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Switch to Forum Live View I don't know what to do.
3 years ago  ::  Nov 17, 2010 - 6:19PM #1
wilsonaperez
wilsonaperez
Posts: 6

Hello. I am a seventh day adventist. I have an issue with a friend. I have known him for my whole life. Well he had a girlfriend but they broke up. Well i started spending some time with this girl and i slowly began to like her. I knew that it was wrong so i tried to stop myself from liking her but then i found out that she liked me and i couldn't help it. I found myself talking to her constantly and going to places with her constantly and i've slowly fallen in love with her. Now the problem is, this guy is my best friend. He really cared for her and he doesn't accept me being with her. And i know that it's not right to do something that will hurt anyone so I was going to tell her that we could not do this. But then i talked to him and he actually gave me permission. He told me that even though it hurt him a lot, he wanted me to be with her because he knew that I wouldnt hurt her. Well now he's changed his mind and hates me and doesn't want to ever see me again. I fell in love with her though so it's very hard to just end it. But for my friend, I would do it. But what im confused about is whether i should. Because he gave me permission and was actually ok with it until recently. I dont know what to do. I really love her but I also really love him as friend. And he even told me that there was nothing I could do to fix this, so even if i ended the relationship with her, he would still not talk to me. Can anyone help me please? I've been praying a lot for this and I know that God will give me an answer. Can someone please help me?
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 17, 2010 - 11:08PM #2
sincerly
sincerly
Posts: 4,049

 Hi Wilson, This isn't a "spiritual issue", but a relationship one.  The affairs of the heart can't be decided by a third party. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds like a teenager situation. All three of you may eventually end up with different relationships.


As Priscilla said to John---"Speak for yourself." However, if this is a serious relationship, one that is destined to terminate in Marriage, I suggest that the Girl in question make known to the one that there is no future in a relationship with him. ----Her decision----therefore, made known to a friend who loses out to a true friend will still be friends and not end the relationship because the Friend won the prize that he couldn't attain.

Peace,   Sincerly.      As long as sin is practiced, one will search for a means to validate the continuing therein. ANON

The greatest want of the world is the want of men--men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.---- ANON  (Ellen G. White. 1882)
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2010 - 3:10PM #3
wilsonaperez
wilsonaperez
Posts: 6

i know that this is more of a relationship type of question but the reason why i posted this here is because i wanted someone who shared the same beliefs as i did to help me. Because I want to make a decision that is according to what God would want me to do. Thank you for your response. I greatly appreciate it
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 21, 2010 - 5:16PM #4
sincerly
sincerly
Posts: 4,049

Nov 18, 2010 -- 3:10PM, wilsonaperez wrote:


i know that this is more of a relationship type of question but the reason why i posted this here is because i wanted someone who shared the same beliefs as i did to help me. Because I want to make a decision that is according to what God would want me to do. Thank you for your response. I greatly appreciate it



Wilson, I am a SDA for more than 60 years. And Married for 6O+ years to the same person.


Consider this.  Your male "friend" may or may not be a friend at the whim of any decision which is contrary to his understanding. However, with Marriage, one should make sure during the "courtship" that their ideas/core-values are comparable to weather the complex relationship of a commitment to a life together. A third party cannot be or have any say in that relationship.


Therefore, back to my last post. The "girl-friend" should be the one who decides which, if either of you, she wants to spend the rest of her life in the company of as a partner.
As my generation knew and understood, "puppy-love" doesn't last and in hurtful to the ego.


What God would want you to do is Make sure of your Relationship to HIM and for you to make sure that her relationship to GOD is grounded. Then outside relationships will come and go as their fruit is seen in their relationship to the Creator GOD.


I trust that makes sense.


 


 


       


  

Peace,   Sincerly.      As long as sin is practiced, one will search for a means to validate the continuing therein. ANON

The greatest want of the world is the want of men--men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.---- ANON  (Ellen G. White. 1882)
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3 years ago  ::  Nov 22, 2010 - 3:42PM #5
wilsonaperez
wilsonaperez
Posts: 6

Thank you so much. It does make sense and i greatly appreciate it. May God continue to bless you!
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3 years ago  ::  Dec 14, 2010 - 12:03PM #6
fellowbeliever
fellowbeliever
Posts: 7
wilsonaperez

 

                    You sound very young. Wilson you will go through many relationships in your life. Some good and some bad, but thats life. You need to accept what life gives you and quit whining. Even marriages are not made in heaven, but are human institutions made by human choice and a great deal of marriages fail and then there is divorce and remarriage. The reality is, is peoples attitudes toward one another change as time goes on and so relationships fall apart. There are few relationships that last for a lifetime and those usually are self sacrificing. Its a mixed bag.
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