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2 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2012 - 11:29PM #1
Cocobebe
Posts: 4
I broke up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago.  We have a 3 year old daughter together.  The breakdup was really bad that I had to get order of protection.  After going through so much, I've decided, my daugher is my #1 priorty, and my career is my #2 since that's how I will be able to support myself and my daugther.  I was wondering if I should date but that wasn't my priority since I didn't feel like I was ready.  Two weeks ago, I met this guy at the end of a 3 day convention.  We hit it off right away.  We went to KTV and night club (played ping pong) with people from convention.  After that he asked me out to have coffee at a diner.  We had a great time and conversation. I feel the chemistry.  He then asked me what I was doing the next day (sunday).  I told him that I haven't spend time with my daugther for 3 days so I have to be with her and I did also tell him that my daughter is my top priority.  He then asked me for my number before we parted our ways.  He called me the next day and has been either calling me everyday or texting me.  But unfortunately, whenver he calls I was buy and when I call back, he never answers his phone.  He's in his 50s (more than 10 years older than me) and never been married but does want to get married.  Then he asked me out the following Friday again but at 5pm.  It was labor day weekend so our office is only open half day.  By the time he asked me out I was already back to home and couldn't make last minute babysitting arrangement.  So I joked with him saying that I'm too lazy to go back to the city.  Then he texted me two days later and asking me how I'm doing.  I told him that I had a little family trouble and then he called me that night but I didn't pick up the phone.  When I called him back 7 minutes later, he didn't pick up.  I texted hm the next day thanking me for reaching out to me.  He called me immediately and asked me out to lunch.  I didn't go to work that day because I already planned the day off earlier.  Then we talk on the phone and I told him about a fight I had with my brother because he keep on bringing up my ex and making it a reflection my daugther and I briefly told him that I have an order of protection against my ex.  He was nice on the phone and giving me advise in how to deal with my brother and my ex.  Then I had to hang up because my daughter needed my attension.  Since then, he hasn't called or texted me for 3 days.  Does this mean that he no longer has an interest in me?  Should I have not be honest to him so early?
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2 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2012 - 3:37PM #2
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

Coco-


To me, there are warning signs about this guy; be careful.


As to him not calling you back for 3 days, yep, that could mean he's lost interest for one reason or another.


You may benefit from reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment," by Steve Harvey, or "The Rules."(forgotten the authors of the last one.)  If you google the first one, you can find some quotes from it, to give you a hint at the rest of the advice therein.


The warning sign alluded to earlier was his calling you up @ 5PM on a Friday and asking you out that night,, which tells me he doesn't value your time or give much(if any) thought to what you must do to get ready TO go out, a sign of lack of empathy or compassion, if not outright rudeness.


Sorry about your breakup and the Protection order; sounds like it was messy, to say the least.


What did you learn from that relationship, if you don't mind me askin'?


And to answer your last question, imo, no; there's no such thing as being too honest, except when telling the whole truth would be hurtful/harmful.  If someone is scared away by your truth, they're unworthy of you.


Warmest regards-


Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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2 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2012 - 9:34PM #3
Cocobebe
Posts: 4

Sep 8, 2012 -- 3:37PM, Hatman wrote:

Coco-


To me, there are warning signs about this guy; be careful.


As to him not calling you back for 3 days, yep, that could mean he's lost interest for one reason or another.


You may benefit from reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment," by Steve Harvey, or "The Rules."(forgotten the authors of the last one.)  If you google the first one, you can find some quotes from it, to give you a hint at the rest of the advice therein.


The warning sign alluded to earlier was his calling you up @ 5PM on a Friday and asking you out that night,, which tells me he doesn't value your time or give much(if any) thought to what you must do to get ready TO go out, a sign of lack of empathy or compassion, if not outright rudeness.


Sorry about your breakup and the Protection order; sounds like it was messy, to say the least.


What did you learn from that relationship, if you don't mind me askin'?


And to answer your last question, imo, no; there's no such thing as being too honest, except when telling the whole truth would be hurtful/harmful.  If someone is scared away by your truth, they're unworthy of you.


Warmest regards-


Hatman


Hatman,


Thank you for your response and advises.  You helped clarify the situation. 


Now I feel so relieved and actually glad that I did not go out with him a


second time without him giving me proper time to prepare.  I didn't want to


make myself available whenever he wanted me to.  First of all, my daughter


is my first priority then my career.  I'm glad I was honest to him early on.


This way we are not wasting each other's time and he choose to pass on me.


This is a postive thing for me because he saved me time and heartache.  I have


more time for my daugther and not just wasting time on someone who is


not serious about me.  I don't have time to date and just have fun.  I have my


responsibility - my daughter and I am at an important stage of my career that


require time to go out and do networking.


 


What I learn from the last relationship?  That's a very good question.  I've failed


so many relationship in the past.  All because I always need someone next to


me. I'm afraid to be lonely.  Now I have my daugther next to me and she's


my best companion.  I'm no longer lonely.  I may feel lonely sometimes but not


often and I have my family who loves me too.  So now I learned not to jump


into a relationship too quickly and step back and observe the person first.


In the past, I may have gone out the new guy last Friday but I didn't because


I want to make sure that he knows that he needs to give me time.  I read


somewhere that you have to be with a person who cares about you and makes


you happy and he's not doing that so why should I care?    There are plenty


of signs that told me he wasn't the one but I was just curious since I found


that he's very sucessful but that was never my list of priority of a guy.  I'm


really looking for a soulmate but I don't think I will ever find a guy who is my


soulmate.  I think my daugther is my soulmate and I'm happy without any


men.  Men have always been given me heartache.  I tend to give too much.


Hopefully if I get to date again, my daughter will help me keep my head


clear.  I tend to get lost in the relationship.  Do you think I should just


refrain myself from dating from now on and just focus on my daugther and


career? thanks.

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