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Switch to Forum Live View marrying a non-Witness, disfellowshipping, ect.
5 years ago  ::  Jul 27, 2009 - 9:05AM #21
Goodtobehomestill
Posts: 6,583

Dearest sister, let go of your guilt.


Our circuit overseer stressed with us recently that for Jehovah, forgiving sins is like hitting the delete button on a hard drive... it can't print out that 'list' anymore if it is deleted!  If Jehovah isn't holding that mistake over your head, and he isn't! you can trust me on that!  (Made the same mistake WHILE disfellowshipped ten years ago, so it is a subject I know from the inside...) stop holding it over your own.  You're forgiven.  Completely.  No part of your daily life is an apology for past mistakes.  Jehovah is a positive God of Joy and Love and he wants you to radiate only Joy and Love to your mate.  You made a mistake.. doesn't mean your marriage is a mistake automatically, maybe Jehovah has big plans for it.  Your feelings of guilt limit his plans, you know.  You are allowed and even encouraged to love your mate with a whole heart.  My life got so much more peaceful and my marriage much more positive as I trained myself not to think of my 'mistake' (which God has put behind him and 'deleted') but to focus on making the most positive thing out of what exists right now in this moment.   If you view your marriage as an error, it colors your view of your husband.. if the marriage is a mistake then at least in some small way, he is a mistake.  And he sounds like a great guy!


Jer 29:11 is my current favorite scripture. 




(Jeremiah29:11-12) 11 "'For I myself well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward YOU,' is the utterance of Jehovah, 'thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give YOU a future and a hope. 12 And YOU will certainly call me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to YOU.'


Jehovah has thoughts of you that involve the future.  Thoughts that involve the future are called PLANS.  He has plans for you.  Guilt doesn't align you with God's plans for you, but Hope does! 


 


hugs


 




 

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”
― Epictetus

Life is like photography, you need a clear lens, and the picture you get depends on what you focus on.


Anger stems from irrational beliefs about others, anxiety stems from irrational beliefs about yourself.---Spencer Lord, The Brain Mechanic
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5 years ago  ::  Jul 27, 2009 - 10:24AM #22
Bunnyone
Posts: 3

That was a really lovely thing to say, I hadn't thought of it like that before, you have made me feel better - Thank you so much.


I wish I was there to give you a  sisterly hug Smile


David is a wonderful man - He even hates birthdays and christmas so I don't have any problems with  not being involved any worldly celebrations either. There seems to be more people around that hate those celebrations without being religious now.


We both have a great deal of physical illnesses to deal with, and we lost our home and jobs through it, but with all the stress we have never once in 6 years raised our voices or had an argument with each other, he is such a gentle person. I keep trying to sow bible seeds in hope one of them will sprout in his heart, he would make a wonderful brother.


Anyway once again, thank you for your kind words


Debs

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5 years ago  ::  Jul 27, 2009 - 10:36AM #23
Goodtobehomestill
Posts: 6,583

I consider myself hugged and hug you back!


My husband gives me no resistance either, it is a real blessing.  Good for you for seeing your husband as God does, through the lens of his potential.  I am blessed you are my sister, and treasure your positive spirit!

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”
― Epictetus

Life is like photography, you need a clear lens, and the picture you get depends on what you focus on.


Anger stems from irrational beliefs about others, anxiety stems from irrational beliefs about yourself.---Spencer Lord, The Brain Mechanic
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5 years ago  ::  Aug 10, 2009 - 3:17AM #24
Bobiejay
Posts: 26

This really confuses me. The bible says that God is love. People know that we are his followers by the love we show to others. Why are so many JW parents verbally abusive to their children and are not very affectionate toward them?


I am not making this up. A man joined my church after being disfellowshipped from JWs for dating outside of the faith. He said that his mother severed all ties with him when he was disfellowshipped. He is 27 years old and his mother never hugged him and told him that she loved him. His friends used to discuss how their mothers were cold and withdrawn. How can you teach the love of God, if you can't even show it to your own children?

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 05, 2009 - 2:02AM #25
Tellyy
Posts: 1

what people failed to understand is that when a person is disfellowshiped that does not mean that the family of the person does not love him,they love their son,but they got to follow what the  bible says about treating a disfellowshiped person. you could have only contacts with him if hes doing business or if its a legit emergency.we're not that cruel.Cool

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2009 - 8:04PM #26
Cassie144000
Posts: 37

The Watchtower Society does not easily forgive a witness that marries a non-witness as this quote illustrates.




***


w86 11/15 pp. 27-28 Are You Looking for a Partner in Life?

***




 


But how can you say that?' someone may ask. 'I know a brother who did not marry a fellow worshiper, and now they are both serving Jehovah.' True, in a few cases matters have worked out that way, and we are glad that both mates are now "walking in the truth." (3 John 4) Nevertheless, the brother who married an unbaptized person was disobedient. Will that independent spirit surface once again? Might he be tempted to think he knows better than God and thus disregard Bible counsel and trust in his own wisdom in yet another situation? We are encouraged to 'trust in Jehovah with all our heart.' (Proverbs 3:5) That implies submissive compliance with the divine will in all things. So we should want to develop an obedient heart, one meeting the test of obedience even in small things. (Luke 16:10) If we disobey God, what kind of pattern are we developing? The brother who did not 'marry in the Lord' probably now recognizes his mistake in doing things his own way and has sought Jehovah's forgiveness. But is that how you want to initiate your marriage?

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2009 - 8:46PM #27
Goodtobehomestill
Posts: 6,583

Learning to submit our will to God's is basically a life-long endeavor in this imperfect flesh.


But God expects us to do the best we can with each situation we find ourselves in, or have put ourselves into, and if we turn to him, he will certainly do his best to help us.


(Cassie may be finding herself in the wrong forum, this is the JW faith forum after all.)

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”
― Epictetus

Life is like photography, you need a clear lens, and the picture you get depends on what you focus on.


Anger stems from irrational beliefs about others, anxiety stems from irrational beliefs about yourself.---Spencer Lord, The Brain Mechanic
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5 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2009 - 10:13AM #28
humbly.search.for.truth
Posts: 326

First of all, marrying a non-believer is not a disfellowshipping act.  Fornication (pornea) IS forbidding as plain as day from God's Word, the Bible.  For a good detailed description of this, you might read the thread "a condemned practice" which outlines very well the Bible's firm stand on this matter.  By the way, it was written by someone who is NOT a JW, yet seems to recognize and appreciate the Bible's wise council in this regard.  


I personally have known those within our congregation who have chosen to marry someone who isn't a believer and doesn't share the same views and lifestyle choices as we do. The result?  Many (but not all) end up slowing down in their zealousness.  It is gradual.  They slow down in such things as their personal Bible study, prayer, meeting attendance, active participation at meetings, etc.  Then, their views gravitate towards their newly chosen mate.  Some even just completely fade away completely.  This is not the case always by any means.  There are a few who happen to make it work.  But those ones will tell you that it isn't always easy and can be an uphill battle in many ways.  Even if that one doesn't oppose your meeting attendance, who is there to 'build you up' as your mate? Encourage you to keep your faith when times are tough?  Living a life as a Witness is a lifestyle, not just a one hour Sunday morning activity.  We strive to live our lives according to the Bible.  


I personally spend a great deal of time with my wife when I am not working and taking care of other matters.  When we are home together, I work hard at devoting time to build up my household.  We talk about our beliefs and what we read from our bible reading (in fact we usually read and study together).  We talk about how we can apply the words we read in our lives, whether it be action needed on our part or just an adjustment needed with our viewpoint on certain matters.  Now, what if I didn't marry someone who shares my beliefs?  What would we talk about then?  Most of that strong bond we have would be severed or at least not nearly as strong.  Why would I create such a vulnerability for myself regarding my faith??  Food for thought.


Nevertheless, as stated above marrying a non-believer is not a disfellowshipping offense and there is no one who will need to "forgive."  There is nothing to "forgive."  Each one must carry our own load.  However, for good reason marrying a non-believer is certainly not recommended!


A few scriptures quickly come to mind:


(1 Corinthians 7:39) "...marry only in the lord." 


 


(2 Corinthians 6:14-15) 14 Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? 15 Further, what harmony is there between Christ and Be′li·al? Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? 


Oh, and then there is the example of the Israelites who were warned not to associate themselves with the neighboring Moabites.  See Exodus 34:12-15 below.  Your association can certain have a profound affect on your life and persuade you to do and believe things you never thought you would ever do.



(Exodus 34:12-15) . . .Watch yourself that you do not conclude a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to which you are going, for fear it may prove itself a snare in your midst. 13 But their altars YOU people are to pull down, and their sacred pillars YOU are to shatter, and their sacred poles YOU are to cut down. 14 For you must not prostrate yourself to another god, because Jehovah, whose name is Jealous, he is a jealous God; 15 for fear that you may conclude a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, as they will certainly have immoral intercourse with their gods and sacrifice to their gods, and someone will be certain to invite you, and you will certainly eat some of his sacrifice. 


GTBHS is correct though.  Cassie seemed to have meandered into the JW forum by mistake. This needs to be respected...please.



 

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2009 - 9:59AM #29
Cassie144000
Posts: 37

No, if you check my profile, I am a witness and probably one longer than you have lived.  Interesting how you address me in the third person, seeming to trivalize me and what I posted.  I know of several sisters who had that very information read to them by elders who said that because they deliberately disobeyed God, they could never be completely trusted again.


 

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2009 - 6:05PM #30
humbly.search.for.truth
Posts: 326

Cassie14400: "No, if you check my profile, I am a witness and probably one longer than you have lived."


Humbly: "What is the point of such comment about your length of time as a JW? How do you know my age anyway? I don't remember disclosing that information."


Cassie14400: "...seeming to trivalize me and what I posted."


Humbly: "No intent to "trivialize" any comment from anyone. I was merely speaking to the group in general. That bothers you? If so, I am truly sorry. No maliciousness intended."


Cassie14400: "I know of several sisters who had that very information read to them by elders who said that because they deliberately disobeyed God, they could never be completely trusted again."


Humbly14400: "What is your opinion of those (man or woman) who decide to marry someone who does not share our beliefs? Wise? Unwise? Doesn't matter? In my opinion if a person is serious about their beliefs, wanting to live each day by such standards, it is unwise to marry someone who has opposite or conflicting goals. Agree? Disagree? That goes for any faith, not just JW. Your comment that "they could never be completely trusted again" doesn't seem to be a fair one. The point that the article is trying to get across is that we should choose our mates wisely. Marriage is forever in God's eyes and only allows one scriptural reason for divorce. Still he hates a divorce. Separation is permitted under severe guidelines also based on the Bible.  For example, no one is expected to stay living with an extreme abusive individual.


You posted this comment: "The Watchtower Society does not easily forgive a witness that marries a non-witness as this quote illustrates." The "Watchtower Society" is a legal corporation there to legally complete the work that we do. They are our brothers and sisters just like anyone else. Why are they involved in your comment? The article you posted (when read in its entirety) brings out some very good points, and scriptures that apply. Do you not agree with the scriptures cited? (ie 1 Corinthians 7:39; Deuteronomy 7:3,4). It is the BIBLE's council to "marry only in the lord" NOT the WTS. Do you agree with that scriptural council? Do you agree that there is a measure of disobedience or disregard to the scriptural admonition to 'marry only in the lord'?


My intent here, Cassie, is not to bring you down. I am merely trying to help you to see your comment the way GTBH and myself, along with others who might interpret your comment. Could we perhaps be a little more positive? Upbuilding? If you have had a bad experience with an elder or two, then could you perhaps resolve that with that individual(s) involved and not make a generalized, blanket statement directed to the WTS on an open forum such as this? We all reap what we sow. This does not mean that we are "not ever forgiven."


Suggestion: (if you are open for suggestions) is to restate your sentence in a more constructive and less all-inclusive way. Perhaps identifying yourself as one of Jehovah's Witnesses in your post would be nice. Every now and then we do actually have a non-believer (or former JW) post here and voice a comment that can easily be interpretted the wrong way or is outright offensive. I have no idea who you are. Also, the non-verbal communication is missing when communicating online. All we see are words, so we need to choose them wisely so as not to stumble others.


Why not rephrase your comment in another way. For example, "From my experience as a JW, I have observed some who seem to..." Including absolute terminology doesn't always season your words with salt and we are not sure of your intent. I am sure you must have good intentions, but sometimes it is not too clear when reading words online. Again, I am sorry if I put you down in any way. Please accept it. Our goal should be to be positive and upbuilding with one another. Point blank comments are not productive, but destructive, and I believe that is how we are viewing your comments at first glance.


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