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Switch to Forum Live View Finding Love in your Fifties
4 years ago  ::  Nov 18, 2009 - 2:50PM #1
KIND6004
Posts: 516

I have been wondering what are some ways that seniors meet other seniors in your areas? Especially people who are a part of your faith?  Any websites for people who are not interested in sex being the primary reason  for meeting. Any book groups that read subjects interesting to people of our age group. Any books besides he is just not that into you? Or the rules. Any cruise ships that are suitable for those aging gracefully. Those who are widowed or those who are recently divorced what are you doing to meet others of the opposite sex and who are not your children or your family members? How do you keep joy in your life? Besides meeting at senior facilities or hospitals, laundry mats or grocery shopping, what are some good choices of places to meet? Not dead yet, right?

God is Good
God is Worthy to be Praised.
Gods Word will endure forever.
kind6004
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2009 - 3:24PM #2
Stardove
Posts: 14,596

Nov 18, 2009 -- 2:50PM, KIND6004 wrote:


I have been wondering what are some ways that seniors meet other seniors in your areas? Especially people who are a part of your faith?  Any websites for people who are not interested in sex being the primary reason  for meeting. Any book groups that read subjects interesting to people of our age group. Any books besides he is just not that into you? Or the rules. Any cruise ships that are suitable for those aging gracefully. Those who are widowed or those who are recently divorced what are you doing to meet others of the opposite sex and who are not your children or your family members? How do you keep joy in your life? Besides meeting at senior facilities or hospitals, laundry mats or grocery shopping, what are some good choices of places to meet? Not dead yet, right?



Welcome to Aging Gracefully.  I've been married for over 31 years, so I'm not looking for a partner.


I would think church would be the first place, because of your faith.  You would want a like minded person.  Maybe a church with an older adult singles group.  I know some churches do have singles groups.  It would be finding one with the age you are interested in.  Another place to meet people would be a senior citizen's community center.  Although I see you have sort of ruled that one out.  Friends of both sexes can be of value to us.

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 30, 2009 - 7:42PM #3
Sarahjewel
Posts: 2

Is being in your 50's being a senior! I guess it's getting there!  They do say though that 50 is the new 40 and I'm sticking to that! 


To meet new people of either sex, I have found that Meetup.com is amazing!  I attended some wonderful evenings in Toronto where the focus was on spirit, law of attraction etc but the intention was ultimately to meet someone who had the same interest and was interested in a relationship or dating without the focus being on sex.  There were group discussions on all aspects of dating which was interesting, as well as documentaries on subject such as the Shadow Effect, Sex and Intimacy (the spiritual aspects of it), oh there are too many to mention.  We would eat dinner together first (each paying for our own) or just coffee, watch the movie and stick around for a discussion.  I don't date right now but it was nice to be able to get to know some men without any pressure.  Just being able to watch someone for a while, how he interacts and responds to different situations was nice.  I'm not attending these meetings right now but hope to start again in January.  A combination of learning dating skills, understanding myself and others from a spiritual and emotional standpoint, and connecting with other singles.


 


I recommend looking for a meetup group in your city. They are all over north america. 

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 30, 2009 - 9:03PM #4
Stardove
Posts: 14,596

Nov 30, 2009 -- 7:42PM, Sarahjewel wrote:


Is being in your 50's being a senior! I guess it's getting there!  They do say though that 50 is the new 40 and I'm sticking to that! 


To meet new people of either sex, I have found that Meetup.com is amazing!  I attended some wonderful evenings in Toronto where the focus was on spirit, law of attraction etc but the intention was ultimately to meet someone who had the same interest and was interested in a relationship or dating without the focus being on sex.  There were group discussions on all aspects of dating which was interesting, as well as documentaries on subject such as the Shadow Effect, Sex and Intimacy (the spiritual aspects of it), oh there are too many to mention.  We would eat dinner together first (each paying for our own) or just coffee, watch the movie and stick around for a discussion.  I don't date right now but it was nice to be able to get to know some men without any pressure.  Just being able to watch someone for a while, how he interacts and responds to different situations was nice.  I'm not attending these meetings right now but hope to start again in January.  A combination of learning dating skills, understanding myself and others from a spiritual and emotional standpoint, and connecting with other singles.


 


I recommend looking for a meetup group in your city. They are all over north america. 



Sarah,


Thanks for the post and welcome to Aging Gracefully.  If you are new to Beliefnet welcome to the site.

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4 years ago  ::  Dec 03, 2009 - 5:53PM #5
KIND6004
Posts: 516

Well, it was nice getting some responses, I cant wait to log out and check on the new www.meetup.com .  No I am not new to beliefnet  I just have not been into this site for a long time it became really restrictive at a point, so I stopped coming in other then to post a prayer on one of my prayer wheels. I once did a few forums and that was in the site for quite a while > The Power of positive prayer that was one I really enjoyed working on. I think my start date was either in 2000 or 2001. I saw the computer get very sex oriented so I just gave it a rest.


Oh  of course I have friends of the opposite sex as well as the same sex but I do not think that I am like Paul, who all odds are on that he was either a widow or a divorce who   talked a lot about having the gift of celibracy, I dont think I want if forever. But I believe that if you decree a thing  like a mate or marriage, it will be or to make a list post it so it can come to past a good way of doing a good new Years rsolution. I dont know if the fifties are the New forties, I think we are actually getting ripped off. Being from Florida most things like restaurants when I was younger you had to be fifty to get special discounts, now a lot of things have rolled up to sixties. For the next generation even SSA benefits wont be happening til the 70's no one says anything so things keep getting pushed up its like with kids being adults at age 18 instead of 21 the opposite of when I was younger. So although I may be younger, I think since I have paid my dues, I want the respect that other 55 year old generations had before us. I admit I look young but I have great relief in having reached this land mark. I lost a few friends who did not.


I also find it strange that no one speaks up about seniors having to chose between their military or other insurance benefits and or remaining single  everyone ignores these things, which promote seniors living in sin. I think with all the social diseases marriage should be promoted for all ages and including seniors. I would like to start a push to change these things any others websites dealing with these issues. A lot of churchs say nothing  about this issue is there a website that is advocating change iin this area?


Senior groups like choirs in church is usually a way for senior couples to interact with other couples but not necessary for singles who are older aged. I guess maybe mature people, in some societies its respected to be an elder. Our society seems to be more youth oriented.  But even really thirtyfive is considered middleaged. I consider it a badge of honor.

God is Good
God is Worthy to be Praised.
Gods Word will endure forever.
kind6004
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4 years ago  ::  Dec 03, 2009 - 7:12PM #6
KIND6004
Posts: 516

Well, I did not want to sound like I wasnt in favour of Senior Community centers, I would note that most have a yearly fee, which may seem minimal to some but not to all, also field trips and other activities can also be costly, a per session cost etc  in this recession, it makes it often a  rich or upper middle class activity. Dancing classes other movie events play events can be fun, costs for transportation, but at least the seniors are in a group, but I think lots of these programs are lost to the newly senior, because they are daytime events.


When I mentioned Senior Facilites in the beginning post I was talking about nursing homes, Group Homes, Assisted living facilities. Even younger Seniors an handicapped or those with some form of psychological handicaps have met at these types of organizations.


I was asking specifically asking for seniors who are still living on their own. I know some college have special courses for seniors but even those can be costly, in this recession. Many are still waiting for their bank bailout? :)

God is Good
God is Worthy to be Praised.
Gods Word will endure forever.
kind6004
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4 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2009 - 1:21PM #7
KIND6004
Posts: 516

What is a cougar, why is that term used to describe an older women? How much older does the women have to be then the man for this to be an issue? And what is a man called that is older then the female. In certain generations war has played a significant part in the age groups for instance the vietnam war, world war 2, now the gulf war, the irac war? When my sister was being courted by a man she met in high school who was a junior and she was a senior she had an issue, my cousin also married a younger husband in both cases the males look older. Why does society use terms like this?

God is Good
God is Worthy to be Praised.
Gods Word will endure forever.
kind6004
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4 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2009 - 5:12PM #8
Linamoumou1
Posts: 1

hi i am what they call a cougar i am 58 yrs old and my finance is 26 he has shown me real love i have never known a love like this we plann on getting married in end of feburary2010 they call the younger man who likes older woman grave robbers . silly but we never know when ,how ,where, the true love will come in our life. i have never felt this love for anyone and never received this kinda of love till 9 months ago i and my love are so happy , we spend lots of hours on computer every day and phone since we met fell in love and he ask me to marry him we only have eyes for each other . i have the younger spirit he has the older spirit . works out great for us . i pray every one can find this kinda of real love . blessings to all.


                                                                                 sincerely lina and moumou

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4 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2009 - 7:39PM #9
Wendyness
Posts: 3,013

Well what can you say?  Harold and Maude.

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4 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2009 - 12:37PM #10
solarsouls@comcast.net
Posts: 200

Thanks for the thread and opportunity to share about the relationship that my "new wife" (of 12 yrs) and I have. I say "new" because we act like perpetual newly-Weds, and because its a refreshingly new type of relationship, a "Peer Marriage", an egalitarian relationship in which there is no hierarchy, no pecking order or gender bias. We are equals and have structured our relationship accordingly.


I met the love of my life in an Interfaith Church which we both were attending some 12 yrs ago. Coincidentally, we had each just been through a separation, and were both going through a divorce, but we didn't know one another, or that the other was going though that also. Not at first anyways!


I had seen a long term marriage dissolve (23 yrs) and was taking the high road to being a single again by joining in a Divorce Recovery workshop, sponsered by another Church in this small City.


One of the men in the workshop was a fellow I'd seen around before in several social groups, and had come to know him and liked him alot. He even shared the same name as I have (Dennis). That came to be a curious coincident. It ends up that he shared much more than that with me!


Dennis and I were becoming friends, and had both been taking part in "singles nights out" that was sponsored by the group that conducted the Divorce Recovery workshop we'd both been attending.  There was a group of ten to twenty-five that met on occasion for social affairs around town, Movies, dining out, dances, Art Center and Museum events. Dennis and I were both enjoying the social aspect of the new lifestyle we were apparently destined to be dealing with, as our Divorces wrapped up. 


I hadn't dated in thirty years, and needed some polishing in social graces, such as introductions and invitations. So this exposure was doing double duty!


One evening while we were all together as a group, (about thirty singles from the workshop) at a street dance, which was popular in our "Artsy" town, the subject of "Churches" came up, and who was attending which Churches, or none at all. A friendly conversation ensued in which I mentioned that I had been attending services with an Interfaith Church that was becoming popular here. Dennis looked at me and asked me directly in front of the group if I knew such and such there. I did. He then asked, again out loud so all could hear, if I knew a lady in that group named Phyllis, that also attended there. I said I wasn't sure. 


He described her and mentioned her 5'11" height, dark hair, and slender but healthy build. Outdoorsy type!This helped me remember the lady he was referring to and I said "yes" that I did know of her! He told me that since I was a new friend of his, and he knew about my interests in metaphysics, and outdoors recreation, and such, that I ought "to date" this "Phyllis" he described, as she was also interested in those subjects. Everyone by then was listening in on our conversation.


He knew this, he said aloud, because, he was still married to her! With uproarious laughter the group busted up, and then chuckled for a minute or two over the possibilities! Same first name, same gregarious personality, same taste in women! The group laughed some more! Just think of the possibilities for humor!


What would it be like to date your friend's "X" while still being his friend? Or, was it even possible to remain friends? Lots of humorous "sitcom type" stuff followed, but for me it was still slowly sinking in, that this "Phyllis" was Dennis' soon to be "X"!  Talk about awkward?


Weeks followed and summer passed as work and pleasure, mixed with social activities, went on. I did talk with "Phyllis" on several occasions at Church, and found that she and I did indeed enjoy some of the same activities, we didnt talk anout Dennis ,except that we both knew him..


She, nor I, were in a hurry to jump into another relationship, which is highly recommended against in this stage of recovery from Divorce, anyways! A clear head and months of living as a single person helped put some perspective on the whole social life question. As it should!There is life after Divorce!  


The Local Art Center's first summer Dance was being held "on the Paseo", where the patios and seating areas are nicely decorated, and the early summer night air was perfect for a few quick dances, before finding somewhere and someone to dine with on a Saturday night!


The Dance band was a local favorite on the nightclub scene, and was just getting warmed up really. About the third dance tune had played with no-one near the dance floor yet, when I saw "Phyllis"standing alone, not far from the entrance, as though she might be waiting for someone. I made my way through the crowd, and spoke with her for a few minutes while the band finished a tune that would usually would draw a crowd on the floor. It was too early for most of the locals, who "must have a few" drinks before dancing.


Not so for me, since I'd been sober for many years. Not thinking of the social pressure it would put on her, I asked Phyllis to dance when the next tune started, (with the crowd being hesitant yet). She looked at me like I was seriously deranged, and mentioned there were no others dancing. I looked at the floor and said "it usually just takes one couple" to start the dancing.


She hesitated, twice, but then said, "oh well", and agreed we should try, and we did.  WE ended up dancing three dances before another couple joined us. I was accustomed to this, but it must have seemed an eternity to her! When some other couples were dancing we watched a few dances. We stayed a while longer and enjoyed another dance, but had decided to look for some dinner, since neither had eaten yet. We found a small Italian place that was having a slow night, and took our sweet time having a full meal. Three hours later we decided to walk a few blocks and enjoy the evening air. It was a chance encounter, not a real date!


The rest, as they say, is history! We were married the next summer with Family and friends present. We chose a garden spot at the nearby local Nature Center, where we could hear the birds and see the clouds passing by. The minister of the Interfaith Church Wed us, and we've been happy ever since, that was twelve years ago. The other Dennis, by the way,  didn't show up for the Wedding, but he truly was my best man!  We've been grateful for his help all along!

Be the change you want to see in this world

                                            Ghandi
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