I've been on Beliefnet for 11 years and if there is one issue that Muslims are obsessed with, it is headcovering. I wish I understood why wearing a piece of cloth on your head holds such a fascination for converts.
Miraj, I'm really glad you asked, because it gives me a chance to put some of my conflicting feelings down, and maybe I'll be able to sort out my own confusion here. Brace yourselves folks, this is going to be a long one...
First, Miraj, let me just say that I agree that the issue of hijab is given far more time and discussion than it deserves, whatever the stance is. And yet, I find it keeps popping into my thoughts. Here is why I keep coming back to it, despite the little voice in my head telling me it is the most superficial thing to think about when it comes to adopting a religion. (For the record: I am not speaking for all converts or potential converts - this is just me talking, err... typing).
I think the reason its floating around my brain is because its practically impossible to type in the words "muslim women" into a search engine and not find the words "veil" or "hijab", and see pictures of the same. It is nearly impossible to discuss female muslims without hijab worming its way into the discussion. As someone thinking about conversion, this can understandably be a bit intimidating, confusing, even frustrating. In her book, Inside the Gender Jihad, Amina Wadud states the following,
"Over the past several decades, the hijab has been given disproportionate symbolic significance both within and without Muslim communities. Like a sixth pillar, we cannot discuss Islam and gender without discussing the hijab. While overloaded with multiple meanings, it is often the single marker used to determine community approval or disapproval. Although sometimes random and coincidental, it is also burdened with different levels of volition by Muslim women."
Lets look at some of those multiple meanings, shall we? Some see it as a requirement, some don't. Some women see hijab as a liberation from the clutch of female objectification and sexualization in (especially Western) media and culture. Others see it as an oppressive symbol of dark-age patriarchal control. Others see it as a symbol of piety, as an outward display of faith (like a Christian cross or a Jewish yarmulke, for example), a way of identifying themselves as a Muslim. The list goes on, I'm sure.
As for me: On the one hand, I think I would enjoy the sense of camaraderie that often comes with wearing a sort of uniform. I also like the idea of rejecting the notion that as a woman I have to sexualize myself to be "respected" (if thats even the right word for it). On the other hand, its not like I dress or act like Paris Hilton anyways. And the fact is, I am a Westerner - that is part of my cultural identity that I can't and won't reject outright.
Why would I have to, you might ask? Because several websites I have been on claim that the ONLY proper hijab is in the form of abaya or jilbabs with headcovering, preferably in black, and sometimes also gloves and niqab, and showing any hair is not allowed, and perfume is not allowed, and speaking loudly is discouraged, and if you don't do it THIS way then your prayers are invalid and your not a proper muslimah, and and and and and.... whew! And as much as I wish I could say this is just an issue for converts, a lot of websites come from born Muslims who have chosen to either wear or take off the hijab, and have chosen to tell everyone else what they're doing wrong. Many of them are judgmental of anyone who doesn't fit their definition, and very very insistent that they are right.
So what's a convert to do? Join a religion that may judge you on a piece of cloth?
Join a religion and ignore the veil altogether, when its clearly a charged issue? Wear the veil for the "membership benefits", while not being sure you truly believe it's required? Wear it in the way you feel good about, knowing someone will inevitably tell you you're doing it wrong - and how could you avoid doing it wrong when there are so many ways to screw up? Invite judgement from Muslims and Non-Muslims alike? Finally, outward expressions of belief can sometimes be met with ignorance and hostility, and who wouldn't want to think carefully before taking on bigotry? I have no idea if a "born" Muslim has an easier time wading through all this or not, but as someone from the outside looking in... yikes!
The thought I will end with is this: I think that trying to fit into some kind of model Muslimah role is unrealistic at best. Converts into any religion often feel pressured to be perfect examples, but I think if people born into a religion have the right to question, reinterpret, and even screw up, then so do converts. I like the idea of covering one's head as a show of respect to God, provided it comes after inner dedication, but I don't like the idea of walking around in a tent.
If I do convert, I will probably be a "bad" Muslim in someone's eyes. Its really just a matter of deciding which gauntlet (or hijab, in this case) I want to throw down.
Hope that was somehow insightful.
