Post Reply
Switch to Forum Live View Question about courtship / dating
2 years ago  ::  Jan 14, 2012 - 10:16PM #1
Dong
Posts: 26
When you like a guy that you've already known for 1 year, should you give him respect or should you make him earn your respect? Because I find you can attract guys who aren't even interested in you by showing them a very high degree of respect. 

I didn't ask whether or not you should make him earn your hand in marriage or your heart and soul, I am asking should you make him earn your respect?

Thanks for answering,
Dong
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jan 15, 2012 - 6:40AM #2
ffb
Posts: 2,068

I don't think this is about religion, but about how you are forging a relationship and any one person's advice will come from a personal, not a religious place. You seem to see respect as something which is separate from the way you relate in any friendship and has t6o be "earned" apart from what I think should be part and parcel of normal interaction. If, after a year of knowing someone, you haven't already established a level of mutual respect then either it isn't going to happen and you shouldn't be friends with someone you don't respect or doesn't respect you, or you are looking at respect the wrong way.


Also, the notion that you have found that you can use respect to attract a guy seems wrong.

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jan 15, 2012 - 11:12AM #3
Bunsinspace
Posts: 5,900

BS"D


Apparently we have a culture gap here.  I understand the miscommunications because as a youth I did not engage in the practice known as dating and I grew to understand that was not the norm for greater society.  The concept of respect is a far more significant issue in Eastern cultures than Western and requires a bit more thought IMHO.  As Judaism spans both Eastern and Western cultures this chould not be difficult to resolve.

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jan 15, 2012 - 2:32PM #4
Bunsinspace
Posts: 5,900
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jan 30, 2012 - 6:02AM #5
NahumS
Posts: 1,638

I think that mutual respect is the foundation of any human relationship. The absence of respect should make dating unthinkable.


The purpose of dating is to get to know someone in order to see if the relationship should progress to the next stage. If there is no respect - then what is there to get to know?  If there is an absence of respect at the onset of the relationship, then I fear there is little liklihood of respect later on.


Everyone - even the fellow who sweeps our  streets - deserves our respect as a human being.  If you want people to respect you, show respect to them. It's amazing how people respond.

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2012 - 3:38PM #6
NotAnAtheistMama
Posts: 58

You've known the guy for a year and you don't know if you respect him yet or not?


Perhaps it's important to define respect. When I say I respect someone, I mean that I value that person's opinions and find them to be, overall, a decent human being with similar values to mine.


If I think a person's an idiot, if I don't agree with his/her opinions, if I don't like the way they act, if I feel they're not an honorable/moral person, then I do not respect them. And I would not date someone like that.


I don't "make" someone earn my respect; I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and treat them as if they're a decent human being. If they act better than normal, they get my respect. If they act worse than normal, then I disdain them. It's not about them doing anything but being themselves and letting me form my own opinion about their conduct.

Quick Reply
Cancel
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook