Post Reply
Page 1 of 6  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 Next
Switch to Forum Live View The 9 Most Bada$$ Bible Verses
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 12:45PM #1
Adelphe
Posts: 28,707

Again, from Cracked.com (satire, sometimes serious (and frequently serious satire):

"If the Bible had been written by King Leonidas and the rest of the Spartans from 300, it would probably read pretty much the same as it does now.


It turns out, the Bible is already chock full of ass kicking. Here are the verses that make us want to take to the streets and put some unbelievers to the sword."  (LOL!)


9.  Exodus 2:11-12


8.  II Kings 2:23-24


7.  Ezekiel 23:19-20


6.  Judges 3:16-23


5.  Numbers 16:24, 31-33


4.  Deuteronomy 25:11-12


3.  1 Kings 18:24,38-40


2.  Judges 15:15-16


1.  1 Samuel 18:25-27


Laughing





Unless I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason, my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not retract anything, for to go against conscience would be neither right nor safe.  Here I stand.  I can do no other.  God help me.  Amen.
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 12:59PM #2
Paladinsf
Posts: 3,660

Jun 23, 2012 -- 12:45PM, Adelphe wrote:

Again, from Cracked.com (satire, sometimes serious (and frequently serious satire):

"If the Bible had been written by King Leonidas and the rest of the Spartans from 300, it would probably read pretty much the same as it does now.


It turns out, the Bible is already chock full of ass kicking. Here are the verses that make us want to take to the streets and put some unbelievers to the sword."  (LOL!)


9.  Exodus 2:11-12


8.  II Kings 2:23-24


7.  Ezekiel 23:19-20


6.  Judges 3:16-23


5.  Numbers 16:24, 31-33


4.  Deuteronomy 25:11-12


3.  1 Kings 18:24,38-40


2.  Judges 15:15-16


1.  1 Samuel 18:25-27







Triuble is, MANY of your fellow believers are NOT amused. They are ALL TOO willing - anxious even - to just that.


9/11 springs quickly to mind.

The World is divided into armed camps ready to commit genocide just because we can't agree on whose fairy tales to believe.
The belief in supernatural religion will kill us all if we don't outgrow it.

When I first read "End of Faith" I thought Sam went too far. The more I read and listen to these "believers" the more I wonder if maybe he wasn't right after all.
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 3:20PM #3
Kemmer
Posts: 16,514



2 Kings 2:23-24


English Standard Version (ESV)




23 He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 And he turned around, and when he saw them,  A)"> he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.



...for God's mercy endures forever.  (Bears in Palestine?) 


Deuteronomy 25:11-12



English Standard Version (ESV)




Miscellaneous Laws


11 “When men fight with one another and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, 12 then you shall cut off her hand.  A)"> Your eye shall have no pity.



Testibus præhende corda sequentur et mentes.  (Grab 'em by the balls; their hearts and minds will follow.)



Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 3:22PM #4
Adelphe
Posts: 28,707

Jun 23, 2012 -- 3:20PM, Kemmer wrote:




2 Kings 2:23-24


English Standard Version (ESV)



23 He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 And he turned around, and when he saw them,  A)"> he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.



...for God's mercy endures forever.  (Bears in Palestine?)



lol

Unless I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason, my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not retract anything, for to go against conscience would be neither right nor safe.  Here I stand.  I can do no other.  God help me.  Amen.
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 6:12PM #5
davelaw40
Posts: 19,669

Jun 23, 2012 -- 3:20PM, Kemmer wrote:




2 Kings 2:23-24


English Standard Version (ESV)




23 He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 And he turned around, and when he saw them,  A)"> he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.



...for God's mercy endures forever.  (Bears in Palestine?) 


Deuteronomy 25:11-12



English Standard Version (ESV)










and evidently they eat sheep



 1Sa 17:34 And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock: 



It is the Land of Milk and Honey

Non Quis, Sed Quid
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 7:17PM #6
Kemmer
Posts: 16,514

It is the Land of Milk and Honey



...and lions and tigers and bears.

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 23, 2012 - 7:25PM #7
davelaw40
Posts: 19,669

no tigers-that would be OZ

Non Quis, Sed Quid
Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 24, 2012 - 2:41AM #8
Hoppy393
Posts: 2,695

Jun 23, 2012 -- 12:45PM, Adelphe wrote:


6.  Judges 3:16-23



"I have a message from God for you."

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 24, 2012 - 10:15AM #9
weberhome02
Posts: 1,836

.

Jun 23, 2012 -- 3:20PM, Kemmer wrote:

for God's mercy endures forever.


Indeed it does; but first you have to obtain it. The Bible's hell is even now heavily populated with people who failed to do so before they crossed over to the other side.



Jun 23, 2012 -- 3:20PM, Kemmer wrote:

Bears in Palestine?


Israel's bears were eradicated in the early 20th century. The closest kin to the bears that once roamed wild there are the Syrian brown bears at the Biblical Zoo in Jerusalem.



Jun 23, 2012 -- 3:20PM, Kemmer wrote:

He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him


The Hebrew words translated "small boys" are  na` ar (nah'-ar) and qatan (kaw-tawn') which is about as close to the English word "adolescent" as the Hebrew can come. What we have here is not a group of unsupervised rug rats; but a dangerous youth gang . Actually Elisha was very fortunate they only managed to mock him. Had they not been stopped in time; that many wilding youths together could have easily overcome Elisha and ended his life; and no doubt would have too except for that ferocious bear's intervention.



Jun 23, 2012 -- 6:12PM, davelaw40 wrote:

and evidently they eat sheep


No surprise there as most bears are omnivores. They'll eat people too when given the opportunity; as Timothy Treadwell and his girlfriend Amie Huguenard discovered firsthand in 2003.



Jun 23, 2012 -- 6:12PM, davelaw40 wrote:

It is the Land of Milk and Honey


What the world sees today in Palestine are not the same conditions into which Joshua brought Yhvh's people some 3,500 years ago; and there's the wrath of God to thank for it.


†. Deut 29:24-27 . . Even all nations shall say: Wherefore hath the Lord done thus unto this land? what meaneth the heat of this great anger? Then men shall say: Because they have forsaken the covenant of the Lord God of their fathers, which He made with them when He brought them forth out of the land of Egypt: for they went and served other gods, and worshipped them, gods whom they knew not, and whom He had not given unto them: and the anger of the Lord was kindled against this land, to bring upon it all the curses that are written in this book


Palestine's curses aren't permanent.


†. Isa 41:18-19 . . I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the shittah tree, and the myrtle, and the oil tree; I will set in the desert the fir tree, and the pine, and the box tree together.


†. Isa 55:13 . . Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to Yhvh for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.


†. Isa 35:1-7 . .The arid desert shall be glad, the wilderness shall rejoice and shall blossom like a rose. It shall blossom abundantly, it shall also exult and shout. It shall receive the glory of Lebanon, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped. Then the lame shall leap like a deer, and the tongue of the dumb shall shout aloud; for waters shall burst forth in the desert, streams in the wilderness. Torrid earth shall become a pool; parched land become fountains of water; the home of jackals become a pasture; the abode [of ostriches] become reeds and rushes.


Lebanon's glory of old was timber; especially cedars (1Kng 4:33). Sharon was known for its flowers (Song 2:1) and Carmel for its orchards. (Isa 33:9)


A good lesson to learn from Israel's curses is that if the Bible's God would do that to His own chosen people and their land, whom He loves above all other lands and peoples on earth: what do you suppose He might have in store for people on the world wide web who amuse themselves by publically mocking God and His word? Think about it.


Cliff
/

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Jun 24, 2012 - 11:13AM #10
Kemmer
Posts: 16,514

A good lesson to learn from Israel's curses is that if the Bible's God would do that to His own chosen people and their land, whom He loves above all other lands and peoples on earth: what do you suppose He might have in store for people on the world wide web who amuse themselves by publically mocking God and His word? Think about it.



This reminds me of an old joke.  Seems the flight attendant was giving the ususal pre-takeoff spiel about flotation devices, exits, and such.


"In the unlikely loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop; if you are traveling with children, place the mask on yourself first, and then choose your favorite child and affix the mask to his/her mouth."


God seems to be a rather poor parent.

Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 6  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook