Assalamu 'Alaykum

I am a 19 year old girl, born and raised in the west. I have recently gotten engaged to someone in my extended family (with is pretty normal in the Arab culture) who was raised in both western and traditional middle eastern culture, but does tend to sway towards traditional. We knew each other as cousins before he asked to talk to me with intention of marriage, we then began to know each others' representatives as we progressed by predominantly talking on the phone, and then we decided to get engaged in the sense of planning marriage (no contracts, religious or government issued). So, technically we still aren't anything, but on principle we are considered as good as married. And I don't mean we feel we are entitled to now cross any sort of physical barriers with each other, I mean our family would treat our break up as a divorce. There would be drama, feuds ignited, years of ties cut between family members and all the like. While I was talking to him leading up to the engagement I didn't have any sort of romantic feelings for him, or any lustful, teenage "omg I'm in love" feelings, I was merely intrigued by his many good qualities as a human being, and as a man which are becoming harder and harder to find in men these days (at least the ones I am aware of). But, these qualities, as noble and honorable as they are, obviously did not make up his character in entirety, he had many less obvious, almost evasive qualities which I only found after the engagement. But, I must admit, the thing which drew me too him the most was the fact that he has loved me for a long time, something my family told me, and something which he confessed before we got engaged. And something else I must admit is I did develop feelings towards him only a very short while before the engagement. It's now been 1 year since then, and we are planning on getting married in about another year's time. But every time I talk to him lately I am seeing more and more things I hadn't seen before. He is arrogant, condescending, controlling, and very easily angered, but they are all mixed in with his good words and the intentions he says to posses. (just to clarify, I would never be afraid of any sort of physical abuse, mental and emotional though.... he could one day get there...he has a soft kind heart in many ways, but my big problem is more dealing with his moods and demands). And by this point we have encountered quite a few problems in which I seem to always be the "culprit" of and in which he extends his forgiveness, ableit conditional. And regardless of how many times I express my complaints about the relationship or about him, no matter how i try and formulate my feelings into words he can accept, he still will never acknowledge his faults with me. And then he throws all my mistakes (which in reality are not ones which are huge, and though wrong, only a symptom of my growing up from a child into an adult) and how gallant he was to forgive me. It just makes my blood boil! I can't stand him anymore, and any feelings I had for him are quickly dissipating. And what puts me over the edge is how fast he changes, one second he is telling me how much he loves and adores me, and the next he is jerkzilla who feels the need to keep reminding me that he will soon have all the control. And I don;t know if this is from his insecurities or if i am triggering these behaviours, but I just can't deal with it anymore. I am seriously considering breaking this off, and not because I can't take the current heat, but i am afraid of how he might change for the worse when we are married, and then when I am not so cute and young to calm his objections down with love, and then when we have children (inshallah) and it will be even harder for me to leave him. This is prevention rather than cure so to speak. But it's like I'm stuck. I don't know what to do!! Do I deal with him or do I destroy the family? How can I voice my concerns to him without provoking his defensiveness? I have become attached to him as a person, and there are times when I feel he is the love of my life, but I don't know if this is a fair trade off, so to speak. I am not the most religious girl out there, but I do want to do what is best from an Islamic point of view. If you understood this hopelessly chaotic rant, please help with whatever advice you can give. Thank you in advance.

* I just want to emphasize that he is not abusive in anyway--just a plain old run of the mill jerk when he wants to be.