No specific type of Christianity, but I am fond of Christ, but all my life I've been skeptical. Can I be skeptical AND faithful?

Where do I begin? I don't know of any good churches around me, only a Baptist and a Lutheran church, a Catholic Church I wouldn't mind going to, but I definitely am interested in Gnostic Christianity or Non-Denominational, but any type will do.

I was a bit of a cultist a while ago, in which I attempted to burn the Bible but it didn't work, so I do have a Bible but it is drenched in Axe body spray yet... (I feel kinda regrettable about that)



Mostly, I just want to know about the urges, why do I want to be a Christian so bad? As soon as I grew out of being a Christian I thought Christianity would be the LAST religion I'd turn to, but I doubted I'd turn to any religion, especially not an Abrahamic one, but I guess I am wrong.