Important Announcement

See here for an important message regarding the community which has become a read-only site as of October 31.

 
Post Reply
Switch to Forum Live View I don't think I believe- but I want to. Help?
3 years ago  ::  Aug 12, 2014 - 10:53PM #1
Chiroptera
Posts: 3
Hi everyone. Firstly, I have no idea if I'm posting this in the appropriate forum or not... So I apologize if I've done something incorrectly. I guess I'll start by letting you all know a bit about me. I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm a student in the sciences. I was raised Catholic. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I am legitimately asking for help.

So, basically... I don't know if I believe in all of this. Any of it. But I want to believe, more than anything. But I don't know how? I've struggled with this most of my life. I had my first existential crisis around 7, when the idea of mortality really struck me. Ever since, I've struggled a lot with doubt and depression. I feel like I've tried all of the "quick fixes." I've read the Bible (not cover to cover, but read passages during dark times), I've prayed, I've attended church services... And I always feel nothing. I never feel a "presence" or a sense of anything, really. To me, prayer feels like talking to a brick wall. Nothing happens. Same with the Bible. Same with church services. I briefly attended an Episcopal Church, and that was probably the most welcome I've ever felt in a church. But welcomed and appreciated does not equal spiritually fulfilled.

I have asked God for signs. I get nothing. Several years ago, my beloved grandfather died. He meant the world to me. It's been four years and I still can't talk about him without crying. I have repeatedly begged "God" to show me some sign that my grandpa is with him, or even just some sign that he's ok, and I get nothing. People always say, "God works in mysterious ways." But over time I've gotten a creeping suspicion that maybe none of it is true... And that terrifies me. I want it all to be real so badly. 

How can I believe? What am I doing wrong? I have begged God to help me strengthen my faith. I feel like I have tried everything. If God is real, why wouldn't he just be direct and show himself? I'm a scientist. I like facts and evidence. If God is real, he made my brain like that... He would know that abstract, blind faith is nearly impossible for me. If I had concrete evidence that God was real, I could be his biggest warrior. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am almost constantly wrestling with this problem. I don't know what to do. 
Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Aug 15, 2014 - 5:59AM #2
in_my_opinion
Posts: 4,107

Dear Chiroptera,


Don't let this make you go batty! Sorry, couldn't resist!Innocent


Come and hang out with us (Again, sorry couldn't resist!) at the following Baha'i forum:  http://community.beliefnet.com/go/forum/view/43871/70229/welcome:_bahai


Have no idea what prompts the invitation from this heart, and no one will ask you to go against what you believe. Come and talk.


Aug 12, 2014 -- 10:53PM, Chiroptera wrote:

Hi everyone. Firstly, I have no idea if I'm posting this in the appropriate forum or not... So I apologize if I've done something incorrectly. I guess I'll start by letting you all know a bit about me. I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm a student in the sciences. I was raised Catholic. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I am legitimately asking for help.

So, basically... I don't know if I believe in all of this. Any of it. But I want to believe, more than anything. But I don't know how? I've struggled with this most of my life. I had my first existential crisis around 7, when the idea of mortality really struck me. Ever since, I've struggled a lot with doubt and depression. I feel like I've tried all of the "quick fixes." I've read the Bible (not cover to cover, but read passages during dark times), I've prayed, I've attended church services... And I always feel nothing. I never feel a "presence" or a sense of anything, really. To me, prayer feels like talking to a brick wall. Nothing happens. Same with the Bible. Same with church services. I briefly attended an Episcopal Church, and that was probably the most welcome I've ever felt in a church. But welcomed and appreciated does not equal spiritually fulfilled.

I have asked God for signs. I get nothing. Several years ago, my beloved grandfather died. He meant the world to me. It's been four years and I still can't talk about him without crying. I have repeatedly begged "God" to show me some sign that my grandpa is with him, or even just some sign that he's ok, and I get nothing. People always say, "God works in mysterious ways." But over time I've gotten a creeping suspicion that maybe none of it is true... And that terrifies me. I want it all to be real so badly. 

How can I believe? What am I doing wrong? I have begged God to help me strengthen my faith. I feel like I have tried everything. If God is real, why wouldn't he just be direct and show himself? I'm a scientist. I like facts and evidence. If God is real, he made my brain like that... He would know that abstract, blind faith is nearly impossible for me. If I had concrete evidence that God was real, I could be his biggest warrior. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am almost constantly wrestling with this problem. I don't know what to do. 




Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Aug 17, 2014 - 4:40PM #3
in_my_opinion
Posts: 4,107

You wanted a sign. You got one. It is up to you now. Sincerity counts.



Aug 12, 2014 -- 10:53PM, Chiroptera wrote:

Hi everyone. Firstly, I have no idea if I'm posting this in the appropriate forum or not... So I apologize if I've done something incorrectly. I guess I'll start by letting you all know a bit about me. I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm a student in the sciences. I was raised Catholic. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I am legitimately asking for help.

So, basically... I don't know if I believe in all of this. Any of it. But I want to believe, more than anything. But I don't know how? I've struggled with this most of my life. I had my first existential crisis around 7, when the idea of mortality really struck me. Ever since, I've struggled a lot with doubt and depression. I feel like I've tried all of the "quick fixes." I've read the Bible (not cover to cover, but read passages during dark times), I've prayed, I've attended church services... And I always feel nothing. I never feel a "presence" or a sense of anything, really. To me, prayer feels like talking to a brick wall. Nothing happens. Same with the Bible. Same with church services. I briefly attended an Episcopal Church, and that was probably the most welcome I've ever felt in a church. But welcomed and appreciated does not equal spiritually fulfilled.

I have asked God for signs. I get nothing. Several years ago, my beloved grandfather died. He meant the world to me. It's been four years and I still can't talk about him without crying. I have repeatedly begged "God" to show me some sign that my grandpa is with him, or even just some sign that he's ok, and I get nothing. People always say, "God works in mysterious ways." But over time I've gotten a creeping suspicion that maybe none of it is true... And that terrifies me. I want it all to be real so badly. 

How can I believe? What am I doing wrong? I have begged God to help me strengthen my faith. I feel like I have tried everything. If God is real, why wouldn't he just be direct and show himself? I'm a scientist. I like facts and evidence. If God is real, he made my brain like that... He would know that abstract, blind faith is nearly impossible for me. If I had concrete evidence that God was real, I could be his biggest warrior. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am almost constantly wrestling with this problem. I don't know what to do. 




Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Sep 26, 2014 - 7:45PM #4
InHisHands
Posts: 11,552

Aug 12, 2014 -- 10:53PM, Chiroptera wrote:

Hi everyone. Firstly, I have no idea if I'm posting this in the appropriate forum or not... So I apologize if I've done something incorrectly. I guess I'll start by letting you all know a bit about me. I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm a student in the sciences. I was raised Catholic. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I am legitimately asking for help.

So, basically... I don't know if I believe in all of this. Any of it. But I want to believe, more than anything. But I don't know how? I've struggled with this most of my life. I had my first existential crisis around 7, when the idea of mortality really struck me. Ever since, I've struggled a lot with doubt and depression. I feel like I've tried all of the "quick fixes." I've read the Bible (not cover to cover, but read passages during dark times), I've prayed, I've attended church services... And I always feel nothing. I never feel a "presence" or a sense of anything, really. To me, prayer feels like talking to a brick wall. Nothing happens. Same with the Bible. Same with church services. I briefly attended an Episcopal Church, and that was probably the most welcome I've ever felt in a church. But welcomed and appreciated does not equal spiritually fulfilled.

I have asked God for signs. I get nothing. Several years ago, my beloved grandfather died. He meant the world to me. It's been four years and I still can't talk about him without crying. I have repeatedly begged "God" to show me some sign that my grandpa is with him, or even just some sign that he's ok, and I get nothing. People always say, "God works in mysterious ways." But over time I've gotten a creeping suspicion that maybe none of it is true... And that terrifies me. I want it all to be real so badly. 

How can I believe? What am I doing wrong? I have begged God to help me strengthen my faith. I feel like I have tried everything. If God is real, why wouldn't he just be direct and show himself? I'm a scientist. I like facts and evidence. If God is real, he made my brain like that... He would know that abstract, blind faith is nearly impossible for me. If I had concrete evidence that God was real, I could be his biggest warrior. I am not exaggerating when I say that I am almost constantly wrestling with this problem. I don't know what to do. 



Did your grandfather believe in JESUS?

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Oct 18, 2014 - 10:14PM #5
Chiroptera
Posts: 3

Yes, he did believe in Jesus. He was a devout Catholic.

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Oct 18, 2014 - 10:19PM #6
in_my_opinion
Posts: 4,107

Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:14PM, Chiroptera wrote:


Yes, he did believe in Jesus. He was a devout Catholic.




Had you prayed with him? Do you pray for him?

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Oct 18, 2014 - 10:34PM #7
Chiroptera
Posts: 3

Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:19PM, in_my_opinion wrote:

Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:14PM, Chiroptera wrote:


Yes, he did believe in Jesus. He was a devout Catholic.




Had you prayed with him? Do you pray for him?


I never specifically prayed with him, although I went to mass with him several times. I used to pray for him, but I never really felt like anything "happened." I felt like I was praying to a brick wall, like I always do when I try and pray. Not sure if I'm doing it wrong or if no one is listening...

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Oct 19, 2014 - 4:02PM #8
in_my_opinion
Posts: 4,107

Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:34PM, Chiroptera wrote:

Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:19PM, in_my_opinion wrote:


Oct 18, 2014 -- 10:14PM, Chiroptera wrote:


Yes, he did believe in Jesus. He was a devout Catholic.




Had you prayed with him? Do you pray for him?




I never specifically prayed with him, although I went to mass with him several times. I used to pray for him, but I never really felt like anything "happened."



Try to distinguish how you felt and your desire for "sensible" feedback, from duty and your love for your grandpa.



I felt like I was praying to a brick wall, like I always do when I try and pray. Not sure if I'm doing it wrong or if no one is listening...





If, we can hear you and believe that God hears us all; then, it is like we're praying for him and his progress in the next life.


For those of us who feel God's presence, and are moved by God in prayer, it is solid fact.


In a sense there are two things here.


If, it is about the perceptions and emotions of ourselves; then, that's one thing.


If, it is about devotion and love for someone dear to us; then, it is more important.


Both require humility and selfless sacrifice.


Be assured that your grandfather is also praying for you.


You may be connected in dreams (suggesting that you get plenty of sleep).


Be patient with your own heart, purify your will and motives, carry out acts of kindness and altruism. Every virtuous action you take will bring you closer to God. Understand that God's nearness to you is not a function of your nearness to God.


Your nearness to God is stronger the more your goodness, sincerity and eagerness to feel God's approval is reflected in your doing good.

Quick Reply
Cancel
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook