Exactly what are you looking for in a wife, brother endgame? Try to be specific. Perhaps some sisters will give you some advice.

I won't because I suspect  am not the kind of Muslimah you would ever be interested in even if I wasn't already married.

Salaam,

Aisha

[QUOTE=arabianwitch;135136]Exactly what are you looking for in a wife, brother endgame? Try to be specific. Perhaps some sisters will give you some advice.

I won't because I suspect  am not the kind of Muslimah you would ever be interested in even if I wasn't already married.

Salaam,

Aisha[/QUOTE]

Asalaamualaikum sis,
I posted that in another thread called "Marriage Partner Criteria" to get opinions from everyone on the criteria. I really was just venting and saying that the inequality and injustice is from both genders. Everyone has their own way of living and thinking which is fine. My problem is when people try to take advantage and lie about themselves to get what they want. Two people can disagree on their own lifestyles and go on their own seperate ways. I just hate lies and the politics that comes with it.

endgame


Women are talkers...they like to talk out problems...either with the one who they have a problem with...or with other like minded women who can sympathize and relate...men are suckers....by that i mean they generally suck it up and keep it inside...so you will not find many muslim men venting here about personal problems...probably wouldnt find that many men from any religion posting personal problems all that much...men are taught not to express themselves too candidly....either suck it up or change it by divorce etc...women like to vent and release emotions first before making decisions...if decisions need making.

Just remember...you cannot control what people do to you(usually) but you can control how you react to it.....you can either let this episode in your life get you down and keep you down...or you can see it as a learning experience..and go on from there.

[QUOTE=endgame;134022]Asalaamualaikum sisters,

I have been a passive visitor of beliefnet for the past 6 years and I have seen countless threads here about muslim men being horrible and all the injustice they have done to muslimah sisters. How we take advantage and how our views are so crooked? All of my life I have been like I am going to be the type of muslim son, the type of muslim husband that my mother and my wife will appreciate. When I saw things in the world, when I read stories on this site about men being unjust, I would say to myself I am not going to be like this. All the steps I took in my life were always with the tought of what does Allah direct me to do, what will my parents think of it, what will my future wife want me to do in this instance etc. Anyhow now that I am ready for marriage, I had a really bad experience with my engagement that was just broken of. I have been looking and all I see in my area are the kinds of muslimahs that are like the men women here complain about. I see the muslimahs being just as bad as the muslim men that every one complains about.

I also know I should not generalize and paint everyone with the same brush. But why does no one talk about these muslimahs, why are only muslim men looked at in a bad light. I feel like I have a need to vent here. What ever happened to chastity and piousness? It seems like a lot is being asked of a muslimah if one asks for a wife to be religious, virgin, educated etc etc. Are we as muslims really in such a bad state that we cannot expect these things anymore? I do know that there are good muslimahs out there ( but why am I doubting this now?). Where are the good, pious ones? Where are you hiding? Why do I only see what I don't want to see. This is all very depressing and I feel like I just woke up to the world while I have seen these things all along.

Please advise...[/QUOTE]

I think that perhaps you ought to be careful judging Muslim women by this forum, simply because I personally think it tends toward the angry feminist bent, or as Sazaj said, a lot of women with hurt feelings needing support and a place to vent and talk.

You need to get involved in activities centered around the Muslim community with people of like minds. Really, if you are in a large community, there has to be a progressive mosque that facilitates activities that both men and women can participate in, so you can get to know women your own age without it being Islamically inappropriate. And don't discount your family's network of friends to find suitable introductions, while being careful to sift through the cultural stuff as you renew your search.

I began looking at this website (among many) just as a way to research for an article I'm writing, but because my work is a bit slow this month I've been participating in the discussions, sometimes irritating the "regulars". But in reality, so many of these topic threads are not indicative of the general population of Muslim women, at least more mature Muslim women. Those women are not posting here because they have busy and happy lives with living breathing friends to chat with and vent the frustrations we all have. It's also a way to express your opinion without having to be quick enough verbally to debate, I know that's my attraction to some of these discussions, I've never been fast on my feet in a verbal argument! I guess this type of debate forum is fun for people like me when work is slow and the snow is deep!

Asalamu Aleikum,
Having a socail life outside of this forum and being extremely busy with full time prefessorship, PhD and four kids I'm sure that I've nothing better to do and so that's why I post here.

Honestly though, given 27 years in the Muslim community with friends both in the US and in other countries and having worked extensively with communities is about 35 so called Muslim countries it seems to me that the subject matter and the opinions expressed here on Beliefnet are pretty much in line with those I've experienced outside of thee forums. If anything, the number of women with problems with husbands is under represented. The thing I do find is different from the discussion on these forums from my expereince with friends outside of these forums is the level of sympathy and support. Sometimes I think the forum isn't the best vehicle to express sympathy and support.