According to Qur'an and Islamic Shariah, a man can have up to 4 wives, BUT with strict stipulations;
1. Qur'an: "If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3)
"You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)
Here are some things to ponder:
A man does NOT have to have permission or consent of the first wife, in order to marry a second one. Although it would be better for him to approach the wife and see if she wishes to remain married to him or divorce him. Allah says in Qur'an: "And for those who fear Allah, He prepares a way out, and He provides for him from the sources he could never expect"(65:2-3)
Allah also says: "And for those who fear Allah; He will make things easy for them."(65:4)
2. IF they married because he just wanted sex. Then it would be wrong to marry for that reason, UNLESS, he has a very potent sexual appetite(valid medical evidence) and feared that he would commit sin if he did not marry, THEN his marrying another woman is valid. Allah says in Qur'an: "Help ye one another in righteousness and piety."(5:2)
Even in anger, if the first wife wants what is best for her husband and brother in Islam, the two of them should behave in a righteous manner towards eachother for the sake of Allah. No one is saying that she is not hurting, and having to share her husbands love is not devestating. But if she can look past the pain and see the possible good, it will take time, but Allah will never desert her. Still he should have at least discussed the desire to marry you with his first wife. Then he would have known that she would take his kids from and would not have married you for fear of loosing them.
3. IF the first wife stated in her marital contract, that she did NOT want him to marry a second wife, and he did anyway, Then HE broke the marriage contract and was wrong in marrying another. This contract is valid as HE had to sign it in order for the marriage to be valid and that he understood his wifes wishes.
4.Choosing a young woman over and older one- [Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19). i.e. "...if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing through which Allah brings a great deal of good."
There are so many ifs, without more facts it is impossible to give more necessary thought pondering answers.
PONDER: If the first wife did not have a voice in the matter of the second marriage, but the second wife did. Why would a marriage be a secret? Should he have the blessings of the entire family?
We should try to be like the wives of the Prophet(PBUH), even they had their jealousies and tit-for tat words. But in the end, they each came to like and tolerate eachother.
Polygamy in other countries is not looked upon as hateful as it is in some places. In the West, a man marries one woman, has many mistresses, and girlfriends, and fathers many children. But in the West a man is a bigomist ONLY if he LEGALLY marries two women. If he is Muslim and married legally, marries the second Islamically, he is NOT a bigomist by western law. They just consider him a man with a mistress. In the West there are many men who have second third or fourth wives and are married for many years.
There are many women who would rather be divorced, see the man dead, see him broke and deprived of the love of his kids, than to let the husband marry a second wife. I believe(my opinion) that if a woman truly loves and fears Allah, a second wife would not bring her position down in the eyes of her husband, but would rather raise her up in high esteem for her patience, understanding and love for him. She would get to know many of the blessings Allah has for her. The man may just see what blessing he truly has as a wife.
Yet on the other hand, many women can be viscious, hateful, vengeful and cruel. This goes for the first as well as the second wife. They are only thinking of what is being taken from them. What they have to share, etc. This type of marriage may not be good for all people, but those who do find it agreeable, they are the one who succeed at it, Mashallah.
There is so much that I try to help teach the couples (especially the men) when they come for marriage counceling BEFORE marriage, to name a few things:
The man HAS to be honest with each woman. He must be willing to loose one or both of the women. He must state his true position, financially, sexually, and honestly. He should always be fair in his dealings. He must fear Allah much. If possible, he should marry women of like nature and temperment.
There is so much to POLOGAMY that people do not discuss. They hate the idea without even knowing the benefits. This is what we teach. Here are some books on the subject if you can find them, read them with an open mind and heart, and maybe at least one person can be happy with the choice that is made, for it or against it. Remember, polygamy is not the "norm" in Islam, only the exception!
BOOKS: The Concept of Polygamy by Khalid ibn Abdul Rahman Polygamy in Islaam by Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips/Jameela Jones Khurshid Ahmad, Family Life in Islam islamweb.net-Islam and Polygamy I & II
May Allah be with both you ladies, and I pray that at some point, with counceling, there can be a "comming to terms" of agreement with everybody., Inshallah. May Allah help and guide you all, Ameen!
Second wives will like the advice of others better than mine- they are very wrong- especially if you live in the US.
"Islamic" marriages must also be legal. "Islamic" wives, do not have the same rights as the legal wife. In terms of inheritance, insurance, pension etc. If your husband sits in a hospital in a life and death situation- you will be kept out, and SHE will make all the decisions. Legally, your children will be illegitimate, and you and he ARE breaking the law- which is against Islam.
Personally, I would leave with the children, and I would sue for anything and everything I could get. And I don't care if that would raise or lower me in my husbands esteem because I wouldn't care what he thinks. I would only care what Allah thinks. ANd I would have a duty to show my kids it is NOT alright to break the law, abuse the trust of marriage and treat women like posessions. I would not want my daughters to grow up thinking this treatment is ok, nor would I want my sons to have such a sinful example of a father.
It is NOT Islamic to marry a second wife because of sexual needs medical or otherwise and that is a big load of Man made twaddle.
I am so sick of all the abusive crap masquarading as Islam, I guess following all these cult like rules is easier than thinking. That is all I can figure.
the European Council for Fatwa and Research issued the following Fatwa:
"There is a consensus amongst Muslims, historically and currently, that polygamy is permissible, and that it is not allowed for a Muslim to have more than four wives at any one time. Further, that if a Muslim has two or more wives he should practice equality of provision and abode amongst them. For Allah Almighty says: “…marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.” (An-Nisa': 3)
We know of no clear evidence from the Qur'an and Sunnah, which encourages the Muslim to either keep to one wife, or to polygamy. However, it has been narrated that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whosoever had two wives and treats one of them more favorably than the other will come on the Day of Judgment bent to one side.” (Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah) This hadith warns against polygamy should the man not be able to practice equality amongst his wives."
Q. Is polygamy in Islam considered Sunnah? And what are the conditions of it? Can a man just marry a second wife for no reason as long as he has the means of support for both of them? What is the opinion of polygamy of the four madhab (Shafi'i, Hanafi, Maliki and Hanbal)?
Answer:
According to Shari'a, a Muslim male may have four wives simultaneously with the condition of maintaining equality among all his wives. Therefore, in principle, you can remarry without divorcing your wife.
However, in order to avoid bitter feelings to your present wife, you should first discuss your intentions of remarrying with wisdom. That will save you from the negative consequences fo betrayal, etc. being possibly expressed by her upon her discovering your secret remarriage.
“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).
The circumstances in which this verse was revealed illustrate the sincere teachings of Islam regarding polygamy. It was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which a significant number of Muslim men were martyred and as a consequence, many women were widowed and their children orphaned. To safeguard the new Muslim community, this just and compassionate law was revealed, and it remains in effect until the end of time.
Islam requires men to take full care of the orphan's interests and property, but if they felt that they could not do justice to them as custodians, then they were advised to marry other women, up to a maximum of four.
Also, the Qur’an conditioned the permissibility of marrying more than one wife with justice and fair treatment. It is a grave sin to treat the wives unequally. Any man who wishes to take a second wife also has to meet the important condition of fair treatment of all his wives. The verse quoted above includes the command to treat wives equally, and anyone who is unable to do so should marry only one wife.
Equal treatment includes all social, economical and physical needs. It is very difficult for human beings to be completely fair, a fact which is recognised by the Qur’an:
“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)... (Surah al-Nisa, 129).
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:
“A man who marries more than one woman and then does not deal justly with them will be resurrected with half his faculties paralysed” (Sahih al-Bukhari).
However, this refers to aspects that are within the capacity of a man such as equal treatment with regards to social, economical and physical needs. As far as the inclination of the heart is concerned, then that is beyond the capacity of a man.
There is much wisdom why men have been given the permission to polygamy. I would just like to mention a few:
2) It is a known fact that there are more women than men and that they have a longer life. More men die due to wars and other incidents. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.
If we restricted men to having only one wife, then there would be many women without husbands. Especially, when a woman is divorced or she becomes a widow, at times it is very difficult for her to remarry. In permitting polygamy, there is a solution to this problem. These women will have someone to look after their social and economic needs.
2) At times, the wife is incapable of procreating and the husband desires to have children. Polygamy can also serve as a solution to this problem.
3) Some men are not satisfied with one woman. Recognising this need of a man, Islam permitted them to marry more than one wife, rather than falling into the trap of adultery and fornication.
Asalamu Aleikum, Actually brother, unless a man has taken a second wife to protect her children from want in the aftermath of a war or disaster, he has no legs to stand on. None of the reasons you have listed above are included in the Quran as valid reasons. There add ons! And men who have mistresses are adulterers, which is worse than a bigamist. Allah says that you can never be fair to more than one wife....not a risk I'd think any Allah fearing man would be willing to take!
2:235 There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. God knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a secret contract with them except in terms Honorable, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that God Knows what is in your hearts, and take heed of Him; and know that God is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
4:1 O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you.
4:13-14 Those are limits set by God: those who obey God and His Apostle will be admitted to Gardens with rivers flowing beneath, to abide therein (for ever) and that will be the supreme achievement. But those who disobey God and His Apostle and transgress His limits will be admitted to a Fire, to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment.
Above, I have posted some of the less popular ayat pertaining to behavior toward women when discussing plural marriage. Those who do not know Islam, but are more infatuated with their ancient cultures will tell you that polygyny under the circumstances you describe is a man’s right. Allah says they are wrong.
2:235 He has made marriage to be an open affair and directed us to honor our oaths.
4:1 The opening verse of Al-Nisa does not purport to a God who treats women as collectibles. He has made us of like nature, and obligated us to protect our mutual rights and fulfill our responsibilities toward each other.
4:13-14 An inequivocal warning to tread lightly when dealing with the rights of women and the commands of Allah, or engage His wrath.
The enforceable:
If you live in a country where polygyny is legal, what you describe is legal, it's still not Islam, you will still be seen as a slut and of lower status, then come out in the end as a loser, morally, legally and spiritually.. This is clear from the lack of respect the man has shown you.
If you live in a country where polygyny is not legal, you are not a wife; you are an adulterous, fornicating mistress with no legal rights whatsoever under Islam. Under secular law, you will lose. If the legal wife refuses to allow you to have any of the marital assets, she can withhold everything from you and you will get nothing.
In my life, I have helped real wives defeat mistresses who claim to be wives by taking everything that the lying man promised to give them. After death, the property is the wife's, and don’t let anyone tell you that she has no power to leave you with nothing, no money, no home, nothing that was acquired with marital assists. She can contest the will, and sue you for everything. Few in secular courts have any empathy for interlopers in a marriage.
The assertions:
The claim that there is a consensus among Muslims that polygyny is permissible is unenforceable in our legal system, even if true (and I doubt it to be true). It is the minority of Muslim men who practice it, and those who do it badly are going to hell. The treatment of women is outlined very clearly in the Quran, particularly in Al-Nisa, which is loaded with warnings about transgressing the limits, and cheating the rights of women bestowed by Allah.
"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being, first and foremost, and as such I'm for whomever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole." ~ Malcolm X Proud supporter of the One-State Solution for Palestine
We know of no clear evidence from the Qur'an and Sunnah, which encourages the Muslim to either keep to one wife, or to polygamy.
The Prophet, pbuh, had only one wife for 25 years, the majority of his adult life. In a society where men of status commonly held several wives, traded them, controlled them, denied them rights, this man of God had only one. Not only that, she was older, richer, his boss and his qawaam, a kind of marriage the same Muslims who claim polygyny is not an exception, but the norm, would advise against. This is the man chosen to be a Messenger of Allah, not some man keeping multiple wives in secret or for pleasure.
The fact is, there are Muslims who pick and choose ahadith and examples to suit their own desires. If they take the example of the Prophet, they would wait until their first and only wife died, then marry primarily women who are older, divorced, in need of protection due to their lack of status, and for political reasons.
So according to Shariah, the only condtions neccassary for polygamy is that one can treat the wives equally.
Not true. The first condition of polygyny is overlooked, even as it is posted. It is:
The circumstances in which this verse was revealed illustrate the sincere teachings of Islam regarding polygamy. It was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which a significant number of Muslim men were martyred and as a consequence, many women were widowed and their children orphaned. To safeguard the new Muslim community, this just and compassionate law was revealed, and it remains in effect until the end of time.
Allah revealed law in context to the need of the community it was taught in. Under circumstances of war, Allah revealed limits to multiple marriage, and among those are the protection of WIDOWS and ORPHANS. In the time that the ayah was revealed, orphans were those without tribal affiliation thru a male relative. This applied to males and females who had no connection to the tribe thru an "alpha" member.
Again, using the Prophet as the best example, he was known to be an orphan because his father, his qawaam, died before he was born. He relied on his Uncle Talib for his affiliation to his tribe in his early life, later, thru his wife in his later life. When both died in quick succession, he was once again an orphan who had to strike alliances to maintain status.
Multiple marriage was the means of social integration and welfare for women who had lost their qawaam and/or who came among the Muslims as outsiders, and as non-Muslims during battles. They were often spoils of war, and rarely treated on the same level as first wives, who even then, held a different status.
In Islamic jurisprudence, which few here understand enough to evaluate on their own, there is a dowry system in place, devised by men, to discern the value of individual women. It prescribes value based on youth, virginity, childbearing ability, and how sexually "damaged" a woman was prior to the current prospective marriage. Virgins are worth the most; their dowry is the highest. It goes down thru the ranks to slaves who marry their owners; they are the least of them.
You have little value to an adulterous man. That is why you are treated as you have been. He does not treat you as a revered partner, but as a concubine. He does not taken the example of the Prophet as his model of practice, but borrows the tradition of jahilyya to keep you in sin. Allah knew there will be men like him, and so He said:
“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire . . .
Here, Allah advises against plural marriage, for humans He has made weak. Unless you are in the ranks of women who cannot find a husband due to social norms that do not view you as a human being, then this part: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)... (Surah al-Nisa, 129). will not apply to you. Thus, your adulterous partner had no basis in which to take you as a wife, and he has failed in his obligations to his wife and to you.
The generalizations made of what is or is not allowed require adherence to such claims by the governing authorities of the area of jurisdiction. There is no one law, no on interpretation of sharia. Some Muslim countries do not recognize plural marriage, and that is halal. Laws are of two kinds in Islam, the ritual – laws regarding our obligations to God, and social – laws regarding our obligations to each other. If this was Islam, we would be discussing the category of law regarding social obligations between mortals.
"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being, first and foremost, and as such I'm for whomever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole." ~ Malcolm X Proud supporter of the One-State Solution for Palestine
In light of your argument, we are not discussing Islam, despite the claims to the contrary, but a path away from Islam, The attempt to marginalize Islamic views that invalidate the cultural desires of men was expected. While it is currently fashionable to assert that treatment of women and the preservation of their rights is a staple of Islam, the allowance that Muslim men are given to contradict those rights because of their greater "rights" as men is a nod to jahilyya on a backward path. Muslims have indulged in a steep learning curve over the last 1400 years, and too many of us are behind the curve.
The apologists for such incongruity have no choice but to offer schizophrenic explanations for allowing women to be measured in value thru their usage by men, then required to give up rights, as enjoyed by the first Arab Muslima, Khadihah. They prefer to justify a slave wife, a concubine, to ever telling men that there are limits applied to their desire for status and sexual pleasure. Thus, explanations such as the following are a blasphemy against the faith. If the Taliban were running Islam, this is the kind of logic we would all be subjected to. I quote:
There is much wisdom why men have been given the permission to polygamy. I would just like to mention a few:
It is a known fact that there are more women than men and that they have a longer life. More men die due to wars and other incidents. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.
If we restricted men to having only one wife, then there would be many women without husbands. Especially, when a woman is divorced or she becomes a widow, at times it is very difficult for her to remarry. In permitting polygamy, there is a solution to this problem. These women will have someone to look after their social and economic needs.
At times, the wife is incapable of procreating and the husband desires to have children. Polygamy can also serve as a solution to this problem.
Some men are not satisfied with one woman. Recognising this need of a man, Islam permitted them to marry more than one wife, rather than falling into the trap of adultery and fornication.
There is no basis in sharia, the Sunnah of Allah or the Sunnah of the Prophet, for such rationalizations in the faith. Ancient cultural norms offered as a means to maintain jahilyya in social order is why they exist. Too many Muslims, caught up in a cycle of ignorance and tribalism, promote the belief that by imitating the treatment of women that was adopted in a time of war 1400 years ago as a means of social welfare, we are being true to the faith.
We are not, and those who refuse to follow Allah to build on the past teach only ignorance for His Intent that we progress. Allah says:
2:170 When it is said to them: "Follow what God hath revealed:" They say: "Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers." What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?
Sadly, human desire and hubris, masquerading as proper practice, has given Islam a worldwide reputation for cruelty and maltreatment of women; exactly the opposite of what Allah intends. He sent Islam to IMPROVE our lives; to give us a path to take toward a more humane and equitable existence. He did not send Islam so we will be stuck in ancient jahilyya, emulating the hypocrisy and ancient savagery that it was sent to cure. Nor did He send it so that we will merely mimic the incremental social change of the early Muslims as the Word was revealed to them over 23 years. We have it all at once, protected and whole.
We revere the early ummah, keep their covenant with God, yet we need not be slaves to their learning curve, their situational application of His guidance. We have their history in total, and can apply it with the Word to create a equitable, more comprehensive societal practice. We are not bound to the judgment of those who stand still in time. They will bow to appeasing their cultural norms and requirements, choosing to mislead all of us in the process. Allah says that those who lead others into sin by false claims will suffer the consequences of their own sin and of those they mislead.
16:25 Let them bear, on the Day of Judgment, their own burdens in full, and also (something) of the burdens of those without knowledge, whom they misled. Alas, how grievous the burdens they will bear!
Character building and spiritual advancement, which Islam teaches, require us to do the hardest thing, the most inconvenient thing – surrendering our ego – to move toward Allah. Any hypocrite who will keep you in secret, lie to his wife, compromise your soul, to claim supremacy over his wife in the Name of God is bound by tradition, not faith, and headed for hell, as are his family members who support him in doing so. Now that you have been educated as to your own complicity in sin, you have a chance to repent and be saved.
2:225 God will not call you to account for thoughtlessness in your oaths, but for the intention in your hearts; and He is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
If my views are in the minority, then I am comfortable with that. My aim is to please God, not man, so I have no choice but to reflect the faith rather than to promote the flaws of human nafs.
4:85 Whomever recommends and helps a good cause becomes a partner therein: And whoever recommends and helps an evil cause, shares in its burden: And God hath power over all things.
Salaam
"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being, first and foremost, and as such I'm for whomever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole." ~ Malcolm X Proud supporter of the One-State Solution for Palestine
[QUOTE=Miraj;169714]The first condition of polygyny is overlooked, even as it is posted. It is:
The circumstances in which this verse was revealed illustrate the sincere teachings of Islam regarding polygamy. It was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which a significant number of Muslim men were martyred and as a consequence, many women were widowed and their children orphaned. To safeguard the new Muslim community, this just and compassionate law was revealed, and it remains in effect until the end of time.[/QUOTE]
Salamualikum sis,
Allah revealed Quranic verses as neccassary, and the one permitting polygamy was revealed likewise [i.e, when there was a need for polygamy, after many men had been martyred and women were left widowed...], but the Quran goes on to show that polygamy is also allowed without there being a dire neccessity such as widows or orphans who need to be married and looked after, for Allah says in the Qur'an:
“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).
In the above verse we can see that Allah is saying that if the men fear that they will not be able to deal justly with the orphans, then marry [other] women of your choice [it dont say, 'then marry the widows", etc,], so a man could choose any four wives to marry as he chooses...without the condition of the women being 'underprevelidged' [such as a widow, single parent, etc,]
Obviously if there is a need to marry orphans, widows and other 'needy' women, then those women will be the best and most 'ethical' choice to marry, but as the above verse shows, their is no restriction on men to those choices only.
And that Quranic verse infact lays out the only condition for polygamy too; it says "but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one"; so the only condition is to be able to deal justly with them.
