I am a 28-year-old lapsed Christian who is very much interested in converting to Islam. I have already accepted in my heart the belief in the oneness and unity of God and that Muhammad is indeed a prophet of God. If I were single, I'm certain that I would already have taken shahada and become a Muslim, but my wife is adamantly against my conversion.
When she and I were first married, we agreed to raise our children in the Church and to live as a traditional Christian family. And in a way, I feel as if I am breaking a promise to her by leaving the Church and accepting Islam. I love her and would never show her disrespect or break a solemn promise, especially about our children, but I also feel that I should follow where God is leading me.
Salamualikum wr wb Brother, wellcome to the forum ;]
It is ok to break 'sinfull promises' brother, and as other religions are considered to be 'false' in Islam, or paths that lead away from God, then it is neccessary to break them and there will be no sin or harm invloved in it for you
I am so pleased that Allah has shown you the truth of Islam, however unless you have verbally uttered the shahadah, you will not be a Muslim brother, hence this is the next step you should take; whatever problems this may give rise to, such as your wife wanting a divorce, etc, yet it is all worth it brother for there is no problem that is worth avoiding in place of one's eternal salvation; with your wife being Christian, you can retain her as your wife, for Muslims are allowed to marry women of the Book, but with the condition that they are confident that their faith or that of their childrens will not be effected, but you may have to marry your wife again [once you have converted] according to the Islamic Marriage, but not sure of this [your local Imam should be able to clarify inshAllah]
hope his helps
All the Best brother
Salaam
ps: I think it may be worth a try to see if you can explain the beuty of Islam to your wife, inshALlah if God wills she will be more tollerant of it or she may even convert herself
I appreciate and am grateful for your words of advice, but I don't think I'm willing to jeopardize my marriage at this point. I certainly hope to persuade her and show her the beauties and truth of Islam, at least so that she will be more comfortable with my conversion. I may be in a situation, however, where I have to wait until my children are grown before formally entering into Islam, although that would meaning waiting many, many years as my children are still very young.
But I trust in God to guide me (and my wife). If it is His will, then I will become a Muslim and my family will remain intact.
I appreciate and am grateful for your words of advice, but I don't think I'm willing to jeopardize my marriage at this point. I certainly hope to persuade her and show her the beauties and truth of Islam, at least so that she will be more comfortable with my conversion. I may be in a situation, however, where I have to wait until my children are grown before formally entering into Islam, although that would meaning waiting many, many years as my children are still very young.
But I trust in God to guide me (and my wife). If it is His will, then I will become a Muslim and my family will remain intact.
Thank you for your words.
Peace be unto you.
Salamualikum wr wb my dear brother,
Brother I understand how hard it can be to loose one's wife or children as well, thus I sympathise with your choice brother and if you dont mind there is just one possible solution that I'd like to bring to your attention
Islam does allow one to hide one's faith if they are in dangerous or potentially harmfull situations, but I'm not sure if it allows it in your situation, but nonthless brother, you can allways become a 'secret Muslim', where you say the shahadah and thereafter do not do anything that will take you out of Islam again, such as worship any one other than Allah or reject the concept of monothiesm in your heart, if you do that brother then you will be a Muslim wether you practice all of the obligatory observances or not; waiting many years to convert may be a verry risky thing indeed brother, for there is no guarantee one would even live on till the next day...
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you all the best and may ALlah take you and your family from this earth [after the end of a verry long life inshAllah] as Muslims/believers, ameen
Hello seeker & all, may this message find you in the best of health and spirits.
I'm no psychologist or scholar, but I would say that in the interest of your marriage and your children (bringing them up in stable, loving environment) it's important not to rush things: there are so many things Muslims and Christians agree on. As a "lapsed" Christian you could first focus on that area (as Muslims we're encouraged to learn about previous revelations)? Not sure where you're based, but as a convert (woman) myself I know there's much nonsense out there about Islam, especially about women in Islam, so perhaps that's where her reluctance is coming from?
Whatever you do, if you trust in God and do things for God's sake, God will show you the way and make it easy for you.
PS: re "I know there's much nonsense out there about Islam, especially about women in Islam" - and many of us Muslims are also sadly not always best examples of what Islam means!
Hello seeker & all, may this message find you in the best of health and spirits.
I'm no psychologist or scholar, but I would say that in the interest of your marriage and your children (bringing them up in stable, loving environment) it's important not to rush things: there are so many things Muslims and Christians agree on. As a "lapsed" Christian you could first focus on that area (as Muslims we're encouraged to learn about previous revelations)? Not sure where you're based, but as a convert (woman) myself I know there's much nonsense out there about Islam, especially about women in Islam, so perhaps that's where her reluctance is coming from?
Whatever you do, if you trust in God and do things for God's sake, God will show you the way and make it easy for you.
My 2p. In peace, globalnomad
Peace!
Thank you for your words of advice, and I think you're exactly right. There is no need for me, at this point, to rush into anything. I already believe in the unity and oneness of God and have rejected the "orthodox" Christian doctrines of the Trinity and the incarnation of God in the person of Jesus (pbuh), and perhaps if my wife sees how "normal" I remain in spite of rejecting these teachings she will be more comfortable with the subject of Islam. And I do think she has taken in many of the (false) negative stereotypes concerning women in Islam. Its going to be a task reeducating her as to the truth of the role of women envisioned by Islam.
So perhaps for the time, I shall remain an "atypical Christian" (in the words of Dr. Jerald Dirks, a former Christian scholar who reverted to Islam), who simply prays to God and tries to live charitably, virtuously and simply.
I think this is always an individual issue for men and women who live in countries that are not Muslim. My mother isn't Muslim. One of my brothers is married to a non Muslim. One of my sisters is married to a non Muslim. My husband's brother is married to a non Muslim. In our family, at least, things seem to work fine and in fact we enjoy other faiths' holidays. Think about a bunch of Muslim men and women gathered around a Christmas tree listening to someone explain that in his house it's called a Hanukkah bush all to the mutual hilarity of all. Conversion is, and should be a serious thing. No one should convert (I just don't like the term 'revert'. It seems too xenophobic and condescending though I understand the concept) unless he or she really accepts the faith being entered. Converting in order to marry is not necessary in the US, or many other places so it is, in fact, a personal decision which should be done because of personal belief, not expediency.
waiting many years to convert may be a verry risky thing indeed brother,
Salamualikum wr wb brother
I've researched up this point a bit further brother and inshAllah it seems that you may not be in as big a danger as I thought, for allthough there is an opinion such as the following:
One who believes in his heart but does no verbally state his belief is not considered as a believer neither in this life nor in the Hereafter. Allah has not declared such a person to be a believer in the Message (the Qur'aan) - simply due to the Knowledge of Eeman in his Heart. He is not considered a believer unless he confirms it by his speech.
Therefore, the outward speech is an essential aspect of Eeman, and according to the earlier and later scholars, one will not be saved unless he verbally testifies. The Muslims agree that he, who does not make the confession of faith although he has the ability to do so, is a disbeliever. He is a disbeliever both inwardly and outwardly according to the pious predecessors and Imams of this nation." [Ibn Taymiyyah, Kitaab al-Eeman, p.126]
As far as the verbal acceptance is concerned, the majority (jumhur) of the scholars of Islamic creed (aqidah) are of the position that verbal confession is a condition in order for one to be called a Muslim in this world, and on which judgments are passed, such as: Marrying, inheriting, being buried in a Muslim graveyard, etc?
Since having a belief in the heart is a hidden thing that must have a sign, therefore, whosoever believes with his heart (tasdiq bil qalb) and does not confess with his tongue (iqrar bil lisan) is considered a believer with Allah Almighty, but not according to the judgments of this world (See: Sa?d al-Din al-Taftazani on the creed of Najm al-Din al-Nasafi, P. 190, Dar al-Bayruti, Damascus).
Therefore, if you are convinced of the basic and essential beliefs of Islam, then you are already considered a believer according to Allah Almighty. However, for you to be considered a believer in this world, you must confess and express your beliefs by saying the Shahadah.
Thank you for your words of advice, and I think you're exactly right. There is no need for me, at this point, to rush into anything. I already believe in the unity and oneness of God and have rejected the "orthodox" Christian doctrines of the Trinity and the incarnation of God in the person of Jesus (pbuh), and perhaps if my wife sees how "normal" I remain in spite of rejecting these teachings she will be more comfortable with the subject of Islam. And I do think she has taken in many of the (false) negative stereotypes concerning women in Islam. Its going to be a task reeducating her as to the truth of the role of women envisioned by Islam.
So perhaps for the time, I shall remain an "atypical Christian" (in the words of Dr. Jerald Dirks, a former Christian scholar who reverted to Islam), who simply prays to God and tries to live charitably, virtuously and simply.
Hello seeker!
This is my humble advice... you can say shahada in the privacy of your home or anywhere you want. All you need to do is simply vocalize your beliefs. In that way... you will actually be inside the fold of Islam and the angels will be the witnesses of your shahada :)
Believe it or not, that little simple step has so many effects in the heart...
Then continue learning about Islam, learn a couple of prayers which you can also do in the privacy of your world, and just take it one day at the time.
And the MOST important thing... pray pray pray... God is the guider of everything, God has the power of transforming hearts :) So pray and ask for help... God doesn't leave the prayers of His slaves unanswered.
