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3 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2012 - 9:11PM #81
Redbaron
Posts: 311

A well-known gambler passed away.  Many of his friends and acquaintances attended the funeral.  During the eulogy the minister said, "Spike isn't dead, he's sleeping."  From the back of the sanctuary came a voice, "I got a hundred bucks that says he's dead!"

You are a unique, special individual, just like everyone else.
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 10, 2012 - 2:16PM #82
Redbaron
Posts: 311





  







After a busy day at work, an elderly lady settled down in the train from Toronto for a nap as far as her destination at Hamilton.  

Just then the chap sitting near her hauled out his cellphone and started up:- 

"Hi darling it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know  it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that floozy from the typing pool, 

with the boss. 

No darling you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.






This was still going on at Burlington, when the elderly lady, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of  her voice,





"Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!!"







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3 years ago  ::  Mar 10, 2012 - 7:19PM #83
samie
Posts: 5,575

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3 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2012 - 10:15AM #84
Bouncybaby
Posts: 21,005


Have ya heard this one. A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed one of his members working in his garden.


"Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?"


"Eh, what's that?" said the member.


"Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?"


"I'm afraid you'll have to speak a little louder! said the member.


'CAN'T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO CHURCH? shouted the minister.


"I'm sorry", said the member, I can't hear you because of those darned BELLS!"


 

The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.
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3 years ago  ::  Apr 06, 2012 - 7:44AM #85
Redbaron
Posts: 311

What do you call a row of Easter bunnies hopping backwards?



A receding hare line.

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2 years ago  ::  May 16, 2012 - 12:29AM #86
Bouncybaby
Posts: 21,005

 


I'm glad you answered because I have something to tell you. Sandy had a one night stand last night. Yes, and she felt so bad about it when she woke this morning. She had to make things right so after breakfast she rushed out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.

The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.
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2 years ago  ::  May 27, 2012 - 9:11PM #87
Bouncybaby
Posts: 21,005


Did ya hear about the three men on the hill with their watches.


 


The first man threw his watch don the hill and it broke.


 


The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke


 


The third man threw his watch down the hill and walk down to catch it.


 


The two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did that.


 


"It's easy said the man. My watch is 5 minutes slow!"

The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.
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2 years ago  ::  May 29, 2012 - 2:20AM #88
Callielou
Posts: 30,458

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
"Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

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2 years ago  ::  Jun 07, 2012 - 11:05PM #89
Callielou
Posts: 30,458

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left"
she turned around and went home.


                                      

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2 years ago  ::  Jun 13, 2012 - 4:48PM #90
Bouncybaby
Posts: 21,005


Did ya hear about the Russian, an American and a Blonde were


talking the other day.


The Russian said "We were the first in space!"


The American said "We were the first on the moon!"


The blonde said "So what, we're be the first on the sun!"


The Russian and the American looked at each other and


shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, are you


crazy, you'll burn up. said the Russian.


The blonde replied. "We're not stupid, you know.


We're going at night!"

The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.
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