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9 years ago  ::  Jul 20, 2009 - 12:07AM #1
Posts: 1,224

Hate and anger.

I want to let these feelings go.

Its hard.

Recently I found out that the person that I thought of as my best friend molested my son.

For the first time in my life I hate someone. I hate him for what he did to my son and I want to hurt him.  I don't like to feel hatred and anger.

How do I free myself? How do I let go of these feelings?

"When you walk, you might like to take the hand of a child. She will receive your concentration and stability, and you will receive her freshness and innocence." -Tich Naht Hanh
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9 years ago  ::  Jul 20, 2009 - 11:02PM #2
Posts: 1,420
Hi Habala,

What you are feeling now is what every parent feels when their child is threatened or harmed. The urge to protect children is very strong and you can't make it go away by wishing. So you have emotions that are stronger than you are, or at least stronger than any effort you can make to defeat them.

You practice aikido. What do you do when you are faced with an enemy who is stronger than you?
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9 years ago  ::  Jul 21, 2009 - 12:15PM #3
Posts: 21

Hate and anger are natural emotions, and there's no point trying to get rid of them.  What can be done is that they can be examined in meditation and in daily life.  "All dharmas are marked by emptiness," as it says in the Heart Sutra.  If these emotions - which we construct in our own minds from no substance - can be seen through, they lose [some of] their power.

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9 years ago  ::  Jul 27, 2009 - 10:27PM #4
sixth step phobia
Posts: 733

When does hate and anger turn into resentment and fear?

Spiritual awakening is awakening from the dream of thought
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9 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2009 - 11:35PM #5
Posts: 60


I'm sorry to hear that your family is having to go through this ordeal. As Daigo stated, there is really nothing you can do with those emotions. I would recommend that you focus instead on your sons needs, more than ever he needs your help to make sense of the world.

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9 years ago  ::  Sep 12, 2009 - 10:40PM #6
Posts: 63

The only thing you should do is observe what you are feeling, observe your mind with mindfulness.  See how it generates suffering.  Do not judge your feelings or yourself for feeling this.  Eventually, your mindful observation will produce insight and conviction of the fact that you are only generating suffering to YOURSELF, and you will naturally find it easier to let go, or at least be here and now and not focus on that mindstream.

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8 years ago  ::  Jan 05, 2010 - 10:05AM #7
Posts: 1

Dearest Friend! You are Loved, and Love itself. You son's healing has begun a long time ago, and only now have you been part of that healing circle. Help him in getting all the love, and guidance, counciling he needs, but for yourself too. I have been through a good bit of abuse, as well as on the other side of murder due to anger and hatered. I just recently met the man that killed my father way beack when I was young. The ill efects of the others surounding any decision is PERMANENT AND CHANGING all the time. Those that posted before are right. These feelings will change over time. the Hate and anger will change to Fear and resentment that you were not there to protect your loved ones. each day is a new chance to do what you love. Love your family and be the courage it will need to carry one acknowledging that this has happeend, but that it is not the single event that defines any of your lives! Hare Krishna! and lots of Love heading your way! Lila

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8 years ago  ::  Jun 20, 2010 - 6:08PM #8
Posts: 1

Sometimes the problem isn't knowing what to do, so much as knowing where to begin. When we focus on the perceived "cause" of our negative emotions, it only makes them worse. Especially powerful emotions, like hate and anger.

Simply observing a strong, negative feeling has the effect of separating us from them, but that's not what you want - it isn't going to go away if you do that; it's only going to rear it's head again when you least expect it, creating an unending cycle.

In Zen training, we are constantly urged to be fully involved in the task at hand; if it's taking care of your son, then take care of him with complete honesty and openness. If you're sitting and feeling the hate and anger, instead of trying to get away, embrace them. Not to keep them, or intensify them, but to wrap yourself around them, to accept them as being there, and let them run through you. This doesn't mean you get to visit your anger on someone else or wallow in it; it means you cannot move through something until you accept it for what it is. You don't have to know "what to do about it", which is what we always want to find out. Sometimes the only thing we really can do is to accept the thing we're handed, no matter how awful it seems.

I urge you to find someone in your community to talk to about this, if you haven't already. Powerful emotions, and having one's life turned upside down are overwhelming, and there's nothing wrong in seeking help to deal with it.

I pray that you find peace in your life. Good luck, and God bless.

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