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6 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2008 - 7:55PM #1
Sercher
Posts: 30
I am quite sure that many here have been through this. And I would like input.

My BF and I are not "serious" but not far from it. The has become an issue that his parents who invite the two of us over regularly also invite us to go to church with them. The entire family is Catholic and has been for sometime. I'm not sure how they will respond to me, though they like me so far.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 1:18AM #2
tameless_heart
Posts: 2,084
I'm having a similar conundrum only not as extreme... my new beau is not a practising Mormon, but there is still enough of it there that "unnerves" me at time, since his family is what we like to call "jack mormon". He knows that I am not Christian and I've given mine a few details about my faith, but I have not put a name to it. We've come to the agreement that religion is between a person and the divine, and that he will not ask me to go church and will ask his family to refrain....so, when they ask you to go to church, explain gently that you are not Christian, but you do have a strong faith that does not require you to attend a church...if it is important to them that you go, I suggest it every now and then for future peace. What can it hurt really?
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 3:08AM #3
Sercher
Posts: 30
I'm perfectly willing to go. I have in fact. The thing that worries me is what happens when they find out I'm not "uncommon" but out right pagan. I'm willing to do all the niceties but I'm not one of them. If the BF and I DO work out neither of us are going to raise Catholic kids (he's agnostic)and that also will bug them, or likely do so. I'm just not sure how to tread here.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 1:02PM #4
tameless_heart
Posts: 2,084
Very lightly...tread very lightly. If you anticipate a negative reaction, I'd wait. I'm not a big advocate of hiding, but i"m good at dancing around questions... just tell them yiou're "spiritual but not religious" or some such thing...I myself haven't used the label "pagan" because I think it's too early to explain exactly what that means with my boy.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 5:37PM #5
ClearGreen
Posts: 29
I sense a very big problem arrising in MY future, when it comes to dating.  My family still believes that I am fully Christian, when I no longer can personally admit that.  I still go to a Christian church because I play the bass for the music.  If someone started to become interested in me, . . . . how long would it be before they realized that I was not on "the same page as them", spiritually?   I can't openly just date a pagan person either, though, because . . . . . well, it is just very complicated with my family . . . . who are mostly Christian, some pretty devout, . . . .other than my oldest brother and his wife, who are witches.  They'd understand and would be happy, but it would be a diffucult experience either way.  {:-(
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 6:24PM #6
Dromahair
Posts: 559
In the end you have to do what's right for you and let everyone else worry about themselves.  If you can get along fine keeping things under wraps - go for it.  But just understand that the longer you drag it out the more hoops your going to have to jump through - all so that others are not discomforted.

For the longest time I took the path of least resistance and just avoided the mention of anything spiritual or religious where family was concerned.  When forced to discuss those topics I would approach them from the most oblique angle possible.  Finally, I decided I'd had enough of that.  Omitting the truth is every bit as much a lie as if I just pretended to be a Christian.  I'd rather be honest than popular.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 7:14PM #7
Feinics
Posts: 2,539
Id like to add that theres a difference however subtle, between being wanting to do justice to yer beliefs by discussing them at an appropriate time and treating  yer beliefs as if they are something to be ashamed off. i learned this the hard way. Im a private person about many a thing and didnt really discuss my spirituality dancing around it partially because it was so important to me and partially because i hadnt quite gotten a grasp on them myself yet ultimately I ended up regretting not being more open about how I feel in previous relationships because I was essentially ignoring a huge everyday part of who I am.  If you treat something as wierd other people will follow suit. The minute I started treating my beliefs as they were, truly a part of me just like anything else about me take it or leave it I was much happier and in fairness to my evil ex,:) no matter what his preconceptions he took the pagan part of me in his stride! Im still figuring this out in terms of my friends however its harder to change old relationship patterns then starting off on a fresh page with someone!
Im going through a similar and yet totally different situation with re-entering the world of dating worrying about will a fella really want to take on a chronically ill person but iv realised in the last few days thats who I am now, and like the rest of the strangeness that comes with me, you take it or leave!  just my 2 cents.. be true to yerself at all times, thats the most important thing, and its not always easy but i think I'd rather be totally alone as myself then be surrounded by people living a lie! thats my babble for the day!
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 7:28PM #8
Gwyddion9
Posts: 320
Sercher,
I agree with Dromahair, do what’s right by you and let everyone else worry about themselves. I’ve also been trying to find someone but haven’t been very successful.
I’ve tried an online dating/meeting site. I have put in my profile that I am Wiccan. Many individuals have chosen not to date, let alone speak to me because I’m Wiccan. I figure that I’m going to be honest about it as my faith is an intrical part of my life and I’m not ashamed of it. The older I get, I begin to see that if you have to sacrifice what you truly are to have someone, like or love you, the only person you are hurting is yourself. I understand that it’s not always easy to tell the person of your faith but the idea of a relationship is to be able to share all facets of your life. It can be uncomfortable to bring the subject up but you owe it to yourself. The idea of a relationship is to strengthen that bond, as a couple and for you. You should not have to diminish yourself in order to make the other comfortable with you, imo. That special person is there, trust in the Gods.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss


Let My Worship be within the heart that rejoiceth, for behold: all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you. Charge of the Goddess
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 7:14PM #9
Feinics
Posts: 2,539
Id like to add that theres a difference however subtle, between being wanting to do justice to yer beliefs by discussing them at an appropriate time and treating  yer beliefs as if they are something to be ashamed off. i learned this the hard way. Im a private person about many a thing and didnt really discuss my spirituality dancing around it partially because it was so important to me and partially because i hadnt quite gotten a grasp on them myself yet ultimately I ended up regretting not being more open about how I feel in previous relationships because I was essentially ignoring a huge everyday part of who I am.  If you treat something as wierd other people will follow suit. The minute I started treating my beliefs as they were, truly a part of me just like anything else about me take it or leave it I was much happier and in fairness to my evil ex,:) no matter what his preconceptions he took the pagan part of me in his stride! Im still figuring this out in terms of my friends however its harder to change old relationship patterns then starting off on a fresh page with someone!
Im going through a similar and yet totally different situation with re-entering the world of dating worrying about will a fella really want to take on a chronically ill person but iv realised in the last few days thats who I am now, and like the rest of the strangeness that comes with me, you take it or leave!  just my 2 cents.. be true to yerself at all times, thats the most important thing, and its not always easy but i think I'd rather be totally alone as myself then be surrounded by people living a lie! thats my babble for the day!
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 26, 2008 - 7:28PM #10
Gwyddion9
Posts: 320
Sercher,
I agree with Dromahair, do what’s right by you and let everyone else worry about themselves. I’ve also been trying to find someone but haven’t been very successful.
I’ve tried an online dating/meeting site. I have put in my profile that I am Wiccan. Many individuals have chosen not to date, let alone speak to me because I’m Wiccan. I figure that I’m going to be honest about it as my faith is an intrical part of my life and I’m not ashamed of it. The older I get, I begin to see that if you have to sacrifice what you truly are to have someone, like or love you, the only person you are hurting is yourself. I understand that it’s not always easy to tell the person of your faith but the idea of a relationship is to be able to share all facets of your life. It can be uncomfortable to bring the subject up but you owe it to yourself. The idea of a relationship is to strengthen that bond, as a couple and for you. You should not have to diminish yourself in order to make the other comfortable with you, imo. That special person is there, trust in the Gods.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss


Let My Worship be within the heart that rejoiceth, for behold: all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you. Charge of the Goddess
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