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Switch to Forum Live View The pitfalls of caregiving.......
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 2:20AM #31
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=Moon-Raven61;663931]You & your sister are in my thoughts & prayers. You must be a very strong person indeed.[/QUOTE]

Thanks so much. It is extremely hard to help someone who is incarcerated. Their rules are so rigid, and difficult to get thru. I have begged, pleaded, and more to help my sister to be strong, and deal with her plight...but it is very, very hard. Prisons are not easy to deal with. Just to get a bit of better treatment for an inmate, is near to impossible. They rarely bend any rule(if ever)to help anyone. I feel for anyone who is under the difficult task of caregiving. Noone ever wants to see loved ones harmed...but humans can break down when they are wornout, overwhelmed, and see no end in sight. It can become very, very sad.  Thanks again.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 30, 2008 - 1:26PM #32
gabriel2help
Posts: 10
I'm so sorry for what you and your sister went through. I lived and took care of my mother for quite awhile. Yes, and family would stay away because of my Mother's illness and couldn't stand seeing her like that. So, I'd have to leave her alone and go shopping for her and race back.  She couldn't get out of the bed. She would lay in fetal position. They couldn't pull her legs down. So it stayed that way. She had bad bed sores and I'd have to turn her back and forth evey 5 minutes.  It was hard and my Mother would say to me, I bet you wished that I was dead. I turned around and said no, I wish I was dead. I loved her and kissed her. I sat with her and talked and joked with her. Then she asked me to let her die.  To give her something to kill her. I couldn't do that but, understood the pain she was in. Then she got so bad I had to put her in the hospital. The Doctor told me she was dying but, had to put her in a nursing home.  She never wanted to go in one.  I told the Doctor I was going to put her in one. The next day he told her. When I came in we talked but, when I was leaving she asked me not to put her in the Home.  When I came the next day she was in a coma. I went to visit her and just talked to her and combed her hair.  I kissed her and said good bye. I couldn't go the next day. I just couldn't. My older sister went to see her with her daughter. Then as they walked in the door they told me she died.  I felt like this was going to happen.  I felt a relief of her being with God now.  Then that night I went to bed. I awoke with my Mother calling me to turn her. I looked into her bed room and I saw her in mid air standing looking young and happy.  I was shocked! I looked away then looked back and she was gone.  I knew I wasn't seeing things, then I fell asleep! The morning I woke up with someones arms around me hugging me. I opened my eyes and the feeling was gone. I really believe that it was my Mother saying thank you and I love you! This will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I really believe who ever the care giver is in this world, the people love you who you cared for!  How could they not and if they passed away mad they see what you have done for them after they die. They love you I know that for sure! So please put this in your heart and believe this. It's a good thing your sister don't remember, she might hate herself then. Everything is done for a reason to grow or for some one else too. God is with us always! Just Believe!
God Bless You And Your Family!

Gabriel2help
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 19, 2008 - 10:59PM #33
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=gabriel2help;726871]I'm so sorry for what you and your sister went through. I lived and took care of my mother for quite awhile. Yes, and family would stay away because of my Mother's illness and couldn't stand seeing her like that. So, I'd have to leave her alone and go shopping for her and race back.  She couldn't get out of the bed. She would lay in fetal position. They couldn't pull her legs down. So it stayed that way. She had bad bed sores and I'd have to turn her back and forth evey 5 minutes.  It was hard and my Mother would say to me, I bet you wished that I was dead. I turned around and said no, I wish I was dead. I loved her and kissed her. I sat with her and talked and joked with her. Then she asked me to let her die.  To give her something to kill her. I couldn't do that but, understood the pain she was in. Then she got so bad I had to put her in the hospital. The Doctor told me she was dying but, had to put her in a nursing home.  She never wanted to go in one.  I told the Doctor I was going to put her in one. The next day he told her. When I came in we talked but, when I was leaving she asked me not to put her in the Home.  When I came the next day she was in a coma. I went to visit her and just talked to her and combed her hair.  I kissed her and said good bye. I couldn't go the next day. I just couldn't. My older sister went to see her with her daughter. Then as they walked in the door they told me she died.  I felt like this was going to happen.  I felt a relief of her being with God now.  Then that night I went to bed. I awoke with my Mother calling me to turn her. I looked into her bed room and I saw her in mid air standing looking young and happy.  I was shocked! I looked away then looked back and she was gone.  I knew I wasn't seeing things, then I fell asleep! The morning I woke up with someones arms around me hugging me. I opened my eyes and the feeling was gone. I really believe that it was my Mother saying thank you and I love you! This will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I really believe who ever the care giver is in this world, the people love you who you cared for!  How could they not and if they passed away mad they see what you have done for them after they die. They love you I know that for sure! So please put this in your heart and believe this. It's a good thing your sister don't remember, she might hate herself then. Everything is done for a reason to grow or for some one else too. God is with us always! Just Believe!
God Bless You And Your Family!

Gabriel2help[/QUOTE]

Yes, caregiving, while a noble thing to do, can be very devastating, especially if you are sick your own self, as mu sister and I were. We will never get over the tragedy. The pain is just as real now, as it was then. I worry that anytime, I might well get news my sister has died.  Her physical and mental health is so compromised I really don't know how she has made it this long. It has had a devastaing effect on my life. I feel like I am a hundred years old. My health is such that I rarely leave my home, and do not want company. I don't feel up to it. I mainly see my adult grandson, who lives with me. I too, always believed everything that happens, happens for some reason...as yet I have found no such thing in this horrible tragedy. I am glad you were able to stay strong for your mother, until the end. We were already exhausted from the many needs of our father, up until he died. So, by the time he died, we were pretty much like a car running on empty.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 19, 2008 - 10:59PM #34
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=gabriel2help;726871]I'm so sorry for what you and your sister went through. I lived and took care of my mother for quite awhile. Yes, and family would stay away because of my Mother's illness and couldn't stand seeing her like that. So, I'd have to leave her alone and go shopping for her and race back.  She couldn't get out of the bed. She would lay in fetal position. They couldn't pull her legs down. So it stayed that way. She had bad bed sores and I'd have to turn her back and forth evey 5 minutes.  It was hard and my Mother would say to me, I bet you wished that I was dead. I turned around and said no, I wish I was dead. I loved her and kissed her. I sat with her and talked and joked with her. Then she asked me to let her die.  To give her something to kill her. I couldn't do that but, understood the pain she was in. Then she got so bad I had to put her in the hospital. The Doctor told me she was dying but, had to put her in a nursing home.  She never wanted to go in one.  I told the Doctor I was going to put her in one. The next day he told her. When I came in we talked but, when I was leaving she asked me not to put her in the Home.  When I came the next day she was in a coma. I went to visit her and just talked to her and combed her hair.  I kissed her and said good bye. I couldn't go the next day. I just couldn't. My older sister went to see her with her daughter. Then as they walked in the door they told me she died.  I felt like this was going to happen.  I felt a relief of her being with God now.  Then that night I went to bed. I awoke with my Mother calling me to turn her. I looked into her bed room and I saw her in mid air standing looking young and happy.  I was shocked! I looked away then looked back and she was gone.  I knew I wasn't seeing things, then I fell asleep! The morning I woke up with someones arms around me hugging me. I opened my eyes and the feeling was gone. I really believe that it was my Mother saying thank you and I love you! This will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I really believe who ever the care giver is in this world, the people love you who you cared for!  How could they not and if they passed away mad they see what you have done for them after they die. They love you I know that for sure! So please put this in your heart and believe this. It's a good thing your sister don't remember, she might hate herself then. Everything is done for a reason to grow or for some one else too. God is with us always! Just Believe!
God Bless You And Your Family!

Gabriel2help[/QUOTE]

Yes, caregiving, while a noble thing to do, can be very devastating, especially if you are sick your own self, as mu sister and I were. We will never get over the tragedy. The pain is just as real now, as it was then. I worry that anytime, I might well get news my sister has died.  Her physical and mental health is so compromised I really don't know how she has made it this long. It has had a devastaing effect on my life. I feel like I am a hundred years old. My health is such that I rarely leave my home, and do not want company. I don't feel up to it. I mainly see my adult grandson, who lives with me. I too, always believed everything that happens, happens for some reason...as yet I have found no such thing in this horrible tragedy. I am glad you were able to stay strong for your mother, until the end. We were already exhausted from the many needs of our father, up until he died. So, by the time he died, we were pretty much like a car running on empty.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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