offering great buys. You might get a great deal now. I would like to say, my ex-husband and I were going to get one, and share the payments. We were able to get payments of les than $400.00 a month. And this included some furniture. However, we didn't go thru with it...divorced instead. (He was too hard to live with). My second husband died, after suffering a long time, with COPD. He died in 1999. I wish you well, and hope things get better for you.......:)[/QUOTE]
I almost feel like I belong here. After spending 40 years taking care of my mom [battling cancer, 6 months to live turned into nearly 20 years], then 2 kids to raise, a mother-in-law who died from her 2nd massive stroke, and losing my 2nd husband to his "true love"- alcohol - I find myself in the most aggravating position of being subjected to my own children's care-taking tendencies. My son, an EMT and pre-med or pre-nursing student, does frequent checks of my physical health. My daughter works for Continuing Care at the hospital where I went originally, so she deals with a bit of everything. I had a "bleed" - stroke on 12 - 04 - 2007, then an "infarct" stroke on Jan 4 2009. I lost my job from the first stroke because I was hospitalized for 3 work-days during my probation, so now I am seen at the county clinic [don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have any kind of medical care] for follow-up and the "new" stroke. The m.d. just shrugged her shoulders, she has no idea what is happening to me, and didn't argue with me that I am too young to be having strokes as well as being concerned about the possibility of a fatal stroke...I used to be a health educator.

The only thing worse that being the caretaker when times are really rough is being the person who USED to be the caretaker and not being able to [realistically] do anything useful to deal with the situation. My empathy goes out to all who face the "smaller" burdens of taking care of things...you are doing a great job, even if you don't believe it!
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 9:52PM #15
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731

Storymaker wrote:

I almost feel like I belong here. After spending 40 years taking care of my mom [battling cancer, 6 months to live turned into nearly 20 years], then 2 kids to raise, a mother-in-law who died from her 2nd massive stroke, and losing my 2nd husband to his "true love"- alcohol - I find myself in the most aggravating position of being subjected to my own children's care-taking tendencies. My son, an EMT and pre-med or pre-nursing student, does frequent checks of my physical health. My daughter works for Continuing Care at the hospital where I went originally, so she deals with a bit of everything. I had a "bleed" - stroke on 12 - 04 - 2007, then an "infarct" stroke on Jan 4 2009. I lost my job from the first stroke because I was hospitalized for 3 work-days during my probation, so now I am seen at the county clinic [don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have any kind of medical care] for follow-up and the "new" stroke. The m.d. just shrugged her shoulders, she has no idea what is happening to me, and didn't argue with me that I am too young to be having strokes as well as being concerned about the possibility of a fatal stroke...I used to be a health educator.

The only thing worse that being the caretaker when times are really rough is being the person who USED to be the caretaker and not being able to [realistically] do anything useful to deal with the situation. My empathy goes out to all who face the "smaller" burdens of taking care of things...you are doing a great job, even if you don't believe it!





You have my sympathy. Until 2002, I had spent about the last 15 years of my life "caregiving" someone. Even worked as a job, 3 1/2 years as a caregiver. Anyway....I had my grandchildren(two as young kids) for 2 1/2 years, then my own chronically ill husband(second)of 13 years, and both parents. My father died from multiple strokes, that left him bedridden, and finally passed from pneumonia. My mother was murdered, in 2002. Sadly, a very ill family member was convicted, and is incarcerated for it. My late husband died in 1999 of COPD. Altho it is an honorable thing to help loved ones, it is one of the most difficult things in the world, doing caregiving. Especially if your own health is not good, which mine never has been. I was in my 50's with my grandchildren(one had ADD/HD), in my 60's with my husband and parents. At times, I had all three, alone. I am now 70 years old, and literally worn to a frazzle. It has all taken a great toll on me. I am still so weary that I do good to make it thru another day. I am all but a recluse, and have very little I look forward to in this life. Were it not for my love of GOD, and my Bible-based beliefs...I would much rather join my parents and my husband, but I continue to try and trudge on to help others.  Sounds like your life is in a similar vain. I pray you can continue to survive. Best Wishes.......:)

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 9:52PM #16
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731

Storymaker wrote:

I almost feel like I belong here. After spending 40 years taking care of my mom [battling cancer, 6 months to live turned into nearly 20 years], then 2 kids to raise, a mother-in-law who died from her 2nd massive stroke, and losing my 2nd husband to his "true love"- alcohol - I find myself in the most aggravating position of being subjected to my own children's care-taking tendencies. My son, an EMT and pre-med or pre-nursing student, does frequent checks of my physical health. My daughter works for Continuing Care at the hospital where I went originally, so she deals with a bit of everything. I had a "bleed" - stroke on 12 - 04 - 2007, then an "infarct" stroke on Jan 4 2009. I lost my job from the first stroke because I was hospitalized for 3 work-days during my probation, so now I am seen at the county clinic [don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have any kind of medical care] for follow-up and the "new" stroke. The m.d. just shrugged her shoulders, she has no idea what is happening to me, and didn't argue with me that I am too young to be having strokes as well as being concerned about the possibility of a fatal stroke...I used to be a health educator.

The only thing worse that being the caretaker when times are really rough is being the person who USED to be the caretaker and not being able to [realistically] do anything useful to deal with the situation. My empathy goes out to all who face the "smaller" burdens of taking care of things...you are doing a great job, even if you don't believe it!





You have my sympathy. Until 2002, I had spent about the last 15 years of my life "caregiving" someone. Even worked as a job, 3 1/2 years as a caregiver. Anyway....I had my grandchildren(two as young kids) for 2 1/2 years, then my own chronically ill husband(second)of 13 years, and both parents. My father died from multiple strokes, that left him bedridden, and finally passed from pneumonia. My mother was murdered, in 2002. Sadly, a very ill family member was convicted, and is incarcerated for it. My late husband died in 1999 of COPD. Altho it is an honorable thing to help loved ones, it is one of the most difficult things in the world, doing caregiving. Especially if your own health is not good, which mine never has been. I was in my 50's with my grandchildren(one had ADD/HD), in my 60's with my husband and parents. At times, I had all three, alone. I am now 70 years old, and literally worn to a frazzle. It has all taken a great toll on me. I am still so weary that I do good to make it thru another day. I am all but a recluse, and have very little I look forward to in this life. Were it not for my love of GOD, and my Bible-based beliefs...I would much rather join my parents and my husband, but I continue to try and trudge on to help others.  Sounds like your life is in a similar vain. I pray you can continue to survive. Best Wishes.......:)

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 28, 2009 - 8:38PM #17
peggy b
Posts: 1
Dear Heart(str82)i would love to talk with u.i 2 have all the same medical problems your husband does except,nodules.please e-mail me,bearmom74@yahoo.com,thank u
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4 years ago  ::  Sep 26, 2010 - 2:54AM #18
anitacj
Posts: 1

I know where you're coming from.I'm my mother's caregiver since I  was in Jr. High.Before my Freshman yr. in H.S. Two members of my family died within 2 yrs of each other.Before my 20th b.d 2 more family members died within 2 yrs of each other.Before my 30th b.d.the 5th family member died.So out of 7 there are 2 left.Myself & my mom.Not only have I gone through all this,but I'm having to take care of my mom & husband.My mom has diebetes,manic depression,copd,asthma,high blood pressure,arthritis,osteoperitis(sp) not quite osteoarthitis but close,and she just finished chemo & radiation treatment for breast cancer.She's had 2 lumpectomys last yr.Now the 6 month mammogram showed up suspicious.Not only that but I found out that my dad has lung cancer & is on dialysis (he lives in W.Texas.


And recently my husband,lost his job,our car was repo'd.And he was working for a guy at our church.When he started having severe pain and had to go to the local VA clinic.They thought he had a kidney stone.So they did a MRI in Shreveport and it didn't show anything.He's supposed to go back and see the dr.Plus mom has to go and have more tests.So I definently know where you're coming from as far as stress goes.There are days I don't feel like dealing with either my mom or husband but I have to cause there is no one else

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13 months ago  ::  Aug 11, 2013 - 1:34AM #19
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731

Caregiving is one of the hardest jobs there is. It drains you of your energy physically and mentally. People who haven't done it have no idea how hard it is. It isn't uncommon for nurses to "burn" out. I sympathize with anyone who is doing caregiving. If possible it is better to put the person in a nursing facility. Even then there are many things that you must attend to if it is a family member. BUT it is preferable than having to do all the care on your own.  It is said it has a negative effect on the caregiver. I do believe that. I know it has taken a heavy toll on my own. So if you have ever walked in the caregiver's shoes...you surely know iots by no means a picnic. We all want the best for those we love...but it comes at a cost, when you are the one doing all the care for another person. Its a hard road to walk, thats for sure.  

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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