Hi all, this is my first time opening a discussion. I have a question. What do you do when your future parents-in-law (the parents of the man you are seeing) refuse to accept you for their son? Here is my situation. I am currently learning and researching about Islam, as i am planning to convert in the near future. The guy i am seeing is Muslim. He was the person who initially started teaching me about Islam. Now, his parents are completley 100% against our relationship, against us getting married and raising a family. The reason is because i am not a 'born Muslim' as his mother refers to me as, and i am not Lebanese like him and his family. They want someone that has 'grown up in the religion'. His mother even was quoted as saying 'why would i waste my time teaching her the religion, when i can find you a girl that already knows the religion'. This angered alot of people, since when is teaching someone about Islam a 'waste of time'?. Both his parents refuse to even meet me to see what kind of person i am. I have spoken to his mother on a few occasions over the phone, but she just tries to brainwash me, saying things like "my son will never marry you, he is just with you for fun. He will find a good Muslim girl to get married to because trust me, all men return back to their own kind'. I know that's not true. Please don't critisise me or say things like you shouldn't even be in a relationship, it's haram. I just need some advice. HELP!!!
If his parents are that averse to you getting married to their son, then I really dont know what could change their minds other then their son pleading with them or expaining to them how it would be great to 'make you a Muslim and save you', and maybe you can become a practicing muslimah and they may change their minds
I think they may be averse to it for the reason that in their minds you are a 'fornicatress' [sorry, just mentioned it in order to explain] [they know their son is too?, but traditional muslim parents dont usually accept such a thing for their future daughter inlaw], so sister it may be a good idea to stop any illegitimate relationship with their son and then show that you are a changed person; basically you can keep it all 'halal' and then see if that will change their minds, but ultimatley you have to remember that all these actions are to be taken for Allah alone, and by their blessings ALlah can change the minds of his parents if he wills
However sister, allthough you asked us not to, yet I can't ignore the fact that your in a sinfull relationship, so the most important thing for you to do is to stop this harmfull activity, no matter what your future holds with your desired man, and as a side effect, maybe then things will turn out 'good' for you in regards to this matter, as everything happens from Allah and all good and bad is in his hands alone
My suggestion is that you put the monkey right on the back of the person it belongs to. Your future husband needs to get things right with his parents ASAP. If he can't make the argument for marriage to them and have it accepted or can't decide that he's going the be less influenced by his parent's attitudes and be willing to forego interaction with them until they change, then he's not ready to be married to you. Please explain to the young man that you will not allow others to dis-respect you, even if they are his parents. Convert only if/when you are ready and can accept Islam even if you are not in a relationship with this person. Accept that even if you do convert it is likely that his folks will never accept you, although their reasons are't islamic but rather cultural.
Being born a Muslim does not mean that we will all die a Muslim. And that being a Muslim does not mean that we are free from sins. I am always in fear cos of this, afraid that I will not make it as a good muslimah.
Just wanna let u know that u are already beautiful on the inside as u are embracing a faith cos u want it and not cos of ur friend.
I suggest that in this case u have to leave it in God hand. Just pray that HE will move his parents heart. If it is ur fate to be with him then it will be.
Sabar (Patience) when u are facing difficulties.
Syukur (Thanks) when everything is fine.
Redha when accepting fate (Im sorry, cant find the translation for redhda meaning)
Tawakkal (Resignation) when in doubt.
Ya Allah, the subtle, the sufficient, the preserver, the healer.
If we pray pervently and sincerely for something good he will always grant ur wishes.
"Perhaps u hate something but it is good for u. And perhaps u like something when it is bad for u."
