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Switch to Forum Live View Muslim men prefer non-Muslim women
7 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2008 - 5:23AM #51
GraceSA
Posts: 1,101
salaam Maji_77

I think you're being judged unfairly here. 

I think what you describe isn't so much about sex as it is about women as possessions and possessions of honor.  Similar roots lead to the problems of "honor" killings- when a Muslims woman is percieved to have "stepped out" inappropriately.

It seems to me perhaps people are mistakenly thinking you endorse this as a legitimate reason for a non-Muslim wife rather than an explanation.

Ok now I will really throw myself in hot water but I think there is at least a subgroup of Muslims today that fit the following:

I would add from my own observations perhaps a modern twist.  In my time, in the US, marrying a "white" woman was a somehow more exceptable than a person of color.  It was a status thing, and would could suggest perhaps a modern manifestation about "emasculating  the enemy"

Certainly when I converted- and came in contact with the muslim community  I was all the rage.  When a white brother converts everyone is hesitant to give him their daughters, while many Muslim brothers love to be seen with their pink cheeked aquisitions.

I think caucasions have become the new "elite" tribe, and Muslim men like to "steal" the women.

Before everyone jumps all over me- I do not advocate this- but it happens.  Not always I know.  I married a man much darker than myself, and I don't think I was his "trophy" wife.

I'd like to believe I'm wrong-  (about the whole racist thing....not my husband!)

Salaam,
Grace

Salaam,
Grace
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2008 - 11:30AM #52
Atsila
Posts: 207
[QUOTE=GraceSA;194028]salaam Maji_77

I think you're being judged unfairly here. 

I think what you describe isn't so much about sex as it is about women as possessions and possessions of honor.  Similar roots lead to the problems of "honor" killings- when a Muslims woman is percieved to have "stepped out" inappropriately.

It seems to me perhaps people are mistakenly thinking you endorse this as a legitimate reason for a non-Muslim wife rather than an explanation.

Ok now I will really throw myself in hot water but I think there is at least a subgroup of Muslims today that fit the following:

I would add from my own observations perhaps a modern twist.  In my time, in the US, marrying a "white" woman was a somehow more exceptable than a person of color.  It was a status thing, and would could suggest perhaps a modern manifestation about "emasculating  the enemy"

Certainly when I converted- and came in contact with the muslim community  I was all the rage.  When a white brother converts everyone is hesitant to give him their daughters, while many Muslim brothers love to be seen with their pink cheeked aquisitions.

I think caucasions have become the new "elite" tribe, and Muslim men like to "steal" the women.

Before everyone jumps all over me- I do not advocate this- but it happens.  Not always I know.  I married a man much darker than myself, and I don't think I was his "trophy" wife.

I'd like to believe I'm wrong-  (about the whole racist thing....not my husband!)

Salaam,
Grace

Salaam,
Grace[/QUOTE]

Exactly, Grace.  I had tried to point out that what Maji is saying is truthful and that I don't think he is endorsing it, but, you know, no one really listens to me!  :)

wassalam
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2008 - 4:56PM #53
GraceSA
Posts: 1,101
I saw it somewhere Atsila- I didn't remember who.  Then I just decided to give my own expansion on the theme- as I understood it.


Grace
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 07, 2008 - 5:25PM #54
MusabUmair
Posts: 2
Miraj!
Majority of this type of case is one that involves with a green card. As the rest of us who do not need it, we stay local and proud of it. I mean, Muslima who acts like muslima and not like non-muslim women.
otherwise, it seem.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 1:33AM #55
sazaj36
Posts: 331
Hey...its the first time i've ever had a post deleted...not good....should work on that.

On the subject...I was definitely a trophy wife...when I first arrived in Bahrain my ex couldnt wait to parade me around and show me off...people were treating him like he won the lottery or something...i believe they assumed I had all ready converted at that point....within a year he had me in a hijab....still hadnt converted or even thinking of it at this point...people were cheering(no lie)...when I finally did convert he basked in all the praise bestowed on him for converting one of those "loose western woman" from her life of immorality....he still takes credit for my conversion and believes he will receive reward for that in heaven...he claims that God led me to him so that he could "show me the right path" and save me from hell.....Im kind of thinking this....the same God that led me to him to eventually find Islam...is apparently the same God that led him to me so that my children would eventually suffer incestual pedophilia....some reward....hmmmm.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 10:39AM #56
USMuslim
Posts: 167
[QUOTE=sazaj36;196610]Hey...its the first time i've ever had a post deleted...not good....should work on that.

On the subject...I was definitely a trophy wife...when I first arrived in Bahrain my ex couldnt wait to parade me around and show me off...people were treating him like he won the lottery or something...i believe they assumed I had all ready converted at that point....within a year he had me in a hijab....still hadnt converted or even thinking of it at this point...people were cheering(no lie)...when I finally did convert he basked in all the praise bestowed on him for converting one of those "loose western woman" from her life of immorality....he still takes credit for my conversion and believes he will receive reward for that in heaven...he claims that God led me to him so that he could "show me the right path" and save me from hell.....Im kind of thinking this....the same God that led me to him to eventually find Islam...is apparently the same God that led him to me so that my children would eventually suffer incestual pedophilia....some reward....hmmmm.[/QUOTE]
Forgive me for knowing your entire history and as such asking a question that may be obvious to the "regulars", but why are you still living in Bahrain if you are American and you are no longer married to the horrible guy?
And did your children's father go to jail? I'm curious because of the marriage dynamic, American wife, local husband? Are Bahrain's laws as draconian as KSA? (In this case, I'd pray they are!)
Why not come back here and make a nice life and give your kids a chance at an American college degree, still worth a lot on the open market, especially if your kids are bilingual...
I ask because you mentioned earlier that you wonder about how you'd like life back in America as a Muslim.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 11:00AM #57
endgame
Posts: 122
[QUOTE=sazaj36;196610]Hey...its the first time i've ever had a post deleted...not good....should work on that.

On the subject...I was definitely a trophy wife...when I first arrived in Bahrain my ex couldnt wait to parade me around and show me off...people were treating him like he won the lottery or something...i believe they assumed I had all ready converted at that point....within a year he had me in a hijab....still hadnt converted or even thinking of it at this point...people were cheering(no lie)...when I finally did convert he basked in all the praise bestowed on him for converting one of those "loose western woman" from her life of immorality....he still takes credit for my conversion and believes he will receive reward for that in heaven...he claims that God led me to him so that he could "show me the right path" and save me from hell.....Im kind of thinking this....the same God that led me to him to eventually find Islam...is apparently the same God that led him to me so that my children would eventually suffer incestual pedophilia....some reward....hmmmm.[/QUOTE]

wow...the last part of your post is crazy.
Anyone have any experiences with trophy husbands?
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 12:30PM #58
USMuslim
Posts: 167
[QUOTE=endgame;197261]wow...the last part of your post is crazy.
Anyone have any experiences with trophy husbands?[/QUOTE]

Aren't all women who chase the med students looking for a trophy husband? All faiths!
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 2:01PM #59
endgame
Posts: 122
[QUOTE=USMuslim;197540]Aren't all women who chase the med students looking for a trophy husband? All faiths![/QUOTE]

Asalaamualaikum sis USMuslim,

lol so let me get this straight. A guy's trophy determinaiton is dependent on his residency/specialization status while a girl's trophy status is determined by the "pinkness of her cheeks." Interesting...lol
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 08, 2008 - 6:00PM #60
AniMari
Posts: 8
Well,

A lot of interesting thoughts here... here's my opinion:

1) the greencard may happen occasionally, but that certainly isn't the only, or even main, answer to Miraj's question.  There are too many men who don't need greencards who are doing it. I agree that this phenomenon is not limited to muslim men marrying non-muslim women....I see more acceptance in society, and therefore and a higher rate of all kinds of inter-religious and cross-racial relationships these days, mine included.  And I think it happens just out of sheer exposure..the world is a more global place these days.

2) It could be true what you all have said about muslims having no way to meet each other without being rushed into marriage.  I think that now, there are fewer people willing to spend the rest of their lives with someone they hardly know; the crux is that in muslim social circles, "dating" isn't allowed....  What a catch-22!  It makes sense that they would just end up marrying the non-muslim girl they've gotten to know in college, or at work,or through friends.

3) Another possibility is that Miraj is onto something.  A lot of born muslims feel quite secure in their religion...secure enough to do what other muslims would consider "cherry-picking".    I know several muslims who have quite liberal views of social rights...these people wouldn't "mesh" with the typical by-the-book, conservative muslims, and so they might feel more comfortable marrying out. They might still believe in the 5 pillars and do their prayers, but don't believe in things like hijab, beards, prohibitions against wearing makeup and the color red....and they might not want to be married to someone who is going to have a problem with that.  I agree with Miraj that a lot of converts wouldn't have the freedom to do that, because they would be told they aren't really muslim...converts do have to work a little harder to "prove" they are muslims.

4) There probably are some people looking for a "trophy" wife who is white (as others have mentioned)...except it isn't just white non-muslims who are marrying muslims....and judging by the amount of posts on here from muslim women who have fallen in love with non-muslim men...it's not a one-gender issue.

5) in my own case, of course......obviously, it was the combination of my smashing intelligence, my good looks, and my fantastic humor.   ;-)  JK--- but really, there are also cases where two similar people are attracted to each other, simple as that.
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