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4 years ago  ::  Jul 27, 2014 - 7:59PM #1
Posts: 19

 Hello. I am Larry, 62, married, retired, waking up. I am coming into myself and pleased to meet God in me, as me. This is how I came to be me in many ways.


I have Borderline Personality Disorder. As a result, I have never had a sense of self, a separate, individual self. I derived my identity from others. I have always done what others wanted to do, gone where they wanted to go, even believed what they believed. I had no beliefs of my own. After a divorce late in life, I was on my own, a frightening situation, with no developed self with which to live. I turned to traditional Christianity for identity. I did not fit. I took a bold move.


I intended to find Jesus without the Bible because I saw contradictions, illogic, and flat-out errors. I studied its history and discovered that it is not literal and a book about how man sees God rather than a revelation of God to man. I explored the historic development of ideas and essential beliefs and discovered that they grew and evolved over time, changing as they went. It took six years to do so, studding on my own, but I deconstructed modern, fundamental, protestant Christianity. 


I sought my own beliefs but through that process, I had only released false beliefs. Left with no beliefs, I began to study other paths and ways to be Christian. Now I relate to Progressive Christianity. I have much to learn, but a large part of that learning is to look within and talk with God--not Bible God but an infinite, undefinable God that Jesus called Father. We explore new ideas, find answers that seem true for now. All that I know now, everything that I seem to believe, and the answers may be discarded tomorrow because I will always seek deeper understanding. For now, however, I am pleased with myself for seeking my own beliefs, starting out on my personal journey. It has been a major psychological achievement in my healing process with understanding therapists. I have my own path now that I can walk by myself for myself.


I have also practiced Zen Buddhism for many years.


So again, hello.

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