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6 years ago  ::  Oct 01, 2008 - 8:41PM #1
Obb
Posts: 4
Hello all,

First time posting. I've been following these forums for awhile now (about a year or so) but I don't think anyone has covered this topic.  Briefly, I would like to describe myself.  I live in a metropolitan area in the USA. I'm in my early 30's, baptized, recently divorced (scripturally free and in good standing), have a good job, considered (handsome/good looking by others), am a nice guy (treat others with respect and am friendly with all), fun, reasonably intelligent, eclectic, enjoy traveling, dress well, live a simple yet comfortable life, exercise often, and eat extremely healthy. I make most meetings and go out in service.  I'd say I'm a pretty normal guy with a balanced view of life in this system.  I'm not perfect by any means, but am working towards small yet reachable spiritual goals. 

I have a question that I'm hoping someone can answer.  I want to be clear that I’m being serious and not writing this as a joke.   

What is it with dating women in the truth?  I'm trying to find what I would consider a ‘normal’ spiritually balanced sister and it is proving difficult. Now while I haven't been looking for a long time and most of my dating experience has been with Gen X sisters (25 to 30 years old), of the ones I've come across, there are types that I can unfortunately classify into buckets.  This may come off as brash but I think I need to air my thoughts.

I know these are probably unfair sweeping generalizations, but this has been my experience.   

1) The Pioneer Sister - While having the best intentions by pioneering sometimes this person comes across  as self righteous, and may look at you as being 'spiritually weak' if you are not a pioneer or pursuing  this goal actively.  This person seems to place your congregational responsibilities as ‘marriage criteria’ above all else.  While I believe spiritual considerations are crucial and important, it would make sense to look at the overall picture of a person.  I've seen marriages in the truth end because the sister went for 'The MS or Elder' and did not fall in love with the actual person. 
   
2) The Woman with unreasonable expectations - This sister wants a man to work for her.  The guy to fix the house, fix the car, to cook, mow the lawn, clean the house, to drive the kids to/fro, to be the bread winner, to be a GQ model, to own a business making 100k+ a year, to be an elder or ministerial servant, the sperm donor for her future child, and to be able to lift a car off the ground with one hand etc.. etc..  Oh, and if you have some time...  why not pioneer? 

3) The Baby Craver - This dear sister wants a baby bad.  She's the one that plays with all the babies in the hall.  To add to it, others encourage her to get married and have one of her own.  Are these women nuts? We are so close to the end... why not just wait until the new system to have as many as you want?  (God willing).  There are so many issues to take into account.  Cost of the newborn and raising the child, mass quantities of time in a world where spare time is rare, the worry of birth defects, the worry of sickness, the worry during the great tribulation, hoping they will stay in the truth, etc...  How about just waiting.. Ok?  Is it so much to ask?

4) The Nut Jobs - These women are crazy.  Not from an overly zealous perspective, but in a super big eyed, call the guys with the white coats kind of way.  You cannot make heads or tails of their rationale.  They should come with a stamp on their forehead that says "Send to Sanitarium".  Consistently reinforces the fact that we need the end more than ever.   

5) The Ultra Quiet - Usually not having much of a personality.  Barely talks, and then runs out of the hall as soon as it ends.  Shyness to the extreme and usually dresses very plainly.  While I understand modesty is important in dress, at least try to care about your appearance a bit and associate with a few people.   

6) The In and Outs - Come to the meetings every so often.  May or may not have kids.  Have been DF'd once or many times.  Usually have a stressed out or used/abused look on their face.  Knowing full well, that if you get involved with them, you're in for trouble in one way or another.   

7) The Divorced mothers - Desperate and among other things looking for a replacement father.  Enough said on this one.

8) The Waiters - The ones that want to get married but are holding out for "something better" while they watch their youthful years wither away.  There is one sister in the hall that is in her sixties because she held out so long.  Her chances for marriage in this system seem next to nil.   

9) Damaged Goods - Those who have chosen to exit the marriage bond by scripturally breaking it.  Some of these in fact have the audacity to be extremely picky about whom they date and consider themselves as being a 'choice' selection.  They also may have serious emotional baggage and trust issues.  My thought is, once you have done something like that.. You need to be flexible on who you date.  It's not like brothers are going to be flocking to you after that.  I know there are plenty of circumstances around and why marriages end that way (abuse, trust, etc..) but still. 

10) The Hottie – Too good for anyone (in their mind).  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200. 

11) The Drama Queen – Gossip is her middle name and much drama is found in this one.  Stay away or be consumed.

Some of the abovementioned can be combined to form psychotic combos of which are truly frustrating.   Also, I see instances of disrespect and a general sense of being owed something.  Another common trait is the games.  Why play games? I recently had a sister tell me “Make me work for your attention”.  What? You’re kidding me right?  Are we in middle school? *sigh* I know we are living in the last days, but what is going on?   

It seems that the best ones are already taken (given to marriage between the age of 18-23 due to either  wanting to get out of the house early and/or wanting sexual relief). 

Is it too much to ask for a sane balanced woman (spiritually), kind, loyal, and loving with a mutual attraction?  Everyone talks about the ratio of single sisters to single brothers (more available sisters so they say).  I'm just not seeing it.

I honestly don't feel like I am being picky because those are some BIG hurdles.  I'm very tempted to look for a sister out of the country or even older than I would normally consider.  I'm not feeling it with the emotional/mental instability of single sisters in the United States within my age bracket.     

Any suggestions?  I know I can't be the only person who has gone through/currently going through this.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 01, 2008 - 10:48PM #2
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
AND done that...I truly understand. I could write a book on this subject. Unfortunately in some congregations...available potiential "dates", or whatever are very limited.  Male or female. I have been married three times...none were "already" Witnesses. The first one, we were baptized at the same time...altho I as "raised" with the Truth. He studied and accepted the "Truth", or so I thought. Long story, but marriage ended, after 26 difficult years. The second had accepted a book one time at the door. Didn't show much interest at  first..but finally did, after several years, and believed what he had studied. Became chronically ill, however, but arranged in the event of his demise, to have the brother who studied with him...preside over his funeral. He died  first of the year, 1999, after 13 years of a pretty good marriage. Was not able to be baptized, due to his ill health, but loved the sound of the truth.  l loved him dearly, and still miss him. Remarried in 2004...both his parents had been JW's, same as mine. Not much rubbed off on him.  Divorced in 2006, after finding out he was totally unreasonable to anything and everything, to live with. Not a pretty picture, but I am now thru with marriage, after over 40 years, of trying to make the best of what I had. I wish you well...but would never say it is easy...because it just isn't.  Perhaps if you just kind of quit looking, a potiential good match might come along. Otherwise, the system is so near its end....perhaps one might do well, just to wait for the New System.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 02, 2008 - 2:07AM #3
anotherpaul
Posts: 2,702
[QUOTE=Obb;797950]

Is it too much to ask for a sane balanced woman (spiritually), kind, loyal, and loving with a mutual attraction?  Everyone talks about the ratio of single sisters to single brothers (more available sisters so they say).  I'm just not seeing it.

I honestly don't feel like I am being picky because those are some BIG hurdles.  I'm very tempted to look for a sister out of the country or even older than I would normally consider.  I'm not feeling it with the emotional/mental instability of single sisters in the United States within my age bracket.     

Any suggestions?  I know I can't be the only person who has gone through/currently going through this.[/QUOTE]

Hi,

Be thankful that you can see those with these problems. Imagine not seeing them and marrying one.

Yes it is hard at any age to find a spiritual partner. If it were easy there would be far fewer divorces or even strained marriages in the congregations.

The best course is to first make sure you are a good spiritual person. Being active in the congregation is good, but why are you NOT a servant? That is NOT a deciding factor for a spiritual sister, but she will still rightly wonder.

Pray to Jehovah about the matter. Ask for His guidance and even for Jehovah to find a sister for you. Best match maker there is.

Ask an couple of elders and give them examples of actual sisters you have noticed. Get some good realistic advice from someone in a good solid marriage and who has been married for a long time. This must also be someone who you see has a very good marriage. Ask for their help in finding a sister or better yet ask their wives.

A older sister sister, who is in a good marriage, will protect you and look only for good mature "candidates". Such mature sisters are really good at that and worth going to.

Just a couple of observations.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 02, 2008 - 2:07AM #4
anotherpaul
Posts: 2,702
[QUOTE=Obb;797950]

Is it too much to ask for a sane balanced woman (spiritually), kind, loyal, and loving with a mutual attraction?  Everyone talks about the ratio of single sisters to single brothers (more available sisters so they say).  I'm just not seeing it.

I honestly don't feel like I am being picky because those are some BIG hurdles.  I'm very tempted to look for a sister out of the country or even older than I would normally consider.  I'm not feeling it with the emotional/mental instability of single sisters in the United States within my age bracket.     

Any suggestions?  I know I can't be the only person who has gone through/currently going through this.[/QUOTE]

Hi,

Be thankful that you can see those with these problems. Imagine not seeing them and marrying one.

Yes it is hard at any age to find a spiritual partner. If it were easy there would be far fewer divorces or even strained marriages in the congregations.

The best course is to first make sure you are a good spiritual person. Being active in the congregation is good, but why are you NOT a servant? That is NOT a deciding factor for a spiritual sister, but she will still rightly wonder.

Pray to Jehovah about the matter. Ask for His guidance and even for Jehovah to find a sister for you. Best match maker there is.

Ask an couple of elders and give them examples of actual sisters you have noticed. Get some good realistic advice from someone in a good solid marriage and who has been married for a long time. This must also be someone who you see has a very good marriage. Ask for their help in finding a sister or better yet ask their wives.

A older sister sister, who is in a good marriage, will protect you and look only for good mature "candidates". Such mature sisters are really good at that and worth going to.

Just a couple of observations.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 04, 2008 - 5:45PM #5
Newtonian
Posts: 12,127
Obb - If you really want a marriage mate as much as I did, then supplicate Jehovah in tears - but, of course, that will only happen when your heart moves you too - not when I suggest it.

I searched for 10 years and found many good sisters who liked me back and made friends but did not want to marry me.

Friendship with someone you are in love with is hard, btw.  The first sister I was in love with married another brother and while she was courting I asked to be her chaperone - I made a good chaperone - though it hurt my heart.  We were totally open and honest, btw - I had asked her to marry me and she responded kindly but no.  She liked me of course - we both were pioneers and enjoyed the ministry together with many other pioneers in our zealous congregation.  Her kindness included listening to hundreds of my phone calls as I poured out my heart to her and she waited to marry the other brother until I could handle it emotionally.

The brother she married was also an organic gardener (as I was and am) - he also knew I was in love with her and understood completely since he was in love with her.

Anyway - it is very difficult to be close friends under those circumstances - it takes true  unselfish love - but we became and stayed the best of friends - her husband, for example, was in my wedding party.

Now, some 10 years later my father had just died and I was in the funeral parlor crying to Jehovah - little did I know my wife was across the street not having been called on yet.   The angels knew.

I was not then crying for a wife - I was in mourning.

I also met a wonderful sister who I fell in love with (a number of other wonderful sisters in between, btw).  I also asked her to marry me - after becoming friends of course.   Our dating was mostly in the ministry - though we also went bowling, etc. - but she just wanted to be friends though it was not certain it would stay that way.

Meanwhile, the brother who was boarding with me and my mom called on Mary door to door and started a Bible Study with her.  That was when I supplicated Jehovah for help in finding a wife.

I was hoping Jehovah would help me reach the sister's heart with whom I was in love - my prayer was pleading and with many tears.

So I started a Bible study with a woman and asked this sister to come with me and she said Yes!  However, the brother who boarded with us asked her to come with him to Mary - also a new Bible study.  She said yes to him also - not realizing both studies were at the same time!   Poor sister, she didn't know what to do!

Well, the brother (my close friend, btw) suggested we all go together in a car group - he drove.   He knew I was in love - he was not in love with her but with another sister.  We had a little boy in the car group as a fourth person.

Well, my friend decides at the appointed time to go to Mary first and tells me to wait in the car and if Mary had her study then I could take the boy on my study.   

I was so upset - I prayed (silently) to Jehovah - why are you letting me go through this - why?  why?.

That's when I met Mary - I came in - fuming mad - said a quick stern hi! to Mary and asked my friend if the study was on or off.   It was on - I turned and left fuming mad!

Well, both studies worked out - mine was very nice but did not come in the truth - Mary was very nice also.

Eventually, the sister let me come on Mary's study with her - I loved every minute of it!  After many months the sister and her close friend said:  You know - Mary would be good for you!  I said back - I am in love with you - which, of course, she already knew.

Well - this sister went out west and turned over the study for a month to a pioneer sister.  When she left I checked on my beloved's Bible student and the pioneer sister had forgotten to go!  Well, I cared for my beloved's student, bringing another sister on the study.  She came with my mom and I to the district convention - she sat with me and I shared the Scriptures with her as they were cited by the speakers.

She sent a thankyou/friendship note later and that did it!  I now wanted to date Mary - but, of course, could not since she was not baptized.  The sister came back from out west and continued the study and now cautioned me to wait until she was my sister - not that she wanted to marry me herself - she was just being a good friend.

Well, Mary made progress - eventually becoming an unbaptized publisher.  We didn’t date but as always I was totally open with her as I am with everyone - she knew I liked her and she liked me - the story of my search for a wife up till then - made many good friends - but no wife!

We didn’t date - but we did enjoy the ministry together almost every day.   Our love for each other grew as we served Jehovah together.

As it became obvious when we sat together at the Kingdom Hall the elders, who were kind, counseled me to stop since Mary was not baptized.

That’s when Mary spoke up - she is normally very quiet and shy.  She went straight to the elders and told them in no uncertain terms that they did not have to worry about me with her.

I worked with one of these elders in the ministry at that time and while in the ministry he said to me - you know, Mary is an unbeliever - we shouldn’t date an unbeliever.  I responded that I knew she loved Jehovah and would be loyal and that she was a believer - just not baptized yet.

I told him - you know there are baptized sisters that really do not love Jehovah as much as Mary does - how do you know a marriage to one of them would work out?

He humbly agreed and while cautioning me appropriately, also understood.  [Later that elder’s wife was disfellowshiped and eventually after trying, the marriage ended in a Scriptural divorce.]

Around that time I asked Mary if she was dedicated yet (in private prayer to Jehovah, of course).  She was in November, 1981.  Then it was that I actually told her completely how I felt about her - and asked if she felt the same way.  She answered that she would always be my friend.  That relieved me so much because it had been such a struggle to stay friends with the previous sisters I had been in love with.   One even said she couldn’t be a friend with me because I wanted to marry her!  Thankfully that was only one that responded that way - I am thankful to the many who stayed friends with me.

Well - December passed, January, February - still no circuit assembly for her to be baptized at.  March, April - I couldn’t wait!  So the sister helped us find a convention in Manhattan and Mary was baptized there in May.  I proposed to her that night and she accepted.  We courted for 2 months and were married in July 1982.

I still remember the tearful supplication and the immediate answer when my friend took the sister to her study (Mary) instead of letting me take her to my study and I cried out to Jehovah (silently) - why are you letting me go through this!   And I remembered my tearful prayers at the funeral parlor across the street from where Mary lived, my future beloved wife whom I had not met and who had not been called on yet.

I remembered and I now knew Jehovah is the hearer of prayers - but the answer may not be what we think is best - it will be what Jehovah knows is best.

Remember, I had been praying for a wife for 10 years - it was only after supplicating with tears and pleading that my prayer was answered - and I had to show unselfish, loyal love for that prayer to be answered that way, btw.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 04, 2008 - 5:45PM #6
Newtonian
Posts: 12,127
Obb - If you really want a marriage mate as much as I did, then supplicate Jehovah in tears - but, of course, that will only happen when your heart moves you too - not when I suggest it.

I searched for 10 years and found many good sisters who liked me back and made friends but did not want to marry me.

Friendship with someone you are in love with is hard, btw.  The first sister I was in love with married another brother and while she was courting I asked to be her chaperone - I made a good chaperone - though it hurt my heart.  We were totally open and honest, btw - I had asked her to marry me and she responded kindly but no.  She liked me of course - we both were pioneers and enjoyed the ministry together with many other pioneers in our zealous congregation.  Her kindness included listening to hundreds of my phone calls as I poured out my heart to her and she waited to marry the other brother until I could handle it emotionally.

The brother she married was also an organic gardener (as I was and am) - he also knew I was in love with her and understood completely since he was in love with her.

Anyway - it is very difficult to be close friends under those circumstances - it takes true  unselfish love - but we became and stayed the best of friends - her husband, for example, was in my wedding party.

Now, some 10 years later my father had just died and I was in the funeral parlor crying to Jehovah - little did I know my wife was across the street not having been called on yet.   The angels knew.

I was not then crying for a wife - I was in mourning.

I also met a wonderful sister who I fell in love with (a number of other wonderful sisters in between, btw).  I also asked her to marry me - after becoming friends of course.   Our dating was mostly in the ministry - though we also went bowling, etc. - but she just wanted to be friends though it was not certain it would stay that way.

Meanwhile, the brother who was boarding with me and my mom called on Mary door to door and started a Bible Study with her.  That was when I supplicated Jehovah for help in finding a wife.

I was hoping Jehovah would help me reach the sister's heart with whom I was in love - my prayer was pleading and with many tears.

So I started a Bible study with a woman and asked this sister to come with me and she said Yes!  However, the brother who boarded with us asked her to come with him to Mary - also a new Bible study.  She said yes to him also - not realizing both studies were at the same time!   Poor sister, she didn't know what to do!

Well, the brother (my close friend, btw) suggested we all go together in a car group - he drove.   He knew I was in love - he was not in love with her but with another sister.  We had a little boy in the car group as a fourth person.

Well, my friend decides at the appointed time to go to Mary first and tells me to wait in the car and if Mary had her study then I could take the boy on my study.   

I was so upset - I prayed (silently) to Jehovah - why are you letting me go through this - why?  why?.

That's when I met Mary - I came in - fuming mad - said a quick stern hi! to Mary and asked my friend if the study was on or off.   It was on - I turned and left fuming mad!

Well, both studies worked out - mine was very nice but did not come in the truth - Mary was very nice also.

Eventually, the sister let me come on Mary's study with her - I loved every minute of it!  After many months the sister and her close friend said:  You know - Mary would be good for you!  I said back - I am in love with you - which, of course, she already knew.

Well - this sister went out west and turned over the study for a month to a pioneer sister.  When she left I checked on my beloved's Bible student and the pioneer sister had forgotten to go!  Well, I cared for my beloved's student, bringing another sister on the study.  She came with my mom and I to the district convention - she sat with me and I shared the Scriptures with her as they were cited by the speakers.

She sent a thankyou/friendship note later and that did it!  I now wanted to date Mary - but, of course, could not since she was not baptized.  The sister came back from out west and continued the study and now cautioned me to wait until she was my sister - not that she wanted to marry me herself - she was just being a good friend.

Well, Mary made progress - eventually becoming an unbaptized publisher.  We didn’t date but as always I was totally open with her as I am with everyone - she knew I liked her and she liked me - the story of my search for a wife up till then - made many good friends - but no wife!

We didn’t date - but we did enjoy the ministry together almost every day.   Our love for each other grew as we served Jehovah together.

As it became obvious when we sat together at the Kingdom Hall the elders, who were kind, counseled me to stop since Mary was not baptized.

That’s when Mary spoke up - she is normally very quiet and shy.  She went straight to the elders and told them in no uncertain terms that they did not have to worry about me with her.

I worked with one of these elders in the ministry at that time and while in the ministry he said to me - you know, Mary is an unbeliever - we shouldn’t date an unbeliever.  I responded that I knew she loved Jehovah and would be loyal and that she was a believer - just not baptized yet.

I told him - you know there are baptized sisters that really do not love Jehovah as much as Mary does - how do you know a marriage to one of them would work out?

He humbly agreed and while cautioning me appropriately, also understood.  [Later that elder’s wife was disfellowshiped and eventually after trying, the marriage ended in a Scriptural divorce.]

Around that time I asked Mary if she was dedicated yet (in private prayer to Jehovah, of course).  She was in November, 1981.  Then it was that I actually told her completely how I felt about her - and asked if she felt the same way.  She answered that she would always be my friend.  That relieved me so much because it had been such a struggle to stay friends with the previous sisters I had been in love with.   One even said she couldn’t be a friend with me because I wanted to marry her!  Thankfully that was only one that responded that way - I am thankful to the many who stayed friends with me.

Well - December passed, January, February - still no circuit assembly for her to be baptized at.  March, April - I couldn’t wait!  So the sister helped us find a convention in Manhattan and Mary was baptized there in May.  I proposed to her that night and she accepted.  We courted for 2 months and were married in July 1982.

I still remember the tearful supplication and the immediate answer when my friend took the sister to her study (Mary) instead of letting me take her to my study and I cried out to Jehovah (silently) - why are you letting me go through this!   And I remembered my tearful prayers at the funeral parlor across the street from where Mary lived, my future beloved wife whom I had not met and who had not been called on yet.

I remembered and I now knew Jehovah is the hearer of prayers - but the answer may not be what we think is best - it will be what Jehovah knows is best.

Remember, I had been praying for a wife for 10 years - it was only after supplicating with tears and pleading that my prayer was answered - and I had to show unselfish, loyal love for that prayer to be answered that way, btw.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 04, 2008 - 7:21PM #7
marken
Posts: 3,706
Well,  I  can' t do you much  good.   I have  been married  to  the  same man  for going on 55 years  now  and I likely live too  far  away to  recommend  any one  I know.   My only question to you  is--What is the difference  between you  and  the  one's you mention in point nine?  Just  interested.
I have  come  to one  conclusion  since  I have  been  a  witness(a Over forty years) and that is  very few  marriages  are  directed  from  heaven.   I have  seen ones  marry others  that I  thought(none of my business, so  I  don't  say)  that  they were  doomed  to failure and they are  still married  and others  that  seemed  to  be  based on  good  decisions  that  failed.   
since you  say  you have  been  married  and  divorced, you likely know  about things  that I  do  not. 
with  affection  from  Marken
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 10:45AM #8
Nomi69
Posts: 6,731
[QUOTE=marken;804099]Well,  I  can' t do you much  good.   I have  been married  to  the  same man  for going on 55 years  now  and I likely live too  far  away to  recommend  any one  I know.   My only question to you  is--What is the difference  between you  and  the  one's you mention in point nine?  Just  interested.
I have  come  to one  conclusion  since  I have  been  a  witness(a Over forty years) and that is  very few  marriages  are  directed  from  heaven.   I have  seen ones  marry others  that I  thought(none of my business, so  I  don't  say)  that  they were  doomed  to failure and they are  still married  and others  that  seemed  to  be  based on  good  decisions  that  failed.   
since you  say  you have  been  married  and  divorced, you likely know  about things  that I  do  not. 
with  affection  from  Marken[/QUOTE]


Even being Witnesse's does not gurantee a lasting match.  I may make it more likely, but I have seen quite a few dimises over the years among Witnesses as well. So it is still down to a question mark as to who will and who won't survive all the stuff married partners go thru. I have no desire to marry again. I know I have virtually nothing to offer in marriage at this late date. With health issues to try and survive daily, I figure I best wait for the New Order, and better health. I do think marriage is a wonderful "gift" from Jehovah. AND it comes down to what the two parties involved are willing to put into it. That is the "secret" to a good, and workable marriage.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 5:33PM #9
anzertree
Posts: 992
[QUOTE=Obb;797950]Hello all,

First time posting. I've been following these forums for awhile now (about a year or so) but I don't think anyone has covered this topic.  Briefly, I would like to describe myself.  I live in a metropolitan area in the USA. I'm in my early 30's, baptized, recently divorced (scripturally free and in good standing), have a good job, considered (handsome/good looking by others), am a nice guy (treat others with respect and am friendly with all), fun, reasonably intelligent, eclectic, enjoy traveling, dress well, live a simple yet comfortable life, exercise often, and eat extremely healthy. I make most meetings and go out in service.  I'd say I'm a pretty normal guy with a balanced view of life in this system.  I'm not perfect by any means, but am working towards small yet reachable spiritual goals. 

I have a question that I'm hoping someone can answer.  I want to be clear that I’m being serious and not writing this as a joke.   

What is it with dating women in the truth?  I'm trying to find what I would consider a ‘normal’ spiritually balanced sister and it is proving difficult. Now while I haven't been looking for a long time and most of my dating experience has been with Gen X sisters (25 to 30 years old), of the ones I've come across, there are types that I can unfortunately classify into buckets.  This may come off as brash but I think I need to air my thoughts.

I know these are probably unfair sweeping generalizations, but this has been my experience.   

1) The Pioneer Sister - While having the best intentions by pioneering sometimes this person comes across  as self righteous, and may look at you as being 'spiritually weak' if you are not a pioneer or pursuing  this goal actively.  This person seems to place your congregational responsibilities as ‘marriage criteria’ above all else.  While I believe spiritual considerations are crucial and important, it would make sense to look at the overall picture of a person.  I've seen marriages in the truth end because the sister went for 'The MS or Elder' and did not fall in love with the actual person. 
   
2) The Woman with unreasonable expectations - This sister wants a man to work for her.  The guy to fix the house, fix the car, to cook, mow the lawn, clean the house, to drive the kids to/fro, to be the bread winner, to be a GQ model, to own a business making 100k+ a year, to be an elder or ministerial servant, the sperm donor for her future child, and to be able to lift a car off the ground with one hand etc.. etc..  Oh, and if you have some time...  why not pioneer? 

3) The Baby Craver - This dear sister wants a baby bad.  She's the one that plays with all the babies in the hall.  To add to it, others encourage her to get married and have one of her own.  Are these women nuts? We are so close to the end... why not just wait until the new system to have as many as you want?  (God willing).  There are so many issues to take into account.  Cost of the newborn and raising the child, mass quantities of time in a world where spare time is rare, the worry of birth defects, the worry of sickness, the worry during the great tribulation, hoping they will stay in the truth, etc...  How about just waiting.. Ok?  Is it so much to ask?

4) The Nut Jobs - These women are crazy.  Not from an overly zealous perspective, but in a super big eyed, call the guys with the white coats kind of way.  You cannot make heads or tails of their rationale.  They should come with a stamp on their forehead that says "Send to Sanitarium".  Consistently reinforces the fact that we need the end more than ever.   

5) The Ultra Quiet - Usually not having much of a personality.  Barely talks, and then runs out of the hall as soon as it ends.  Shyness to the extreme and usually dresses very plainly.  While I understand modesty is important in dress, at least try to care about your appearance a bit and associate with a few people.   

6) The In and Outs - Come to the meetings every so often.  May or may not have kids.  Have been DF'd once or many times.  Usually have a stressed out or used/abused look on their face.  Knowing full well, that if you get involved with them, you're in for trouble in one way or another.   

7) The Divorced mothers - Desperate and among other things looking for a replacement father.  Enough said on this one.

8) The Waiters - The ones that want to get married but are holding out for "something better" while they watch their youthful years wither away.  There is one sister in the hall that is in her sixties because she held out so long.  Her chances for marriage in this system seem next to nil.   

9) Damaged Goods - Those who have chosen to exit the marriage bond by scripturally breaking it.  Some of these in fact have the audacity to be extremely picky about whom they date and consider themselves as being a 'choice' selection.  They also may have serious emotional baggage and trust issues.  My thought is, once you have done something like that.. You need to be flexible on who you date.  It's not like brothers are going to be flocking to you after that.  I know there are plenty of circumstances around and why marriages end that way (abuse, trust, etc..) but still. 

10) The Hottie – Too good for anyone (in their mind).  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200. 

11) The Drama Queen – Gossip is her middle name and much drama is found in this one.  Stay away or be consumed.

Some of the abovementioned can be combined to form psychotic combos of which are truly frustrating.   Also, I see instances of disrespect and a general sense of being owed something.  Another common trait is the games.  Why play games? I recently had a sister tell me “Make me work for your attention”.  What? You’re kidding me right?  Are we in middle school? *sigh* I know we are living in the last days, but what is going on?   

It seems that the best ones are already taken (given to marriage between the age of 18-23 due to either  wanting to get out of the house early and/or wanting sexual relief). 

Is it too much to ask for a sane balanced woman (spiritually), kind, loyal, and loving with a mutual attraction?  Everyone talks about the ratio of single sisters to single brothers (more available sisters so they say).  I'm just not seeing it.

I honestly don't feel like I am being picky because those are some BIG hurdles.  I'm very tempted to look for a sister out of the country or even older than I would normally consider.  I'm not feeling it with the emotional/mental instability of single sisters in the United States within my age bracket.     

Any suggestions?  I know I can't be the only person who has gone through/currently going through this.[/QUOTE]

WOW, this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Now my mind is permanently scarred. I will be unable to meet new women now without subconsciously wondering what category they're in, ROFL. Wow, I wonder what "guy" category I'm in....

A sister should make one of these lists for the guys now. That would be hilarious. Thanks for heads up, bro! LOL

My favorite one is number 2. The Woman with unreasonable expectations. To be able to lift a car off the ground with one hand. My uncle can do that! I always wondered why it was so easy for him to meet women. Now I know. That dude is like a super hero. And he has a temper too. If he got mad at me I would throw myself out the window! Allow me, sir
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 07, 2008 - 9:02AM #10
southerngirl1
Posts: 58
anzertree ... you've made my day!  I'm going to give it some thought and make a list of goodies to watch out for in the available brothers.
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