Important Announcement

See here for an important message regarding the community which has become a read-only site as of October 31.

 
Post Reply
Page 3 of 3  •  Prev 1 2 3
9 years ago  ::  Sep 13, 2008 - 7:03AM #21
Moon-Raven61
Posts: 20
Oh, I know about that'Motherly' remorse first hand..I have 2 daughters. Yeah, Mom knows I'm sick and I'm sure that weighs heavy on her mind, though I wish it didn't. I love my Mother. It's all just so very taxing after awhile. While she is not not coming home until tomorrow, she has certain expectations that are to be met before she walks in the door., such as having her laundry done, her sheets changed etc. I apologize for this beforehand; but she probably thinks there will be a min t on her pilow as well.
Not everyone is born with compassion or what I like to call 'the sensitivity chip'. I n the past I have nurtured her through a few surgeries of her own. Who knows, maybe she thinks her role as caregiver has ended. I, personally could not treat my daughter's that way; but I am me. I'm holding onto 'wait & see' attitude for right now.
Thank you for your support and prayers...they are returned as are all good deeds.
MoonRaven
Quick Reply
Cancel
9 years ago  ::  Sep 19, 2008 - 11:11PM #22
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=Moon-Raven61;663929]Please, pardon my candor. But I am what you'd call the reluctant caregiver. A year ago I had my Mother literally dropped in my lap. She isn't disabled or otherwise needing anything. She does however, expect me to meet her every whim & demand. I am having some surgery done and will be unable to cater to anyone. Yes, I have a husband who can help me, but he will not cater to Mom. She is very capable and yet just sits there and expects that everything be done for her. She insists on staying with us and not getting her own place...in short this is a very highly stressful sitiation. If she needed the care I would not even think twice. I just don't know how to kindly let her know that she is much too demanding. If I dare say anything about her cleaning up after herself or her cat, she takes an attitude with me like that of a spoiled child. I am at my wits end, it's starting to put strain on my marriage (albeit I have a terrific husband with more patience than Job), and the situation is deteriorating badly. I am open to all suggestions and or supportive feedback I can get. I just don't know quite how to cope with having everything laid in my lap. I have two other siblings, however one of them is why my Mother is here to begin with. I need some coping strategies and to find peace where there is chaos.
Sincerely & Desperately,
MoonRaven[/QUOTE]

My mother was a nurses nightmare. She fought most everything you tried to do for her. Even in hospitals the nurses got fretted with her constant, and persistent demands. So don't feel bad that you can come to resent this. It is a common feeling among family caregivers. You might give some thought to adult daycare(which our mother refused), or a nursing facility, even assisted living. We can't be expected to give our lives for theirs, no matter how much we try to help them. Everyone gets  tired, and wornout. I would do something, before it completely breaks you down, as it did my sister and I.  Ours resulted in a horrible tragedy I would not wish on anyone. We were literally begging for help that never came.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
Quick Reply
Cancel
9 years ago  ::  Sep 19, 2008 - 11:11PM #23
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=Moon-Raven61;663929]Please, pardon my candor. But I am what you'd call the reluctant caregiver. A year ago I had my Mother literally dropped in my lap. She isn't disabled or otherwise needing anything. She does however, expect me to meet her every whim & demand. I am having some surgery done and will be unable to cater to anyone. Yes, I have a husband who can help me, but he will not cater to Mom. She is very capable and yet just sits there and expects that everything be done for her. She insists on staying with us and not getting her own place...in short this is a very highly stressful sitiation. If she needed the care I would not even think twice. I just don't know how to kindly let her know that she is much too demanding. If I dare say anything about her cleaning up after herself or her cat, she takes an attitude with me like that of a spoiled child. I am at my wits end, it's starting to put strain on my marriage (albeit I have a terrific husband with more patience than Job), and the situation is deteriorating badly. I am open to all suggestions and or supportive feedback I can get. I just don't know quite how to cope with having everything laid in my lap. I have two other siblings, however one of them is why my Mother is here to begin with. I need some coping strategies and to find peace where there is chaos.
Sincerely & Desperately,
MoonRaven[/QUOTE]

My mother was a nurses nightmare. She fought most everything you tried to do for her. Even in hospitals the nurses got fretted with her constant, and persistent demands. So don't feel bad that you can come to resent this. It is a common feeling among family caregivers. You might give some thought to adult daycare(which our mother refused), or a nursing facility, even assisted living. We can't be expected to give our lives for theirs, no matter how much we try to help them. Everyone gets  tired, and wornout. I would do something, before it completely breaks you down, as it did my sister and I.  Ours resulted in a horrible tragedy I would not wish on anyone. We were literally begging for help that never came.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 3 of 3  •  Prev 1 2 3
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook