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|6 years ago :: Dec 20, 2008 - 11:18PM #1|
I am a Tameran Wiccan (not Hindu, but I believe in a previous life I was one) and I've been struggling with depression all of my adult life as well as suicidal thoughts. I know that taking my life goes against "an it harm none." Here goes with the wierd experience:
#1 Today, 04:09 AM
Level 1 Join Date: Dec 2008
This last Monday I committed myself to the V.A. psych ward because of strong suicidal ideation and depression. On Thursday, I couldn't stand it anymore - there was no treatment or therapy there. Just waiting.
So I told them either commit me (go in front of a judge) or let me go. They let me go AMA (against medical advice). That night I tried to commit suicide by taking 400 mg Ambien, 300 mg flexeril, 40 mg vicodin and 30 mg ativan. I was found Saturday morning in the living room by my apartment mate sitting in seiza with left and right hands in the gyan position. I was able to talk according to my apartment but it was very low and hard to hear me. I could not move under my own power. I don't remember a thing since I downed the pills - enough to kill 4 people according to the internet site ask.com
I am not a yoga practitioner, but I looked up the hand positions (mudras) on the internet but I do have a little bit of knowledge of zen buddhism from studying martials arts for a bit.
What does this mean, if anything? I know I shouldn't have attempted suicide (please no flaming) I'm still in a fragile mood state I think but no suicidal ideation or depression. Looking for feedback from anyone with enough knowledge about yoga and meditation