Post Reply
Page 1 of 22  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 22 Next
6 years ago  ::  Sep 09, 2008 - 11:28PM #1
Nay_ho_tze
Posts: 2,605
The intention of this thread is to be a safe place for those times
when venting is the only response we have inside us,
when platitudes and graciousness just aren't gonna cut it,
when we need to "get it out" of our system,
lest the negative emotions backwash on our sense of well-being
in the form of unhealthy toxins and destructive sleeplessness.
I expect all of us,
at one time or another,
will visit here to let loose...

Please keep in mind, when posting to this thread,
that in real life, a padded room is usually occupied by only one person.
No-one else is in there responding.
It is for that one person to "get it all out" in a safe environment.
Ideally, that's the purpose of the Padded Room thread.

Now granted, we may be moved to offer support or comfort here.
For my own purposes, unless I am moved by Spirit to respond here,
I generally tend to err on the side of keeping silent.
In that vein then,
please be advised that specifically non-venting-type posts,
unless they offer support or comfort or sympathy,
will be subject to deletion as essentially "off-topic."

So, who's gonna fry that first fish?

NHT
host
=D
Nay_ho_tze
Beliefnet host
designer and artist
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 1:32PM #2
Sharika1991
Posts: 915
I guess I will go first...

Well things were calming down around me... until Don disclosed to me what my parents really thought about me and being bipolar.

For starters, it seems that she cannot understand how I could not be any stronger in dealing with all that has gone on in my adult life.  She insists on comparing her life to mine.  Mind you, she was never homeless, never in need of welfare, lost two children or even remotely dealt with clinical depression.  She believes that if I would just go back to work I would be all better.

Being the way I am and knowing that she had been saying rather mean things about me to Isaac, I had to know why she said what she said.  First thing she said is that she was carrying the burden of being strong for me because I wasn't doing it for myself.  When I brought up every instance that I was strong she said in every instance I brought things on myself.  So I guess the fact that Isaac almost died from his traumatic delivery, that was my fault.  I guess Isaac having asthma at 16 months of age and being in and out of the hospital 5 times before the age of 3 was my fault.  Losing Jacob and Gabrielle was also my doing.  BTW, she also regards me as being an embarassment to her and Dad.  I pretty much knew that after she allowed her older sister, Jean, to talk down about me to my sister when she was just a teen.  Mom did nothing to defend me then and couldn't understand why I was upset and later refused to see Jean and her daughter's family.  In any case, after that she hung up on me.

Then Don calls Dad to let him know what has transpired and is told that I am no longer allowed to talk to Mom because I make her blood pressure go up.  So the support system I thought I had in place really wasn't there.  Go figure!

So I have told Don that he will be the one to deal with my parents while we fix our financial situation.  I have also asked that if something negative is said about me, him or Isaac that it is best not to tell me.  Because Don has not heard anything back from the hospital's administration, he is considering filing an appeal to allow him back into the Navy.  My therapist, Mishele, is willing to see me for $65 per session.  I only see her about every two weeks, so that is not so bad.  I am waiting to call my pdoc to find out what he office's rate is for the uninsured.

In any case, what's done is done and I have to focus on getting better.  I am done trying to please my parents.  I am 35 years old and am tired of doing what they feel is best for me without really knowing the extent of the situation.
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 8:23PM #3
nightwitch
Posts: 728
today makes it 11 years since my dad died. and some time it hurts as much as if it was yesterday.  I understand that and allow it. but what is hurting me now is what I feel is a lack of the same level of grief for my mother that has only be gone a few months.. why do I not feel the same pain and sorrow? my head tells me it is because of all the legal crap my heart tell me I should be griving for her anyway... it is like my feelings are just frozen and it is like she is not gone.. what the hell is wrong with me that I can not feel as much for her as for daddy... maybe because I know she was soo unhappy that I know it was for the best.. but still that seems soo cold and heartless.. I can not say this to other they would not understand. they would think I did not love my mother .. I did but until after my dad died and really only the last couple of years we where not close.. I am too much my father's daughter.. part of me wants to feel something.. maybe unlike my sister I really have little to regart, I made sure she got her wish to died at home.. I kept that promise.. I just do not understand.. and wish I did.. or at least not feel like I am so wrong to not feel more.. i am soo glad for this place.. I can say what I want with out fear of judgement.. I may be a hug back or a off thread email to lend me support.. thank the Goddess for that.. 
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 10:52PM #4
Sharika1991
Posts: 915
First off Linda, many warm hugs to you.

I do understand what you are saying.  Often time I feel that my grief for Gabrielle is much greater than that for Jacob.  I don't know why.  All we can do is hope that one day the answer presents itself and gives some level of closure.

Hang in there, okay?  (((((Linda)))))
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 16, 2008 - 3:53PM #5
nightwitch
Posts: 728
:mad: I find my self slipping into depression and the just not caring .. plus the edgeness of not wanting to be around people. I find my self just wanting to not go to work or leave early. it like my feelings are rubbed with sandpaper and I have to make my self slow my breathing
may be I am old fashion but I find it very tacky and rude when companies look at probate and 5 mo later send out letters offering to buy you home. and add the little we know this is a diffcult time or the one with the condolones what crap.. I know they are trying to get business but it is painful to me and made worse by what is going on with the whole legal mess.. I called on and told them I found it tacky I was nice but still it just not right. and since I am already upset this makes it worse. I have to get form to go to my taxes since I lawyer can not find the copy I left him. He called last night to see if I had done the inventory stuff that non sister wanted.. and to ask about stuff I had already gave him.. he does have a family medical problem going on and he did explain that was why he was calling so late..it just brings all the stuff I had stuffed out of the way back up.. I HATE BEING WEAK... I have to stop putting things off.. I still have not done my mamogram and the stupid chief is calling a mandatory meeting for Thurs .. my much needed day off and at 1:30 pm right in middle of the day.. every thing pissed me off right now.. thanks the Goddess tonight is my last night for the week... pluse I was late to work last night not sure what I did to the clock... :eek: ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 16, 2008 - 11:50PM #6
joycon
Posts: 2,788
((((((((Sharika))))))))))))

(((((((Linda))))))))))))))
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 17, 2008 - 12:35PM #7
twinsmom1990
Posts: 65
I have "officially" been unemployed since Sept 9.  I needed some time off from work, but not this way.  Not out of a job....again.  I'm angry and upset that some people can not be understanding & compassionate.  I wish they could understand how it feels to walk in my shoes...to get up and try to function & act normal...when my world is anything but normal. 
I was working at a job that I loved..for 1 & 1/2 years....until my boss put me under a manager the last 2 months that lived by the "rule book"..no exceptions.  I worked the first 14 months as a perfect employee...no sick days taken, no vacation time off.  But then on May 8, my life took a turn for the worse.  My brother was diagnosed with brain cancer..8 tumors.  He was given less than 3 months to live.  My thoughts immediately went to the time frame  of his impending death..end of July or first part of August.  That same time of year when I have lost so many other loved ones.  I didn't think I could go through it again.
After several weeks of radiation treatments, my sister & I took my brother to the doctor and he was given the grim diagnosis of being put in hospice care.  The date was July 23...the same date I lost my son Bret in 2006..and my Dad's birthday.  Anniversaries of the death of loved ones are always hard, but this made this particular day so much harder.  We took my brother to my sister's house so she could care for him..she is a retired nurse, and with the hospice care, I promised to help her as much as I could.  The hospital bed was put in the same room as the one my Mom died in with neck & throat cancer, on August 11, 2006.  I went back to work, coping as best as I could.  The next weekend, I spent the whole time by my brother's bedside...wondering if I would be strong enough to handle another death so soon.  Back to work for another week..then the next weekend, the end was so near for him.  I stayed at my sister's house, from Friday evening until Wednesday morning....he died during the early morning hours of Aug. 6.
My brother chose to be cremated, and did not want a service, even though he was a retired Milatary veteran of the Navy.  I went back to work the next day and the next, Thursday & Friday.  I had spent my time with him while he was still here.
Last Monday, September 8, I was home sick with a severe sore throat & fever.  I called into work a sick day.  When I returned to work the next day, my "new boss" asked me for a doctor's excuse.  It plainly states in the rule book you need an excuse only after being absent 3 days in a row.  I pointed this out to him...and was told I had an "attitude" and that I shouldn't expect special treatment.  He said also that since I had been moved to his department and he had become my boss, that I had missed work a lot.  Well, excuse me for my brother dying and me having to be off work!  I didn't even get paid for it, so it hurt me financially!  Because my emotions were still very raw, and the grief of losing my brother brought on old grief from losing my son & Mom, I lost it emotionally.  I could not work there anymore...I had to leave, so I quit.  I admit I didn't think through the consequences of my actions...so now here I sit..no job and turning 55 this month.  I wish I had gone through the right channels & resigned...or did something differently, but I didn't.  I applied for unemployment benefits, but I 'voluntarily quit", so they were declined.  I'm hurting emotionally & financially...and angry.   At myself, and for people who don't understand the painful journey of grief.  I hope the person that has left me feeling this way never has to travel this road..but if he does, then may he encounter the understanding I was not able to find.
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 17, 2008 - 4:29PM #8
nightwitch
Posts: 728
((((twinsmom)))  check you bnet page I left you a comment
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 18, 2008 - 6:03PM #9
keegon
Posts: 574
Dear sweet Barb:  I am so so sorry to hear what is going on in your life.  For the life of me, I cannot imagine ALL  the things you've been going through.  It seems it never ceases.  I'm so sorry for you and your girls.  I will keep you in my prayers...and please don't let your SO get you more upset than you are, especialy about the bills.  You're a smart lady and if so, you'll find another job, I'm sure.

About the unemployment thing; I also quit my joc back in 1989 but after telling them about what was going on at work, I got the unemployment anyway for 6 months.  Please try Linda's advice and maybe go back to unemployment and talk to them again.  Good luck.

Karl:  Don't really understand what is going on with you, but I'm so sorry.  Does this have anything to do with the *emailing* thing?  I believe I read that your wife was editing them.  Have a good talk with her and try to let her really know what's going on with you.  Forgive me for interferring but about the sex thing, ask her if maybe you could just cuddle, that may work.

Linda:  you also hang in there.
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Sep 18, 2008 - 6:06PM #10
joycon
Posts: 2,788
(((((((Barb)))))))))) Is there anyway you could talk to your old boss about the whole issue? Also, what about the Equal Employment Opportunity Counsel? I wonder if you would have any legal recourse. I am so sorry you have so much to deal with, so many losses.

Karl, best wishes for you too.
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 22  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 22 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook