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Switch to Forum Live View Low phone battery-Marlene
7 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2011 - 1:27PM #1
Posts: 3,329
Dear Marlene,
I didn't cut you off deliberately--apparently my phone had a low battery. I gnored the beeping because it usually means I have another call coming in. I just wait, check to see who it was when I've finished the first call, and either call them back or am glad I missed another political call. There are several things on a special ballot and lotsof people who haven't figured out we have a secret ballot so I don't have to tell strangers how I'm voting on anything.
I'm glad that I was wrong about your father...I assumed thatif he started hitting you when she was ill that he had done that to her as well. So consider this my apology to both of their memories.
  I think that the hardest part when my own father died was that I blamed myself and my first wedding for his death for years.Iit's only been in that past 6 months that I learned my father had sent in paperwork for disability retirement before my marriage that got lost. I met the man my mother fell in love with just before he died. She's been angry with him for dying on her just when she got him back to that person. For having lied to us all about not going to the hospital like the doctor told him he needed to do.
 I was 18. It never occured to me that he would come out, look me in the eye, and say "the doctor said my heart was down and I'm improving". Why would I have checked with the doctor? You did not question his authority. My Grandma ruled the roost and Grandpa and it made Daddy determined to "wear the pants in the family". I felt guilty when he died, and more guilty when the mariage tanked because I felt he'd died for nothing. I also had my brother-in-law tell me it was my fault and that Mother hated me for it. He made sure I knew how he felt about me when we got off the plane in Honolulu. They had a beautiful lei for Mother that he'd ordered but nothing for me. When I looked around, he said "You didn't get one. You weren't invited. "
He was an alcoholic then and a mean drunk. He certainly made me feel even worse than I did. He's come a long way from who he was then. I'd tried staying in my nephew's room, but that didn't work out, so I moved to the couch...where I was handy for his telling me how much a burden I was on Mother. Mother brought me because she knew that I was suicidal before the added garbage. I knew that there were guns in the house and I knew how to use them.She was afraid if she left me I'd use one.
 I faced that down one really bad night, but what stopped me was knowing that she would be the one who found me. And she didn't deserve that from me. I thought of how it would affect family members and that closed off that avenue of escape. My ex did call me once after sending me home--he was furious because I'd left instructions not to let him pick up my final check. I'd even left an envelope to mail it to me. I'd embarassed  him. When he cashed my checks, he'd never leave me out enough for lunch.
 I do want to talk to you again-really. I'm sorry for misreading your parents and their relationship. I was just more focussed on your pain.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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