Oct 13, 2009 -- 8:33PM, Lolajean wrote:

Hi! I'm a single 30yr old mom, I have a 10yr old son. I just ended a 3yr egagement and I it's getting harder as the days go on.  I had to move my son and myself back in with my parents and thats not the best situation. I joined Beliefnet because I feel lost and sad and depressed. I'm trying not to go back to my old destructive behavior to escape the pain. So if anyone has some good advice for me I would be very greatful.

Hi! The word is 'grateful' and it's a great word... maybe you could check out the Grateful Dead. they're the greatest band in history in my opinion. Do you like music? What kind?

As for destructive behavior, I can relate... escapist kind of stuff that was not only quite unhealthy but could have landed me in jail! I'm grateful to have put that stuff in the past.

However, you have a child so your responsibility towers over what mine was and is... It seems that having a child should co-opt the parent'(s') sense of preservation and I know from experience and observation that the amount of sacrifice can be boundless... much like humility. have you ever heard that notion "humility is boundless"? I take it to mean a person can really think they know what's what but eventually they'll be enlightened that they had an illusion. and that repeats itself you see.

The key to move forward is to realize that nobody really knows anything and we're all caught up in our own dramas (control dramas is a phrase I learned from The Celestine Prophecy); realize you can only do your best and that's that. Don't be presumptuous. Also, instead of freaking out that the reality of the world does not line up with your expectations and trying to change reality, I suggest amending your expectations to be in harmony with reality.

Here's a paraphrased quote for you: "What disturbs people is not things and events, but their judgments about things and events." - Epictetus