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7 years ago  ::  Nov 27, 2007 - 7:02PM #31
jupiterjuniper
Posts: 43
NHT,

I'm really sorry I made you repeat something.  I thought I had clicked on all your links and read through them thoroughly.  Honestly, I'm quite sure I'm not deficient.  Really, I am quite nutrition savvy and take very good care of my health.  I just always pay attention to what anyone has to say because I always want to learn more, never want to miss anything.  Thank you.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 27, 2007 - 7:14PM #32
lapatosu
Posts: 2,865
Hi Jupiter - The light box is still held up by customs and my computer is on the glitch. *sigh*  But I'm exercising, sitting in front of my daylight balanced bulb, taking my meds and vitamins, and generally hanging in there, chanting. "Winter solstice and the days are longer. Winter solstice and the days are longer."

Sounds like you might need to find a new therapist, depending on what you want to be changing in your life.  My therapist is mainly there to monitor my attention span, apathy, frustration and anger levels in my daily activites, help identify any major stressors in my life, and help arrive at creative solutions. Sort of the emotional part of the team.  The psychaitrist is there for the mental side, the GP for the physical.

Sorry you had a rough Thanksgiving.  What are your plans for the holiday week?
Lynne
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 27, 2007 - 8:32PM #33
Nay_ho_tze
Posts: 2,605
No need to apologize, JupiterJuniper -
=]
Nay_ho_tze
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 27, 2007 - 11:56PM #34
jupiterjuniper
Posts: 43
Hi Lap,

I'm glad you're still posting.  Sorry your light box still didn't arrive.  What country is it coming from?  I just cancelled my appointment with my therapist for next week!  Finally.  I told her I would get back to her to re-schedule in the future but I probably won't.

I have come up with a great plan for the holiday week.  Eveyone is coming to my house.  (My family celebrates Christmas).  We will spend Christmas Day together and then they will stay for a few more days but I will leave to spend a few days at a spa!  At first my mother was against it but I just told her like it is.  I kept saying you all can't stand me, right?  I'm the bad one, right?  Why should I be around to ruin everyone's holiday?  And she then agreed.  And basically the rest of my family agrees.  And so I get peace and quiet and a massage! Why not? It's about time.  The thing is, you see, when I'm not there, they will all still be the same miserable, negative, insulting bunch of people, all getting angry and yelling at each other and then they can say to themselves oh, gee, and Jupiter isn't even here, wow, I guess it's not all her fault after all.  Duh.  I told my therapist of this plan yesterday and she was against it.  She accused me of running away from my problems.  She can call it what she likes.  For once, I am actually looking forward to something.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 28, 2007 - 5:14PM #35
karbie
Posts: 3,329
Dear Jupiter,
You are absolutely right--your therapist is a sadistic idiot and you deserve a much better one. I can't understand what possible meaningful approach would come out of becoming another negative person in your life.  Especially since you were suicidal; I could understand trying to find out what got you to that point--but to never be supportive?
  It's okay to vent here. You are obviously among friends here; I'm happy you found us.
  I think your idea of what to do for the holidays is brilliant! Spend some of the time rehashing old guilt trips, then go and get a massage to get the tension back out!  My uncle once got hyper because there were too many people at the Christmas Eve party--looking directly at my husband and me while he repeated it....yeah, our 3 people vs his 4 kids, their wives, and kids. I didn't know that he got claustrophobic if there were too many people around until this year..which is ironic because all of his jobs have been around lots of people. Or maybe it's just coming out now that he isn't drinking anymore.
   My son is happier now than he has been in years--of course, having his first real girlfriend may have a lot to do with that. He's very, very shy...I knew he was interested in her before HE did! But then I spent a lot of time watching him very, very carefully--NOT to see if he was going to screw up--just to see if  I could help. At first he wouldn't talk to his first shrink (No offense--I'm just tired of spelling it out) so I'd be filling in what was going on from whatever Chris had told me in the wee hours of the morning. Chris would nod...when he finally went in  without me, it was awesome.
  My family was loving, but with my father having his first heart attack when I was in 5th grade, a lot of things I asked for help with, like the other kids making school Hell in a handbag- was met with "We could step in, but that wouldn't really help. I'm sure you can handle it". I made sure that Chris knew he could come to me with ANYTHING and I would do my best. I knew that if he stopped trusting me early on, when it got to the BIG stuff I'd never hear about it.
  I don't mean I ran and fought all his battles for him--but I don't think he'd be where he is today if I hadn't fought the school system for him twice. It's funny--I certainly wasn't raised to be assertive...but I could do it for my son. I don't yell; I don't call names..but I don't give up.
   I don't think you are the BAD one in your family, although of course, how EASY to have a family scapegoat. If you point fingers fast enough, maybe no one will point one at you. You aren't running away from your problems with your family, either. You are not only SEEING them, you're hosting! but it is only logical to set finite limits on the amount of time you spend with them. If you lived far away, you would have to consider travel time, etc...I see no difference. And after a lousy Thanksgiving, I think that seeing all your relatives again this close together is facing things head-on. YOU are taking control of your life, and protecting yourself from a constant re-hash of blame, negativity, and attacks is GREAT!!
  After all, I'm sure you have mental tapes of it all in your head that play too often--you don't need the re-mix.  You've showed compassion to others here; you've been willing to accept Nay's advice on nuitrition, and you've thanked everyone for answering you.
Hmm..open-minded, compassionate, gracious, inventive, and intelligent--that's how I see you. Oh, I forgot courageous--being willing to expose yourself to negativity for the sake of "family"...and to tell them you have no intention of wallowing in the past. You go, girl!
Hugs, Karen
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 28, 2007 - 9:20PM #36
jupiterjuniper
Posts: 43
Hi Karen!

Wow, thank you for all the compliments.  I don't think I've ever had anyone say so many nice things to me.  And the same to you - you are also all those things - compassionate, gracious, intelligent, inventive and open minded and courageous.  I am very happy I found this board.  And I am so glad to hear that your son is doing well and has a girlfriend.  I really don't know what else to say for the time being.  I'm pretty tired right now and looking forward to a long night's sleep.  I hope you are doing good today.  I'll be in touch.
Hugs,
Jupiter
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 28, 2007 - 9:50PM #37
keesiewonder
Posts: 221
Do you like Dostoevsky? I think the most meaningful, memorable and thus my favorite book is The Brothers Karamazov. I notice from your profile that you also like Edna St. Vincent Millay. She is one of my favorites as well, though I haven't read her in quite a while.

jupiterjuniper wrote:

... I also like to read a lot.  I prefer the great writers of the 18th and 19th centuries (they certainly weren't afraid to show emotion, I can relate) and I read the Wall Street Journal every day ...

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7 years ago  ::  Nov 30, 2007 - 11:57AM #38
Nay_ho_tze
Posts: 2,605
Oh, Lap, a very sincere thanks -
e.e.cummings is a great way to start the day ...
better than coffee, even ...

=D
Nay_ho_tze
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 30, 2007 - 11:57AM #39
Nay_ho_tze
Posts: 2,605
Oh, Lap, a very sincere thanks -
e.e.cummings is a great way to start the day ...
better than coffee, even ...

=D
Nay_ho_tze
Beliefnet host
designer and artist
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 29, 2007 - 5:45PM #40
lapatosu
Posts: 2,865
Jupiter - I'll give you credit for even hosting Christmas!  I love my extended family, just not in the same room.  Way too much history there, a lot of it he said she said stuff.  My mother still won't talk to my MIL, though it has been more than 30 years, since the wedding.  We managed to get them all together for my daughter's wedding, but even then, they didn't stay at my home.  I don't think they were too upset by that.  At least they have never said anything....My therapist didn't call it running away from the problem either.  There is only so much stress I can handle and continue to function, so she encourages me to take the extended family in small doses, and not get sucked into their dramas.

We will be going down to my sister's home the day after Christmas to say bye to my nephew, but even that will be a short afternoon visit.  My sister doesn't need any of the extra stress either.
Lynne
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