Is 18 too young to get married? Should a person wait until they are out of school, or until they reach a certain age? This article points out pros and cons for getting married at a young age.

www.yourtango.com/20086571/the-pros-and-...


What do you think? As a Beliefnet editor, I'd like to turn your answers into a gallery, so please post only what you'd like to be published!

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts!

First, I had personal experience with this. I married at 16 to my then 19 year old husband. We managed to remain married for 10 years before a personal crisis in my own life, threw me completely off balance and I left the marriage. I was definatly too young and too wounded and needy to be married. However, I think my ex-husband was a different story. He tried hard to save our marriage, and when he could not married not long after our divorce and is still married after over 20 years. So he was mature enough at that young age, I was not. I think that is the problem with this question. What may be true for one 18 year old may be true for another.

Second, I have the privelidge of working with several young people from 16 to their early twenties. They seem to fall into too categories. Those who married and/or had children at a young age and those who  did not and are in college or college bound.  I watch the young people in the first category really struggle to make ends meet and make relationships work. Many are now single mothers.  It seems that though  they are doing their best, they were not truly prepared for the repsonsibilities they now have.

The second group seems no more ready for marriage. Most of them don't even know "what they want to be when they grow up". Many have not even declared a major or have changed it more than once. If you are not ready to declare you career goals, why would you think you are ready to make a lifetime commitment to one person.

That said, I think that marriage is overrated in America. Why do I need to be married to be happy. Can't I be single or in a committed relationship wiithout marriage?  I think its a great thing after year of marriage if things are going badly, people can pull together and put things back together. I also think there is no shame in saying, this is not working anymore and deciding to end a relationship. When people married for life, they had a much shorter expectation of life span, had more support from extended family and were less isolated in general. We live in a different world now.

I would add one caveat to this. if you have children in a marriage, i belive you owe it to them to try to make it work. Divorce is very hard on children. However, that too can be okay if bot parents can be adult enough to put the kids first after the divorce.

I'm certain there are some exceptions, but as a general rule, I think 18 is wayyyy too young to get married.

Sure, a lot of 18 year olds are mature for their age.  However, most of them have no idea exactly what they want their future to look like.  They might think they know.  But that kind of knowlege comes only with experience.  It's unrealistic to think that you can choose a permanent life partner at that stage of ones life.

Someone could get married at 18 and be very committed to making that marriage last.  Some may succeed in making the marriage last.  But I think a small percentage of them will actually be happy and have no regrets.

Marriage is about more than who you're in love with at 18.  It's also about finding someone who shares your values and goals in life.  At 18, most people aren't yet completely sure what those are.  Emotions can lead to bad decisions, especially when you're young.

Aug 18, 2011 -- 3:43PM, JanaDale wrote:

Is 18 too young to get married? Should a person wait until they are out of school, or until they reach a certain age? This article points out pros and cons for getting married at a young age.

www.yourtango.com/20086571/the-pros-and-...


What do you think? As a Beliefnet editor, I'd like to turn your answers into a gallery, so please post only what you'd like to be published!

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts!

Without specific details I don't think there is an answer.  Who is getting married?  What is each person’s state of mind?  What are their religious beliefs?  Do they have similar beliefs in how things should be managed?  How compatible are they with their future spouse?  What do they expect out of marriage?  What is customary in their social/economic community?  What plans do they have after marriage?  How responsible are they?  What is their financial situation?  Do they want to go to college?  How well do they handle conflict with regard to each other?  How well do they handle criticism?  Do they agree about having children?  Can each person be trusted to be faithful?  Do they understand the meaning of a commitment?  Do they have a sense of humor (a MUST for a happy marriage!)?  What do they feel about division of labor?  How are they planning on handling the finances?  Do they understand that marriage isn’t a destination, but the beginning of a lifelong learning process?

There are just too many variables to say what is right for everyone or even most.  People tend to mimic what they see others doing that seems to be working.  If there was a formula that worked, most of the people would be doing it.  But because you are dealing with two different individuals, raised in different households (usually), with different experiences who are entering into a constantly-evolving situation, IMO no one can say which is best for everyone.

I'm not sure I helped any.

At 18, you're not old enough to vote, you can't order a beer at Applebees, and they won't even let you rent a car... yet, it's perfectly okay to bind yourself to another human being and start a family?

I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule, but I've never met an 18 year old who was mature enough to make such a mammoth decision. There's still so much to learn and so much to do. There's plenty of time. Why rush it?