Post Reply
Page 2 of 3  •  Prev 1 2 3 Next
7 years ago  ::  Mar 27, 2008 - 12:15AM #11
MissShaunaMae
Posts: 2
I am also having issues with my boyfriend's family.  They consider themselves Christian, but they are very hypocritical about what they preach to the boyfriend.  They seem to simply be ignorant to anything non-Christian, which in my opinion is the hardest to get past when it comes to prejudice.  To be honest, this is the first time I have come across such a strong hatred for me just because of my spiritual affiliation.  I'm not sure how to handle them.  My boyfriend accepts me for all that I am and am not... but his family is another story.  Advice?
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 27, 2008 - 2:01AM #12
tameless_heart
Posts: 2,084
Advice? I'd say if the boy is worth it, the family will get used to the idea, or shun you. It took a very long time for my stepdad's family to accept my mother- a very long time, and she even converted to Catholocism for them and that wasn't enough. If it becomes more than youc an handle, then you'll have to either run away with the boyfriend to Jamaica and never come back, or go on another path without him...

relationships suck sometimes. *sniffle* Wish I could be mroe help to you. Welcome to the boards by the way.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 27, 2008 - 12:38PM #13
Sercher
Posts: 30
Alex knows and completely accepts me. It's one reason I love him.:) He's not pagan but it may be a good thing not to have too many tarot cards to rely on.

It is his family I worry about. His brother and sister-in-law for especially. They've become good friends, but are very devout. Maybe this won't work out, I don't know. But if it doesn't I don't want it to be because of a personal religious preference.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 28, 2008 - 3:48PM #14
Al_Jaeger
Posts: 593
Heck, why even mention it to the parents? It is not their business. If you even say "I am not Christian", they will drill you forever and question you so subtly until they find out.
If they ask if I am christian, I say that I was raised in a catholic family. I further say I haven't been to church for a while. No lies!
If someone asks me if I believe in God, I say yes. If someone asks if Jesus is my savior, I say that I love Jesus.
What I am saying is keep your faith to yourself and share it only with those that you trust and love.
My parents never knew nor does my in-laws. Only my wife and BN buddies know I am Pagan.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 06, 2008 - 6:28AM #15
BearHeart
Posts: 53
[QUOTE=Sercher;384003]I'm perfectly willing to go. I have in fact. The thing that worries me is what happens when they find out I'm not "uncommon" but out right pagan. I'm willing to do all the niceties but I'm not one of them. If the BF and I DO work out neither of us are going to raise Catholic kids (he's agnostic)and that also will bug them, or likely do so. I'm just not sure how to tread here.[/QUOTE]

i still feel rather uneasy around churches, knowing that for the most part i am unwelcome in them being both bisexual and pagan.

do you know if the church he attends is liberal at all? i have been to several liberal catholic churches at the urging of certain friends (not out of a desire to convert me, but from a need for company during a holiday they are spending away from their family for the first time) and there was no issue. Although, it really depends on his family. the best i can say at this point other than tread lightly is best of luck to you both.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 06, 2008 - 9:37AM #16
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496
I really don't think this is their business, unless the two of you are getting married.  And even then...


*shrugs*

Don't worry about it. My in-laws know I'm pagan, but my in-laws think organized religion is bovine excrement, so it's not something I worried about sharing with them.  But I don't go out of my way to tell everyone, because I live in the Bible belt, and have had my share of run-ins with Christian folk. My bruised have taught me I wouldn't like it if things got worse. 
My advice is to not share, if sharing is going to put you in the hospital. 


I am not kidding about that.  Really, I'm not.
Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 06, 2008 - 9:58AM #17
Gandalf_Parker
Posts: 1,188
The problem with being clear from the beginning is that you shut doors which do not need to be shut. Many people are christian who hearing the word pagan might say "I dont need that added to the mix" but they arent SO christian that it would have been a problem if it came up later after meeting you.

And I admit that I have abit of the same in reverse. If someone mentions on their profile, or right off the bat when meeting them, that they are christian then I take it for granted that they are mentioning it because its going to be a big deal. They are going to evangelize their religion. So I figure that other people feel the same if I mention pagan on my profile. That Im saying "this is so central to me that if you dont agree then you might as well back off". Im not saying "if you have a problem then backoff" which is what I MEAN to say. But the impression is "if you dont AGREE then backoff". (If thats the impression you want to give then fine)

Personally Ive found it better to ask for religious tolerance, or just say "open minded". People are more open to that than an apparently in-your-face religious choice.

My link of Hot or Not dating site
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=RQOEBSK&key=RLT
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 06, 2008 - 10:53AM #18
Redfrog777
Posts: 2,136
I would offer that you clearly state what you are and what you believe. If the boyfriend is worth his salt there won’t be an issue. If his family don’t agree and/or accept you for who you are…..well, its their loss.

Don’t get me wrong; I ain’t suggesting all god, guns, guts and glory. But when the time is right and it comes up again (you know that it will come up again). Just state clearly what you believe and possibly why. And just hold your space. See what happens?
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 06, 2008 - 12:30PM #19
Dromahair
Posts: 559
[QUOTE=Gandalf_Parker;481001]The problem with being clear from the beginning is that you shut doors which do not need to be shut. Many people are christian who hearing the word pagan might say "I dont need that added to the mix" but they arent SO christian that it would have been a problem if it came up later after meeting you. [/QUOTE]

Of course that only works if they are 'that' kind of christian.

You can just as easily find yourself in a situation where people are justifiably upset because they think you have misrepresented yourself.  You can be up-front and honest about your beliefs without being "in your face" about them.  I believe that an honest approach is likely to earn more respect in the long term.  Deceiving people while at the same time trying to earn their trust is a little counterproductive, if you ask me.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 12:17AM #20
Sercher
Posts: 30
And therein lies the fear.  I think they know I'm not Catholic, and I can always claim to be Unitarian.

I adore them, they are good people. I don't want to mess this up.
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 2 of 3  •  Prev 1 2 3 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook