I recently got married in January. I live in Pakistan (awaiting my visa to join my husband). My husband lives in America. I recently found out he has been having an affair for the last year (through our enagagement and after we were married) with an American (new convert to Islam within the last week). He and I had been engaged for 6 years, since I was 16. We are related, so both our families are involved in our marriage.
In addition to the affair, the American girl is pregnant with his child. The baby is due March 2010. I have decided to stay with my husband and work through this, but he recently proposed that he take this American as a 2nd wife, so he can make the relationship halaal. He said the decision is mine. If I tell him no, he will not have anything to do with the child, which even though unborn, he admits the child is indeed his. If I say no, I cannot see him with a 2nd wife, do I risk him resenting me later in life for not having a relationship with this child? If I say yes, do I risk losing him to the American as she has a child before I will have one with him?
He believes that he will be able to split his time between a home we share and a home he will share with her equally, should I agree.
I need guidance and I cannot tell my family as this will create shame that I cannot bear.
More importantly, he married you, made a committment to YOU, and then CHEATED on you. Now he's asking you to validate his adultery.
Tell him he has a choice: YOU or his pregnant mistress. If he's a REAL man, he'll honor his vows to you.
"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment." -- George Carlin
Like wmdkitty said, having two spouses is illegal in the United States. If he did go about with a second marriage, it would have to be a "spirtual" marriage. His second wife would have no legal rights to his property, money, or anything while he is living or after he has passed.
Personally, I think you should talk to your husband and find some other way besides this all or nothing agreement. If he chooses to have nothing to do with this woman and his child he will most definately be brought to court for lapsed child support payments. Missing child support payments could lead to garnishment of his wages and in some states the inability to renew his drivers licence until he is caught up.
I would suggest you treat this child as if it was your step child via divorce. Your husband will inevitably pay for a portion of this child's bills either sooner or later, so the two of you might as well have a relationship with the child while he is growing up. I would also suggest that you, your husband, and his mistress meet and discuss things like custody and child support before the child is born, just to protect yourselfs from any legal ramifications.
