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Switch to Forum Live View Anyone who experienced abuse only when they were very young?
7 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2008 - 9:39PM #1
skylark
Posts: 22
Hi.  I was abused emotionally and sexually up to the age of 5.  I have lots of trauma and abuse related feelings and effects however I keep being told that that shouldn't be affecting me now that I'm an adult as I was so young.  Even some psychologists have struggled with treating me for it although I believe it is the root of most of my problems.  I always feel very hurt although no one is hurting me now and I still can't let people love me.  I destroy any beginnings of relationships because I am just waiting for them to reject me so I lash out.  I also have had a few traumatic events also since the childhood abuse.

A friend even suggested I like to be hurt and alone.  I don't but I can't seem to break the cycle.  I read about child development and can't understand when I experienced abuse during when I was forming all those things that people think it doesn't matter.  I know it shouldn't matter what others think.  But my family is unsupportive and I stuggle to find a suitable psychologist.  Does anyone understand or know anyone in this situation?  I look at very young children know and think "How could they not be affected if that repeated happenned to them?".
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 01, 2008 - 11:04PM #2
angelontherun
Posts: 103
Hi Skylark,

Yes, I know exactly how you feel.  I was adopted at age 9, previous to that I was molested at age 6, molested for 3 years by my adopted brother, age 9-11.  3 times by my adopted father, and raped when I was 21.  I drank over this many years ago, I thought it was my fault.  I chose all the wrong men because I didn't think I deserved better.

You do derserve the best of everything, and need to join a support group that will help you work through this.  Fear is the big factor here, FEAR means Face Everything And Recover, no matter what it is you're afraid of.  When you meet women, and men, who have been through the same experiences, you will begin to process what happened to you, and you will heal, I promise.  You will learn to love yourself 100%, and love yourself for the person you are, not for who anyone else wants you to be, or who you think you should be.  Does that make sense?

Ask God to help guide you, he is the Large Man in Charge, and He is ready, willing, and able, all you have to do is ask Him.  I will pray for you as I do for all those who are the victims of abuse.  Look in your phone book for a support group, the sooner, the better, you'll be on the road to recovery soon.

May the Hand of God be with you always,

Love,
Karyn
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 02, 2008 - 6:33AM #3
skylark
Posts: 22
Thanks Karyn :) for your lovely reply.  I am looking around for support groups now.  I just feel like they might not take me seriously and feel that I'm not as worthy as older victims to use the services available.  I like your FEAR aconym I'm going to write it down.  Thanks for praying for me.  May God bless you in your recovery too.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 02, 2008 - 10:34PM #4
angelontherun
Posts: 103
Hi Skylark,

You're welcome, and listen, don't you worry about what anyone else thinks, ok?  You have not processed what happened to you, this is why you have not moved ahead in your relationships.  Don't worry about what your so called friends have said, sounds to me like you need new ones, family members included.  They are in denial, they have no idea what you have been through, and how it affected you.  I do, my adopted sister didn't believe it, so much so she had my father cut me out of the family will.   I still haven't spoken to her, it's been about 12 years.  My adopted mom told me before she passed, she did believe me and was going to confront her son.  Whether she did or not doesn't matter anymore, she's with me always, she's my guardian angel.  My adopted father made amends to me before he passed, he said he didn't remember doing it.  I told him he was a black out drinker, same as I was, the important thing is he apologized which help in the healing process.

The man that raped me when I was 21 was mentally ill and was taken away, he told the police a voice from a chair in his dining room told him to do it.  I can laugh about it now, l pray he is ok, I know he didn't mean to do it.  My brother, that's another story, he knows what he did.  When mom died in 1996, he couldn't even make eye contact with me.  Dad died in 2000, still no eye contact, I have forgiven him, but he has to make amends with God for what he did.  It says in the Bible a man that hurts a child causes them to sin, we are like lost sheep, and Jesus is always with us guiding us to make sure we don't stray again.  I don't know what your beliefs are, but ask your angels to guide you, Jesus will never leave you, he has never left me.  Even when I lost my sight, I never lost sight of God and his son Jesus Christ.

As said, the sooner you find a support group, the better, you will be with people of likeness who will share their same similiar stories with you.  You will begin to heal, it may be slow, but I promise, you will.  Once you feel good about yourself, hopefully you will be able to forgive the 'critters' (men) that molested you.  Again this will allow you to heal.  Remember, you are a 'Child Abuse Survivor', so am I, and if I can be of any help, just ask, ok.

Gods speed to you little one,
Karyn
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 6:25PM #5
ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO
Posts: 21
I started being molested by my father when I was 3. i remember one occasion, where my Mother was standing at the door, while he was sodomizing me in my bed. My 2 yr old sister was in the bed next to me, and my mother was pregnant at the time with my brother. It was ver y heart wrenching at the time I rembered, I had twin boys who were 3 at the time.
I was so upset and angry! My father was so sick!
The abuse continued until he died when i was 12.
I was in thereapy for 10-11 years. I feel like I've come to a place of just acceptance now, I guess i've forgiven him. I did it with doing lots and lots of anger work (with my therapist by my side and a bat and lots of pillows) and lots and lots of journalling, and grief work. Now my twins are 19 years old, and im glad i've done the work, becasue it did affect my relationship with them becasue they are men. i dont hate all men anymore, and Im grateful!
Good Luck to you!
Keep coming back for support here
It helps to get it out and know your not alone  :rolleyes:
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 8:19PM #6
mountain_man
Posts: 38,758

skylark wrote:

Hi.  I was abused emotionally and sexually up to the age of 5.  I have lots of trauma and abuse related feelings and effects however I keep being told that that shouldn't be affecting me now that I'm an adult as I was so young. ......


I don't talk about it much because it's in my past. It no longer causes my actions today. It wasn't easy, but it can be done. I found a good counselor that was experienced in something called REBT, or Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. You might find it helpful. Give it a try. If you want, you can buy some books written by the guy that developed REBT; Dr Albert Ellis. He has one book called; "How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable Over Anything, Yes Anything." Strange title, but it's a good book.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 6:25PM #7
ANGELMOMSTLOUISMO
Posts: 21
I started being molested by my father when I was 3. i remember one occasion, where my Mother was standing at the door, while he was sodomizing me in my bed. My 2 yr old sister was in the bed next to me, and my mother was pregnant at the time with my brother. It was ver y heart wrenching at the time I rembered, I had twin boys who were 3 at the time.
I was so upset and angry! My father was so sick!
The abuse continued until he died when i was 12.
I was in thereapy for 10-11 years. I feel like I've come to a place of just acceptance now, I guess i've forgiven him. I did it with doing lots and lots of anger work (with my therapist by my side and a bat and lots of pillows) and lots and lots of journalling, and grief work. Now my twins are 19 years old, and im glad i've done the work, becasue it did affect my relationship with them becasue they are men. i dont hate all men anymore, and Im grateful!
Good Luck to you!
Keep coming back for support here
It helps to get it out and know your not alone  :rolleyes:
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 8:19PM #8
mountain_man
Posts: 38,758

skylark wrote:

Hi.  I was abused emotionally and sexually up to the age of 5.  I have lots of trauma and abuse related feelings and effects however I keep being told that that shouldn't be affecting me now that I'm an adult as I was so young. ......


I don't talk about it much because it's in my past. It no longer causes my actions today. It wasn't easy, but it can be done. I found a good counselor that was experienced in something called REBT, or Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. You might find it helpful. Give it a try. If you want, you can buy some books written by the guy that developed REBT; Dr Albert Ellis. He has one book called; "How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable Over Anything, Yes Anything." Strange title, but it's a good book.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 9:28PM #9
joycon
Posts: 2,787
Angelmom, I am so sorry and I am glad that you are recovering.
Hi Dave. I'd say "welcome" but it looks like you have been around here somewhere for awhile to have so many posts.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2008 - 10:05PM #10
mountain_man
Posts: 38,758

joycon wrote:

Angelmom, I am so sorry and I am glad that you are recovering.
Hi Dave. I'd say "welcome" but it looks like you have been around here somewhere for awhile to have so many posts.


I don't post in this part of the form much. I'm stuck between moving past and helping others. It's been a hard road and not one I wish to look back on. I try to keep to the future.

But I highly recommend that REBT. It helped me immensely.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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