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6 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2008 - 5:53PM #1
str82heart
Posts: 2
Hello!

I am new to this message board so I hope I don't type this up wrong. I am hoping to find a place to vent and find support without having to drive to a support group. I just don't have time.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation. I am 43 years old and my husband is 47. He has deteriorating health problems (Scoliosis, Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, COPD, Emphysema and nodules in one lung they are monitoring every 3 months). In 2002, he was knocked out of a bucket truck 45 feet. Since October 8, 2008, he has been out of work on short-term disability and applying for permanant disability. He constantly hurts, has pain day in and out and fight depression because he cannot do the things he used to.

As for me, I work part time (27-30 hours per week as we don't have anything open full-time right now), go to school part-time and try to hold everything together in between (bills, doctors appointments, mounds of paperwork, etc.)

On top of all this, we purchased property almost 2 years ago (before he was in such a bad state) and have been somewhat 'homesteading' as we were trying to do everything as debt-free as possible. We currently have two wells: an old existing well we are hooked to that is only 45 feet deep, sulfur water (we cannot drink it) and it has been going dry in the winter due to drought. We did have a new well drilled in a different location on the property with good water but can't move there yet due to all the codes & regulations (gotta have a septic, etc.)

Currently, we are carrying wood for heat and water to cook & drink with. We have to take our clothes to the laundromat every week. It is just hard. We only lack our septic ($3,000 roughly) and wiring ($800) in order to move to the other part of the property and have good water. We still need another source of heat as my husband is struggling to keep wood for us. Even when we buy it, he still carries it in and tries to keep the fire going since he's home and I'm mostly working.

Okay, with that being said, let me mention that we did go to a mobile home place to see about getting a mobile home and letting them install the septic, etc. It was possible and we did have the credit but the payments would have been around $700 a month and there is just no way we can pay it. (Our current land payment for five acres is only $310). So, that was not an option.

It is so hard to stay focused right now with all the things hitting me in all direction. I have no one to share with and no support which is why I am posting on here. Anyway, thanks for listening. Maybe, you can help me sort it out since it's usually easier for someone on the outside looking in to see things better. Thank you!
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 17, 2008 - 1:07PM #2
Find1Answer
Posts: 7,383
Hi Str82heart

One of the worst things is that you have no one to share with.      isn't that the pits.    Please avail yourself here because we like to share here.      I am in a caretaker situation too,   9 years of my dad that has passed and now my mother.    It is hard to do and nearly impossible to make a living wage.       
Alot of what you are doing,  school,homesteading is work for the future and I commend you.    Please be careful about burning your candle from both ends!!     you will run out of steam.    I know that is a difficult chore,  the one of taking care of yourself but please do try.    Turn your work and your school into a rejuvenating experience if possible,  you gotta have something!    I use my work as fulfilling time for me,   and I get paid for it,  how can it get better than that!?!       Have you looked into homes for habitat?  or crown homes, which is what it is called in locale where you can get government assistance with housing?   Farm Home is another good one.     good luck and write back.      what we caretakers need is compassion and an outlet to vent.    When I vent I feel sometimes folks don't want to hear it.    they tell me if you cannot handle it offload it.     maybe it is the martyr in me that just looks at them as if they do not have a clue.  lol
Bush's "de-Bathification program" eliminated all vestiges of Sunni power in Iraqi society and set the stage for the Sunni insurrection against American occupation and the new Shiite-led government. Bush disbanded the entire Sunni-dominated Iraqi Army and bureaucracy. He didn't change it. He didn't make it more inclusive of Shiites and Kurds. He just disbanded it. It is no accident that two of the top commanders of today's ISIL are former commanders in the Saddam-era Iraqi military.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 19, 2008 - 11:52AM #3
foley921m
Posts: 1
This and you are searching for water too?  I am so much like you and i see myself in you. It has opened my eyes to the fact the both you and I are taking on too much responsibility and need to let God do His part in things. In another words, "Let Go, Let God" to quote an AA quote ( they won't mind). You and I are taking on the responsibilities of the world it seems. Time to let others do their part in figuring out solutions to all of these problems that are pulling you under. The difference here is that I am not married so there is no one except God forr me to give my problems to. He asks us to give our problems to him...and he will give us rest. There are things here and in my life even Wonder Woman can't solve by herself, yet she keeps trying ....and is probably or definately getting herself sick in doing so. I have many of the sickneses that your husband has, but i live alone. Since i am so much like you and your husband combined. I think i will try to take my own advice and not try to control everything and just stick to doing my part in the daily living responsibilities, and pray about the rest. I know that God is fully aware of all our problems and is getting ready to do a mighty work in our lives. Its too overwhelming for me to figure out. I will leave it up to God, whatever comes what may. God bless you and your husband.
foley921m



[QUOTE=str82heart;956382]Hello!

I am new to this message board so I hope I don't type this up wrong. I am hoping to find a place to vent and find support without having to drive to a support group. I just don't have time.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation. I am 43 years old and my husband is 47. He has deteriorating health problems (Scoliosis, Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, COPD, Emphysema and nodules in one lung they are monitoring every 3 months). In 2002, he was knocked out of a bucket truck 45 feet. Since October 8, 2008, he has been out of work on short-term disability and applying for permanant disability. He constantly hurts, has pain day in and out and fight depression because he cannot do the things he used to.

As for me, I work part time (27-30 hours per week as we don't have anything open full-time right now), go to school part-time and try to hold everything together in between (bills, doctors appointments, mounds of paperwork, etc.)

On top of all this, we purchased property almost 2 years ago (before he was in such a bad state) and have been somewhat 'homesteading' as we were trying to do everything as debt-free as possible. We currently have two wells: an old existing well we are hooked to that is only 45 feet deep, sulfur water (we cannot drink it) and it has been going dry in the winter due to drought. We did have a new well drilled in a different location on the property with good water but can't move there yet due to all the codes & regulations (gotta have a septic, etc.)

Currently, we are carrying wood for heat and water to cook & drink with. We have to take our clothes to the laundromat every week. It is just hard. We only lack our septic ($3,000 roughly) and wiring ($800) in order to move to the other part of the property and have good water. We still need another source of heat as my husband is struggling to keep wood for us. Even when we buy it, he still carries it in and tries to keep the fire going since he's home and I'm mostly working.

Okay, with that being said, let me mention that we did go to a mobile home place to see about getting a mobile home and letting them install the septic, etc. It was possible and we did have the credit but the payments would have been around $700 a month and there is just no way we can pay it. (Our current land payment for five acres is only $310). So, that was not an option.

It is so hard to stay focused right now with all the things hitting me in all direction. I have no one to share with and no support which is why I am posting on here. Anyway, thanks for listening. Maybe, you can help me sort it out since it's usually easier for someone on the outside looking in to see things better. Thank you![/QUOTE]
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 21, 2008 - 12:05PM #4
leeanndanzig
Posts: 3
I can completely understand where you are coming from my husband is also sick as well as myself and we have gone through just about anything you can think of. For example wondering were we will get or how we will get food ect. It is very frustrating, my husband has been waiting for disablity for 2 years and I have Worker's comp which doesn't cover all our bills. All I can say is keep the faith and Give it up to God and he will be there for you he always is for eveyone. Believe me things will get better and I will pray for you.

God Bless you and your Husband
Leeann Danzig
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 21, 2008 - 9:36PM #5
misstee36
Posts: 1
Oh honey, you so just wrote my life as it occured 23 years ago.  I had just met my husband and one week later he had his first surgery on his back,. It was a year in a wheelchair, then loftstrain crutches, then a walker, then a cane and then walking unassisited.  That was until the next surgery, then we started over again.  Once he was bedridded for over a year.  Now it has been 7 back surgeries, two neck surgeries, 4 hand surgeries and one nerve relocation and many pain treatments.  At first he was very depressed and thought about ending his life on aleast two differant occasions.  He had a hard time dealing with the fact that he would never work again and I can tell you this was not how I thought my life should have turned out either.  But we learned not only to accept this, we learned to understand and accept that our lives were going to be differant from most of the "normal" couples that we knew. We had to make alot of changes to our life,  he would stay home and watch and raise our kids (now 23 and 18) and I was to be the bread winner.  I was and still am scared to death sometimes about the bills,  but we do make it. We will never own a new car (we by used),  we do have a nice double wide moble home on five acres of land.  I have two jobs and sometimes it is still hard, but somehow we do it and you will too.  I am not going to tell you that I have never thought about what it would be like to have someone that would work and take care of me, becauce I have, but not for long. I know that this is still new for you and your husband and ya'll are still finding your way and you will.  No it won't be easy and sometimes you may feel like you want to cry and not stop, but you must talk to each other and tell each other how you feel and I promise your love for each other will get you through this. You both have the right to get depressed, upset and yes even angery about how this has changed your lives, but remember ya'll are their for each other and you have to help the other one through this.  You both are so in our thoughts and prayers.  Take one day at a time. Enjoy the good times' it will get you through the bad times.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2008 - 11:47AM #6
Egbert
Posts: 1
The stresses and problems that you are dealing with on such an ongoing basis can cause depression that makes even getting up an effort.  I worked with many patients and families over the 27 years I did home health.  I learned that there are resources in the community that can give some assistance and make life a little more tolerable.  Churchs can give some help. There are local charities that have social workers also that can help access some state and federal monies, even in these economic times.  Learning to reach out for help can be difficult but is worth the effort.  People like to help out neighbors if only asked.  I also lived in a cabin that did not have running water, cooked and heated with a wood burning stove and was very drafty.  that lasted 8 years.  Meanwhile I was the one working regularly on a part-time basis as my daughter was pre-school.  As soon as she started school, I started working full-time.  My husband was healthy but lazy and only worked occasionally.  I went back to school while working and caring for home and child.  It gave me the credentials I needed to get a better job and income.  Good luck and know that you are doing the best you can at all times.  Blessings on you at this time of the year and throughout.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2008 - 4:21PM #7
7pleiades7
Posts: 2
Your post and many of the replies proved to me that I'm not alone. I so totally understand your situation! My husband and I are both on our second marriage and it is NOTHING like we dreamed it would be. First, I got a very aggressive cancer that could easily have taken my life. I'm healthy now but my husband is a mess. He has rheumatoid arthritis so bad he is in constant pain. The disease is rapidly getting worse and he too, is depressed that he can't do the things he used to love to do. Then recently he had a heart attack and continues to have heart problems. He is overwight due to a combination of medication and lack of exercise, but it's too hard for him to do anything. His cardiologist told him he needs to start walking - but then his rheumatologist told him if he didn't keep off his feet very soon he won't be able to walk at all! He needs to have his ankles fused but because of his heart medication he can't have surgery or he'll bleed to death... and if he stops taking that particular medicine his arteries will clog up and he'll be at risk for another heart attack! He used to make a good living but he's been out of work now for ten months. He's definitely a candidate for Disibility but it's extremely hard to get it. We have good insurance left over from his job but now we are paying for it ourselves which is costing us an extra $950/mo. on top of our regular living expenses. My husband takes over a dozen prescription medicines for various things so we can't afford to NOT have insurance. But now I've been laid off of my job too so our income has dropped even more. It is very scary to be in this situation. I don't know how we're going to do it. We worry about losing our insurance. We worry about my cancer coming back. We worry about not being able to pay the rent and having no place to live. We both have grown children with their own families and homes but we never dreamed we'd see the day when we'd have to move in with one of them! When we were first married we bought some land and planned to build a small house. I've never had a real house. We had to sell the land, along with some other dreams. Now I just pray that we can keep what we have. I could go on, but I won't. You are not alone! Many of us are in really difficult situations. My only hope is that President Obama will be able to help us all!
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2008 - 10:42PM #8
2008believer
Posts: 4
I wish that we all did not have the burdens of this world on our shoulders but just know you are not alone.. We all have to carry the weight. I feels so unfair.but don't give up where there is a will there is away..
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 23, 2008 - 11:36AM #9
ckoleson71
Posts: 2
I understand how you feel. I have been both the caretaker and I am now having physical problems of my own. It is hard to find people to confide in. They tend to be unfortunatly a bit judgemental sometimes. It's important to find the right people to confide in. I can tell you what The LORD has told me maby it will help you too. He of course did'nt cause this to happen and it is not His will for you. Be that as it may, He uses pain and suffering to draw us closer to Him to learn to trust Him and depend on Him more. He also uses it to perfect our character.
Try not to focus on all the problems you have that will just overwhelm you and you will feel there is no way out and it will never end. Instead focus on your relationship with the Lord and draw on His comfort, ask Him to make Himself real to you in tangable ways read His word especially the psalms. The Lord came not just to save us from our sins but from all it's awful affects on our lives including what we go through on a daily basis how ever He always puts our relationship and the maturing of our character first even if that causes us to suffer for awhile. I know is a hard thing to hear that we will suffer here but heres the way I look at it. We are going to suffer anyway most of the time  so why not get something out of it something eternal. Thats why epostil paul said count it all joy when you go through various trials it will perfect your faith. He will take care of your needs just confide in Him tell Him everything every fear, every doubt be honest with Him even if you have a hard time believing everything will be alright He understands. Jesus ever lives to make intersession for us! He knows how we feel! He cares more than we can comprehend. For we have a high preast who is touched with our feelings! He has provided for me when I thought Lord I have no way to pay for this broken down car, broken fridge, doctor, medicine ect. And I just pray and wait and He has always come through and just in time. He has even had people do things for me they did not want to do and one guy said as he was doing what he didnt want to do for me and my dad " I don't understand why I'm doing this but I'm going to do it anyway." I am praying for you and just know The Lord cares and everything will work out to your good and His glory!!!
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2009 - 2:36PM #10
dpatel
Posts: 339
I pray that God will look after and comfort you and your husband. God bless.
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