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6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 8:10PM #1
shew
Posts: 3
Repost from Islam forum...

My boyfriend and I have been dating over 2 years. He's Muslim (NOI) and I'm Christian. We're very closely integrated into each other's lives and have both talked about a future together. We've always discussed the idea of me converting to Islam but have taken little action. This summer, I've been reading and learning and had decided to fast during Ramadan with my boyfriend. Sounds great...

Four months ago, my boyfriend lost his job and he's been sinking into a depression ever since. He can barely pay his bills and he feels quite inferior. We've been arguing a lot during this time and both of us agreed that we were looking forward to Ramadan as a time of peace in our relationship. Then, right at the end of August, we had a big fight where he revealed to me that he needed to focus on himself and would have to 'stay away' for a bit. Since then, he's sent me a few emails with kind words and I've seen him once. He's ignoring my calls and pretty much has cut off all contact. I'm not sure what's going on. He tells me he wants to be with me when he's financially able to make it work without any definitive indication of when that will be.

Here are my questions:

1) Is it normal for someone to go into hibernation mode during Ramadan like this? Am I wrong to feel like he's back-burnered me and my feelings?

2) My instinct is to attribute his behavior to selfishness and lack of commitment to me and to break it off. Am I jumping the gun and/or being selfish myself?

3) I've been fasting the entire month. It's really hard not having him as my support system. I'm still interested in Islam and am not sure how to move forward. Would it be bad form to contact my local Imam to learn more? I've never been in a Mosque... is it not ok to just show up and start asking around?

Thanks all...

Ramadan Mubarak!
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 16, 2008 - 3:19AM #2
noblejohnali
Posts: 14
Shew,

All of us feel vulnerable and weak at times. Only God knows what's going on inside of our partners totally. What we must have is patience for ourselves & our own shortcomings, first. The patience we have for ourselves will become a supply enough to have for others, especially when the ones dearest to us do things that don't make sense.

Some may argue that one should have just as much patience as the other. Maybe, that is correct. However, no matter how you look at it, you came together for the benefits each of you gives to the other. When there are no benefits to give or receive; when the benefits we give or receive are in question, that tends to give a different light on the relationship.

In any religion, religion can sometimes overshadow common sense rather than staying to the pure & holy intentions of the message of all the books of God(Allah); for there is truth in all things if we simply look for it; it will reveal itself.



Your relationship sounds like it's in a very infantile stage. 2 years is not a long time. In this stage, there is much growing up and maturing necessary for the relationship to have a strong foundation. If your mate has found within himself something that may put your union in jeopardy, then he should come to grips with it by & with the creator. So long as he is asking the proper questions, he will receive the proper answers.

I wouldn't take his disappearing acts personally. For all of us deal with our shortcomings in a different manner. Know that he wants you to see him at his best & it will take time for him to realize that he already is the best for you...for your inquiry in this thread is proof of that.


This is not to defend any men who say one thing and do another, so long as he is constantly in your thoughts and you in his thoughts, Ramadan is making and taking it's toll. For Ramadan is not simply about prayer, reading & fasting... but Ramadan is about self-awareness. Coming into a spiritual alignment with power that cannot be found in the material world, and is there as a reminder of what God has put in us all to push forward no matter what the circumstances.


Your love for him, like so many Christians have, can give to his Islam the completion of divine power that Muslims look for during this season. For whether or not Muslims & Christians admit it or not,

To combine the "Spirit of Love" from Christianity - with the "Spirit of discipline" from Islam
makes an unbeatable combination. Unite your differences, respect each others decisions
and allow God to do the rest.


Ramadan Kareem.

love,
NJA
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 16, 2008 - 12:51PM #3
wmaousley
Posts: 129
[QUOTE=noblejohnali;763850]Shew,

All of us feel vulnerable and weak at times. Only God knows what's going on inside of our partners totally. What we must have is patience for ourselves & our own shortcomings, first. The patience we have for ourselves will become a supply enough to have for others, especially when the ones dearest to us do things that don't make sense.

Some may argue that one should have just as much patience as the other. Maybe, that is correct. However, no matter how you look at it, you came together for the benefits each of you gives to the other. When there are no benefits to give or receive; when the benefits we give or receive are in question, that tends to give a different light on the relationship.

In any religion, religion can sometimes overshadow common sense rather than staying to the pure & holy intentions of the message of all the books of God(Allah); for there is truth in all things if we simply look for it; it will reveal itself.



Your relationship sounds like it's in a very infantile stage. 2 years is not a long time. In this stage, there is much growing up and maturing necessary for the relationship to have a strong foundation. If your mate has found within himself something that may put your union in jeopardy, then he should come to grips with it by & with the creator. So long as he is asking the proper questions, he will receive the proper answers.

I wouldn't take his disappearing acts personally. For all of us deal with our shortcomings in a different manner. Know that he wants you to see him at his best & it will take time for him to realize that he already is the best for you...for your inquiry in this thread is proof of that.


This is not to defend any men who say one thing and do another, so long as he is constantly in your thoughts and you in his thoughts, Ramadan is making and taking it's toll. For Ramadan is not simply about prayer, reading & fasting... but Ramadan is about self-awareness. Coming into a spiritual alignment with power that cannot be found in the material world, and is there as a reminder of what God has put in us all to push forward no matter what the circumstances.


Your love for him, like so many Christians have, can give to his Islam the completion of divine power that Muslims look for during this season. For whether or not Muslims & Christians admit it or not,

To combine the "Spirit of Love" from Christianity - with the "Spirit of discipline" from Islam
makes an unbeatable combination. Unite your differences, respect each others decisions
and allow God to do the rest.


Ramadan Kareem.

love,
NJA[/QUOTE]


SO know I know that the NOI accepts to have non-maritial relations.

This is against Islam and written in the quran Surat An Nisa
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 17, 2008 - 8:03AM #4
noblejohnali
Posts: 14
[QUOTE=wmaousley;764422]SO now I know that the NOI accepts to have non-maritial relations.

This is against Islam and written in the quran Surat An Nisa[/QUOTE]


Just like children we see what we want to see and read what we want to read.


Allah is "Beneficent" and "Merciful" and so should we. This person does not know Islam at all, and according to her testimony, neither does her so-called fiance. People claim to be all kinds of things, but that does not stop Allah from being Merciful or Beneficial to all people, regardless of their hypocrisy.

Let's stop judging people for what they don't know, and help them on the straight path with what they do know.... then and only then will they be comfortable enough to accept Islam in it's totality.


The relationship has already been going on for 2 years. Do you honestly believe that marriage will make this relationship better? The Holy Qu'ran gives us specific instructions on how to conduct ourselves in marriage, in relationships & in general. How many relationships do you of know that have been saved by simply getting married? Not one!

So the divorces of Islam takes root far beyond the marriage itself. This is advice that has been given; this advise works as a glue beyond the gravitational pull of the world, in sickness and health, through richer or poor.

[QUOTE=noblejohnali;764422]IIn any religion, religion can sometimes overshadow common sense rather than staying to the pure & holy intentions of the message of all the books of God(Allah); for there is truth in all things if we simply look for it; it will reveal itself.[/QUOTE]


Both people are coming from a Christianic point of view, & therefore have not totally completed their process. I'm not going to discriminate against them; for doing so will kill her spirit to find Allah more comforting to her than he does. One claims to be Muslim, but is not. Her development in his absence could cause her to bring him all the way over to Islam, or cut him off altogether and start her own journey....... but one way or another, 'Everything that has a beginning has an end'.


Muslims have a very bad habbit of judging people according to what Islam teaches rather than what the person has seen, knows & experienced. This is not "Ar Raheem" (Mercy) and Muslims are not the master of the day of requittal.

No one sin is greater than another, and although in this case, sin is inevitable, Ramadan can serve as a treatment.

[QUOTE=noblejohnali;764422]To combine the "Spirit of Love" from Christianity - with the "Spirit of discipline" from Islam
makes an unbeatable combination. Unite your differences, respect each others decisions
and allow God to do the rest.[/QUOTE]


Muslims, please stop the hate.
You are not the "know it alls" of the Universe.
If you were, war would be extinct.


Let us stop warring with ourselves...let that be our best example.
Take my words and add to this solution....
don't create animosity that would put doubt in a newcomer of the faith.


Love,
NJA
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