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Sticky: Utter nonsense lounge
4 months ago  ::  Jan 21, 2013 - 10:50PM #291
mrjordan
Posts: 1,440

A military brain surgeon and military captain were playing chess one day. The subject of God came into discussion.


The brain surgeon asked the captain, "Do you believe in God?" the captain answered, "No".
The surgeon asked, "Why not?" The captain answered, "I have seen many battles, yet I have never seen any divine intervention saving a solders life. I know both my side and their side pray to God, but I have not seen God protect my troops nor my enemies troops." The captain then asked, "What about you? Do you believe in God?" The brain surgeon replied, "Yes, I do." The captain, perplexed asked, "Why?" The surgeon replied, "I have operated on many solder's brains, yet I have never seen a single thought."

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4 months ago  ::  Feb 02, 2013 - 11:54PM #292
nanalulu222
Posts: 8,993

Everybody on earth goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.
      
      "With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
      
      God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
      
      And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Conservative Christian.  Remember: you're unique, just like everyone else.
DJW community co-host.
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3 months ago  ::  Feb 28, 2013 - 11:28PM #293
Upperlimits
Posts: 2,665

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"


Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.


She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I ...hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."


It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!



***************************


A frog was talking to a couple of Canadian geese. The geese were discussing their upcoming flight down south for the winter. The frog decided that going south for the winter would be a wonderful idea. He asked if he could to join them on the journey.


The geese said he could join them if he wanted to, but inquired how he could fly, since he did not have any wings. The frog thought for a few moments and the said to the two of them, "Why don't we take this stick and then each of you could hold one end of the stick in your beak. Then I could hold onto the stick with my mouth, and the two of you could fly side by side and carry me along. How would that work?"


They all agreed to the plan and were soon flying south. Somewhere over Idaho, a farmer looked up at the sky and spotted the strange trio. He said out loud, "WOW!! What an ingenious idea. I wonder whose idea it was?"


The frog replied, "It was mi - i - i - i - i - ne!!!

According to 2nd Corinthians 3:2, there are five gospels in the world. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and the Epistle of ones own life.  Most people will probably never read the first four.

God desires that our lives would bear spiritual fruit - not religious nuts.
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