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Switch to Forum Live View Should i say something?
3 years ago  ::  Feb 26, 2012 - 10:52PM #1
makian16
Posts: 1
I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 yrs. and our problem has always been me going through his phone and reading his text messages. We've broken up about it and we just recently got back together. I went through his phone again and read a sexual message between him and another girl. I am scared that if i tell him that i went through his phone again that this will be the end of our relationship. But i also dont know if I can just ignore this. Should i say something risking our relationship?
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3 years ago  ::  Feb 27, 2012 - 7:05PM #2
REteach
Posts: 15,158

What relationship?  If you can't trust him, and he is not trustworthy, why are you together? Why even tell him? Why not just pack up and go? You clearly are not going to stop your behavior, what makes you think he will stop his?

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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3 years ago  ::  Feb 27, 2012 - 7:11PM #3
REteach
Posts: 15,158

PS, my husband had the same response. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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3 years ago  ::  Feb 29, 2012 - 10:38AM #4
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Makian-
Yeah, what REteach(and hubbie) said; if he's repeatedly proven himself unworthy of trust, if he's continually betrayed your trust, broken his word to you and has repeatedly proven himself a scoundrel, staying with him would make you either a masochist or an idiot.

Remember this sentence always:  "You teach people how to treat you by what you will or will not accept."

Your acceptance(via forgiveness) of his fornication teaches him what, do you think?

So yeah, you have a bit of guilt because you broke your word not to snoop through his phone---but do you really think you want to spend your life continually looking for evidence of cheating, being Ms Detective, Chief Investigator, judge and jury(maybe executioner)?  Will that bring you happiness?

As to your original question, "Should I say something?", i'd recommend that it's far more important for your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health for you to DO something, and that something is LEAVE HIM or THROW HIM OUT.  If you wish, you can confess to having gone through his phone again and what you found there, but it's not really necessary; if you do nothing, you'll be giving him tacit approval to continue doing just what he's BEEN doing.

Most men need consequences---immediate, swift, and painful---before they learn anything.  If (when) they do wrong and nothing happens, they accept this as clear evidence that their behavior was fine and dandy...so they won't even THINK of changing anything.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 01, 2012 - 5:27PM #5
SatanicStalker
Posts: 719

If the reason you broke up in the first place was you snooping through his phone, I would not be surprised if he left that message there for you to find, as a test of whether you had actually changed your ways. 


You don't trust him, and you've proven that he can't trust you. What is the point of this relationship? 

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