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Switch to Forum Live View drinking makes me ugly, but feel happy
6 years ago  ::  Dec 11, 2008 - 8:13AM #1
sirendelago
Posts: 1
I don't want to drink, I really don't!  But, it helps me deal with stuff.  It's strange, if I have to be sober, I can be. I don't drink constantly.  I'm a bartender.  I usually start around midnight and end about six.  It's funny.  A couple months ago, I had to face the hardest thing for me, sober.  My grandfather died, he and I were very close.  We lived together with other family members.  I was terrified of seeing him in the coffin.  (When my paternal grandfather died when I was 13. I became nearly hysterical).  I was going to ask my doctor for some sedative, but didn't have time.  I was two days sober when i saw my papaw, no freakout.  Yet, after the viewing and burial (in another state) I drink heavily almost every night. (BTW, my family is super messed up, like cops stop by and stuff).
If I can get through something as difficult as my Papaw's death sober, yet I drink heavily every night (almost).  Am I an alcoholic or just trying to avoid issues?  I can tell drinking has had a physical effect on me.  I don't look like me.  I used to be pretty and modeled.  I look harsh and old.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 11, 2008 - 1:39PM #2
Agnosticspirit
Posts: 9,244
Hello sirend, welcome to Beliefnet! I was a bartender years ago.... where I developed the palate for exotic drinks, liqueurs, fine cognacs and after hours parties that started at 3 am and ended at dawn because I needed to wind down. Slept all day, woke up late afternoon and started again. It was a good time for awhile but after a year or so I quit going to the after hours parties and started taking long walks on the beach and sipping herbal tea to wind down a little more healthily.... :)

My dad was an alcoholic, my mom and brother ARE alcoholics and the only reason I'm NOT is that I've never permitted myself to develop the habit.   I'm not a teetotaler, but I keep a watch on myself and don't drink that often. 2 drinks is enough to make me slightly tipsy and opt out of driving. I don't want to be a drunk. I'm fortunate that, given the genetic tendencies for drug and alcohol addictions I've inherited, that I escaped the BEAST....

You may only be drinking to avoid issues, but if you develop the habit you may not be able to disentangle yourself from it. Don't let yourself get into this rut as long as you still have a choice. And yeah, if it's affected your appearance then isn't that enough of a warning sign to do something about it?

Best of luck to you and kind regards,

--- agnosticspirit
Tribalism, ethnocentricism, racism, nationalism, and FEAR is the Mind Killer... >:(

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6 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2008 - 6:21PM #3
ODIECOM
Posts: 326
Even If You Drink 5 Days A Week Thats 30 Hours Of Drinking ... A Week.  All Of That Drinking Will And Im Sure Has Taken An Effect On More Than Just Your Looks. How About Your Liver ? Theres Heavy Drinkers, Binge Drinkers, Alkies, And Weekend Warriors.
  When You Drink That Much Each Week ... And Your Seeing The Results Just By Looking In The Mirror ... Id Say You Got A Problem. Just My Opinion.
Odie
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 06, 2009 - 9:02PM #4
Xena4Christ
Posts: 249
When you mess up, don't you just wanna kick yourself in the arse???  Really! 

Please don't feel alone, my friend.  I did it again yesterday at work.   One little sip.  There's always a reason.  I was bored.  My back hurt.  But the next thing I knew I had gotten into the Jack Daniels and then Vodka.   That night I was drenched in sweat and then freezing to death, then sweating again.  The whole next day I felt like crap.   Just a few hours opened in the "pleasure" spot in the brain because of the booze and then hours and hours of agony. 

Is it worth that really?   The next time I even think of the stuff I'm going to slap myself in the face.   I'm bigger than this.   I want to feel good, not bad!  You're not alone, darl.  Let's pray for each other because we matter.  ~hugz~
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2009 - 7:39PM #5
Kapha44
Posts: 401

Xena4Christ wrote:

When you mess up, don't you just wanna kick yourself in the arse???  Really! 

Please don't feel alone, my friend.  I did it again yesterday at work.   One little sip.  There's always a reason.  I was bored.  My back hurt.  But the next thing I knew I had gotten into the Jack Daniels and then Vodka.   That night I was drenched in sweat and then freezing to death, then sweating again.  The whole next day I felt like crap.   Just a few hours opened in the "pleasure" spot in the brain because of the booze and then hours and hours of agony. 

Is it worth that really?   The next time I even think of the stuff I'm going to slap myself in the face.   I'm bigger than this.   I want to feel good, not bad!  You're not alone, darl.  Let's pray for each other because we matter.  ~hugz~



When we get hit by the locomotive who cares how many cars hit us after that.
Lack of control when I wanted control was my problem. I had to find it . But how?

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2009 - 9:29PM #6
Xena4Christ
Posts: 249
Don't ask me, I'm drinking my third white russian right now.   I'm ok and I will stop soon  (I have to because I have a BIG work day tomorrow- sun up to sun down day.  Awful day). 

Before you throw me away as helpless though,  I did great at work.  I was even planning on coming in here, patting myself on the back and saying, yes, it can be done.  (and it can). 

I started drinking these just two hours ago.   Let us analyze this and nip it in the bud, then.  Could be a learning experience for all of us, who knows? 

I was doing great today.  I didn't even want the stuff, seriously.  Our weather  (Mobile, Alabama) had been hot and clammy for so many days, but we had a wonderful cold front blow in so it went down to 65 degrees, it was windy..I felt great.  Got up before sunrise,  did my first job, it went well, went to my second one.  Oh, there was plenty of booze available but I say no way, I don't need it nor want it.  Got home, took my daughter to the orthodontist, got back, ate dinner, washed clothes, wrote a letter to the editor on 'Road Rage'...   and I just felt bad at that point.  I felt down.  Overall ick.  I kept thinking about getting a drink but I kept saying no, just won't.  But kept thinking and thinking and thinking about it.   Then youngest daughter said, "Oh, crap, I forgot!  I have to go to the store for skittles.  The teacher said I must come back to school with skittles tomorrow  (some lame project),  so her dad took her to the gas station to get them, and they came back.  Then the phone rang and it was his friend down the street with some oysters and his own addictions, so my husband left to visit his friend.   It was about ths time that I said, "I want the damn drink and I'm tired of craving it so I think I'll go mix it and be done with it.".   Again, I'm still in control because I'm about to say enough.  I'm happy because i knew when to say when. 

So what have we learned?  Anyone?
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2009 - 2:01AM #7
sentient8
Posts: 20
I have to say I love to drink.  I quit in 2009, (recently too).  I quit because I want to transform my life.  I enjoyed it too.  When I was stressful, I drank, when I wanted to relax and socialize, I drank, when I want to have....I drank....Yummy!  An overdose of anything will make the body suffer.  Salt, sugar, fat, alcohol, smoke... nothing in excess is a good rule, but our life sometimes gets out of balance we take in substances to "balance" it...and before we know it...we're on "merry-go-round" some of us slip off...others of us end up going round and round flat on our backs, but the bottom line is at that point we aren't havin' any fun! (any more) So when the ride ceases to be fun...get off.

Well after 10 years, not every day for 10 years, but 10 years of being a "partaker" and about 3 of those years seriously trying to get my party on...including some passing outs! I learned something about the body.  The body is your machine.  Think of it as a car.  You wouldn't put transmission fluid in the gas tank or water for oil.  Well that's really what alcohol is like.  Alcohol is not the best thing to put in your machine.  You might be looking to be comfortable while in your machine and facing the challenges of your life. Alcohol will certainly cause you to forget some of the tension you may experience!

I learned that the body tries to balance out what ever I put in it.  I found that the more alcohol I put in it, the more the body came to look for its dose, the less I put in it,  then the body demanded (craved) less. The "control" was in what the body became accustomed to.   So when I wanted to drink less so that I would not appear to be an "alcoholic" I would drink less and the body would require less.  If I drank every night "to relax" the body looked for its nightly serving!

Now there was also a difference in the types of alcohols, if I drank wine or sake then my body recovered faster, if I drank tequila or vodka...recovery (the next day) was tougher.

I asked myself if I was an alcoholic during some periods and my answer to myself was no. My reasoning was that the moment I accepted that label, I would be one. Then I would have two problems, drinking (and the physical stress that comes with the body detoxing) and then being an alcoholic and the mental stress that comes with it.   Now I am sure that to others I may be what they label an alcoholic, but I think labels only stick if you ACCEPT them. 

Your body will adjust to anything that you put in it and like a good servant, will begin to want what you want, then when you are ready to give it up...you can either stop, suffer the few weeks of withdrawal or decrease the intake. That is a "harm reduction" model.  If you drink five glasses, slow down to three and then two.  If you drink hard stuff, drink softer stuff, when you are ready.  Talk to yourself, set a time line and then make a promise to yourself and keep it, talk to  your body and quit. Find other less toxic ways to get high. 

Music can make you high.  find the music that makes your head light.  then find other things that  make your head light.   Did you know there is a state between dreaming and waking that is awesome?  Find those spaces, you can't experience them when your brain and body is reacting to alcohol. 

Don't give yourself more stress by labeling yourself.  If you think you drink too much, drink less and when you are ready. Stop.  But remember your body, the good servant will experience withdrawal effects.  Be respectful of your body, learn more about what to expect and pamper it until it detoxes.  We treat our cars pretty nice and we don't label them if we put the wrong thing in it.   If you look bad, (unhealthy) then stop drinking.  Drink cups/mugs of hot water, it flushes out the toxins and is a comfort drink.  Not coffee, chocolate just plain hot water or tea without sugar, but hot water is best. Thats what I do.  I like it and feel good and my eyes are much whiter.  I like that look better than the red, glassy eyes!  Vanity is a good defense too!  Think about how short the high lasts and how long the recovery period lasts, 4 hours of bliss to 8 to 12 hours of hangover!   okay...enough already Be happy and remember that you know what to do.....It's really between you and God...one other thing, if you think your ingesting the toxic substance is working against your own life goals...should you change things?  You can when you are ready....
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2009 - 6:24AM #8
Kapha44
Posts: 401

Xena4Christ wrote:

Don't ask me, I'm drinking my third white russian right now.   I'm ok and I will stop soon  (I have to because I have a BIG work day tomorrow- sun up to sun down day.  Awful day). 

Before you throw me away as helpless though,  I did great at work.  I was even planning on coming in here, patting myself on the back and saying, yes, it can be done.  (and it can). 

I started drinking these just two hours ago.   Let us analyze this and nip it in the bud, then.  Could be a learning experience for all of us, who knows? 

I was doing great today.  I didn't even want the stuff, seriously.  Our weather  (Mobile, Alabama) had been hot and clammy for so many days, but we had a wonderful cold front blow in so it went down to 65 degrees, it was windy..I felt great.  Got up before sunrise,  did my first job, it went well, went to my second one.  Oh, there was plenty of booze available but I say no way, I don't need it nor want it.  Got home, took my daughter to the orthodontist, got back, ate dinner, washed clothes, wrote a letter to the editor on 'Road Rage'...   and I just felt bad at that point.  I felt down.  Overall ick.  I kept thinking about getting a drink but I kept saying no, just won't.  But kept thinking and thinking and thinking about it.   Then youngest daughter said, "Oh, crap, I forgot!  I have to go to the store for skittles.  The teacher said I must come back to school with skittles tomorrow  (some lame project),  so her dad took her to the gas station to get them, and they came back.  Then the phone rang and it was his friend down the street with some oysters and his own addictions, so my husband left to visit his friend.   It was about ths time that I said, "I want the damn drink and I'm tired of craving it so I think I'll go mix it and be done with it.".   Again, I'm still in control because I'm about to say enough.  I'm happy because i knew when to say when. 

So what have we learned?  Anyone?



When I thought I was in control I was out of control. To me it does not matter at what point someone is dancing on that slippery board, begining middle or the end. Sooner or later I have to fall off. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt to prove it.

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2009 - 11:59AM #9
hm2menger
Posts: 171
Iwas raised by parents tat drank abusively, joined the Navy and did the same. After being arrested for drunk driving, I spent several days insisting "I'm not an alcoholic, I have a drinking problem". At last it came to me, what's the difference? If drinking causes problems in your life, you need to stop drinking, the name that you give the problem isn't important, only the solution is.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2009 - 1:55PM #10
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,227
Xena4Christ:

[QUOTE]took my daughter to the orthodontist[/QUOTE]How long since your last visit to a therapist?
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