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5 years ago  ::  May 20, 2009 - 1:42AM #61
weepingone
Posts: 276

I am so angry right now.  My son is complaining because my husband ate all the chips.  If he would just stop and listen he would maybe understand.  There were not that many chips in the bag when my SO got to them...  And to make things worse, the baby and my hubby are asleep, and he is yelling.  It is not even yelling, it is the language he is using.  He is swearing and yelling...  It makes me so angry...

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5 years ago  ::  May 26, 2009 - 4:48PM #62
Ask.seek.knock
Posts: 1,072
Hmmm, BNET is still rolling downhill and gaining speed.   I'm not sure how much more life this thread has in it since there's a "hitch in the git-along" -- that is, a problem with the chronology between Jan 5 and Jan 15, 2009 (apparently attributed to "recovered" and anachronously "restored" posts).  When I've seen similar occurences on other threads, those threads ultimately have had to be locked down and new versions started.  I thought this was supposed to be a better platform?   I would welcome the "BETA" version back in a heartbeat.  And, why is it that, in spite of all their ads encouraging folks to do so, I have not been able since this last conversion and STILL CANNOT change my "About Me" or "Faith Description"?  Yes, the preceding has been a rant ...

YellYell


Anyway, since the thread is still here for now . . .

HOLIDAYS SUCK!


We visited my husband's parents this weekend, and my FIL passed away Memorial Day afternoon while napping in his chair on the carport.   Y'know, there's nothing quite like the jolt of hearing your MIL shrieking your husband's name when she discovers that FIL's no longer "just sleeping".  NOW, to really top it off, the anniversary of FIL's death will forevermore be two days before my husband's birthday . . .

GDMF Holidays!

ASK

"The best thing you can do for the world is make the most of yourself." -- Wallace D. Wattles

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5 years ago  ::  Jun 03, 2009 - 10:12AM #63
nightwitch
Posts: 728

I hate myself when I get like the.. just BLAH.. the sun is shining flowers are blooming and I am depressed.. bah that makes not sense.. I just feel a strong lack of interest in any thing. O have to go get gas for mower and cut the grass. plus I need to do the trim work.. but is all seems to much... I see all these things I should do and lack the engery and desire to do them. that is so wrong of me.. there is not reason for me to be down.. nothing is going on to do it.. so WHY... may be if I could find that I could work with this better.. I just want to sleep so I can pass time.. when there is so many things to do... and work sucks I know I make of it what I want.. but I just hate working with Marti..but I need to accept that is how it is. at least when A was there we could cut up.. Marti just get on my last nerve.. not sure why.. and I want to say things to her but dont.. talked to sgt about why they posted my hearing results but no one else.. he said he did not know unless it was because of suspension that they can appeal... then he says that all that is talk about at comstat and the sgt are suppose to share it a role call.. that is wrong... and I hate my personal stuff being out there like that.. then I seem to hate almost everything right now.. grrrrrrrrrrr I am so pissed at myself for being like this..

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5 years ago  ::  Jun 04, 2009 - 11:47PM #64
nightwitch
Posts: 728

well here I am back again... I am being so whiny.. next wed is heart stress test I do not want to do it but if you don t follow doc advise why go??? feeling really down and worried. and tomorrow is monday and I just do not want to have to deal with crap at work.. I should be stronger I know.. but I fear medical problems since I have no one that can really help with things. nephew starts school in July... yes I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself with not reason to.. potassum levels are low normal and not sure why.. could be adrenal tumor which would also affect my BP.. they are normally benign but just haveing to worry about that does not help.. I do hate when I get like this..
I have so much going for me.. home. pets, job, I see so many with so much less.. I should be happy... nice weather flower blooming .. rabitts all over the yard, raccoon is back.. both cats are still here.. blessing out weight the worries but some times I can not seem to see that.


ok time to dig down and get that Marine/ Scots strenght back up... ok tomorrow is another day... Lord and Lady let it be a good one... and thank you for this place.. some days I wish I could just stay here Linda

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5 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2009 - 1:17PM #65
nightwitch
Posts: 728

I hate feeling like this .. down no engery.. I have to get on the excise bike ,. that is a must but part of me feel why what difference will it make.. should hear tomorrow about stress test.. more reason to get going... I never thought I would end up like this.. thought I was much stronger person.. there is nothing going on to be dragging me down.. just no interest in doing the things I need to be doing.. have to get the weedeater going.. I so want to just stay in bed or home and not be around people.. so many have so much more going on that I am ashamed that I am whining like this.. I am very blessed in many ways ... but I tend to forget that.. and even when I acknowledge it there does not seem to be any up in it .. I have to get my ass in gear and get over this.. I am stronger then this.. there is not reason for any of this ..


well I am making my self walk over and get on the bike.. eat before work, wash my hair and get off the computer.. I am so glad I have this place and my computer contacts.. it make me feel less alone.. and reminds me that I have nothing to be feeling sorry for myself over..

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5 years ago  ::  Jul 29, 2009 - 2:35PM #66
nightwitch
Posts: 728

time to pay a vist here... I want so much to loose my temper at times and tell coworker where to go.. when I told I could not have Halloween off I was upset but dealing with it.. the the one that got the time just had to put this bug in my brain about she did not take that time to get back at me for not swaping Xmas.. grrr never did that enter my mind ... now it is stuck in there.. if she did not do it for that reason then why did she think i would thinks she did ???? and when I tried to end the whole thing she kept on and on.... it was all I could do to not tell her to go get fk... so now instead of dealing with just missing the most imporant ritual of my year I have this crap that she stuck in my mind. I admit I do not like her and this just added to that ... I had not even thought about Xmas.. she was pretty insentive to ask the frist Xmas after my mother died wanting me to work for her.. now I am depressedd and angry and wanting to tell sgt to never mention any thing about me to her again... he did make a comment about me not holding it against marti.. but you know that just did not enter my mind.. it is in there now all becasue of Marti... I do hold grudges and hell if I will do anything to help her out ... but how to get this anger off my mind...it triggered the feel sorry of my self that I hate.. but I only take on holiday a year off ... plus my way of dealing it to convince myself it does not matter .. and not talk about it... I am going to go feed and take anap

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5 years ago  ::  Jul 30, 2009 - 4:35PM #67
Nay_ho_tze
Posts: 2,605

(((Nightwitch))), I wish I had a magic potion to make it all go away for you...


 

Nay_ho_tze
Beliefnet host
designer and artist
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5 years ago  ::  Jul 31, 2009 - 6:12PM #68
Karla22
Posts: 4

I find myself wondering what I am doing. I'm a mom of two, 22 yrs old and lost in life. I've been clinically depressed for 10 yrs now, but got off the meds 5 yrs ago. It is sowly creeping back up on me. About 2 months ago, it has hit me hard. I've been snapping at the kids, being a complete bi*ch to my hubby and alienating myself from friends. I feel that I am affecting my relationship with my family. I have severe control issues (got it from my parents, i guess) and Body Dismorphic Syndrome. You know, it's nice to hear that you're pretty from just about everyone, but when I look into the mirror, I don't see the beautiful, attractive wife and mother that my family and friends see. All I see is the strech marks and acne from being pregnant recently and imagine how I used to look. I sound very vain. But I cannot help what my mind immediatley wanders to. And it races through my mind ALL day. Does anyone else think this way? Or am I just alone?

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5 years ago  ::  Aug 01, 2009 - 12:28PM #69
nightwitch
Posts: 728

well back again... maybe I could just stay this time... one of the women I work with feel during a test to try to become patrol officer. she hurt her knee and was in roll call in pain I convinced her to go to the ER.. she said she heard something pop when she fell. ok shift sgt is there I ask do I need to tell comm sgt before we leave.. he says no he will take care of it .. no problem right ???? WRONG ... i get back and get called in the office it seems I should have waited about taking her to ER until we could find him and tell him.... did not matter what a sgt told me  no... should have just told that sgt sorry I cant let you do that ... it must be one of us.. then my sgt refused to let me add anything to what he wrote up for "verbal" counsoling.. tried to say it would be kicked back ... I signed it then told him polity that I needed to get back in dispatch .. we where working a traffic accident/ fatality.. yes this could not wait until another day when I was busy dealing with all that ..
I wants so bad to just blow up.. I feel back on the old "no excuse" want to say that if I ever had a emergency and needed to go to ER I would be sure I waited until I go in touch with him just hope I am not haveing a heart attack or bleeding ... " opps sorry cant go to er have not got in touch with my sgt yet"  told he would not happen again.. start to say I would be sure I did not take some one to ER that he could do it... then when she was ready to leave ER there was bunch of crap over who was going to get here.. sgt was suppose to be in dispatch helping... hmm let not say what kind of help he was ... this is why people leave here .. use a little sense with the rules... and stop making them up as you go along..


oh well I can stay here much as I would like to.. i have to go back to jail today..

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5 years ago  ::  Aug 02, 2009 - 1:39AM #70
Dreamweever2
Posts: 733

Sorry everyone. I don't feel right about posting up top. It seems like everyone tries pretty hard to keep that area more on the up beat side, and I'm not in the space to be there. I'm still real frustrated and angry that the last procedure was all for nothing. I am real fortunate that I did not have any more strokes this time.....so far. This time though, I am also on daily aspirin to avoid them. I was made to stay off of the aspirin for 5 days prior to the procedure, so I'm fortunate that didn't mess me up. I'm scared. When I had the procedure done the first two times, I did really well afterward for about 6-7 months. Then after they repeated it the third time, I had the two strokes. Now this time, it did not help at all. I'm healed from the procedure itself, but, I'm still in the same condition I was in before it was done. I'm in physical therapy. I'm really not improving in there, and actually had to stop early yesterday because I couldn't finish because of the pain. There are so many things I need to do, and others I want to do, and I can't. I really want to go back to school, but I don't want to take on the debt in case I can't finish, or I can't work afterwards. I can't afford to live like I'm living now. If it wasn't for child support, I wouldn't be able to make it. The support is going to end in another year. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can barely make it through the grocery store. On days that I have therapy, I can't shower, because if I do, I end up like I did yesterday, in too much pain to finish. This is a miserable existance....not what I would consider a life. If I was 75 or 80 years old, I'd be able to tell myself that it wouldn't be much longer like this, and I'd be free of this broken body. I'm 47, and I'm afraid I'll be stuck like this for a long time. I'm trapped in here, and it sucks.

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