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Switch to Forum Live View How do you deal with someone who drains your energy?
8 years ago  ::  Mar 06, 2010 - 1:41PM #1
Posts: 947

I'm sure it's been discussed on here before, but can't find the thread(s)... if you're around someone who drains your energy just by being there, or with small actions, how do you protect yourself?

I've run into this situation... and it's not someone I can just cut off. I'm working in a children's recreation program, and the one who's draining my energy is one of the kids. Because of what I do, I don't interact with her every day, but some of the other staff do, and they're having the same problem.

This child has an unstable home life, which the program staff are well aware of. The picture we get from the family is that they're doing what they can, but there are things going on that even the adults can't deal with very well. So she's evidently very emotionally needy, and she acts out a lot, though not always overtly. When I'm around her, I feel every ounce of my energy going her way, with none to spare for the other kids, myself, or anything else. To make matters worse, she can be very mean to the other kids, and she knows how to do it in subtle ways.

So how can I protect myself and keep her from draining my energies if I have to deal with her? Not dealing with her isn't an option, and I already have all the help I can get from others. It's a matter of keeping my own energies intact.

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8 years ago  ::  Mar 10, 2010 - 6:56PM #2
Posts: 74

I feel for you because I really know what you are going through having once been a primary school teacher and also a nanny for many years.

Firstly, do the white light protection thing every morning.  Might even be an idea to do a de-cording or cutting ties exercise every night too!  This will keep your energy pure and ensure that anyone who has connected with you is not draining you all the time!

There are two ways to look at this one.  The first thing is maybe creating a "time out" area which is time out for you both.  It could be as simple as having a chinese type screen put up with cushions inside.  I used to have something similiar set up as a library corner.  When you have had enough of her and need a break just tell her to spend 10 minutes in the area.  This way you get a break from her and can recharge!!

Granted I did also have a proper "time out" corner where I would put the bullies or any kids that were harming others.  This was more of a punishment type thing and the area was bare and they just had to sit in there away from others.  This is tortorous for the types who gain their energy from getting attention from others!  I am not sure if this is possible with the type of work you are doing but it would be suitable when she is being unkind to other children.

The other method is one that I could never really get into but a really lovely teacher who I worked with often did it for the "difficult children".  You basically make them into your "star helper" and praise them constantly.  You put them in positions of responsibility where they have to help others and are "in charge" and constantly praise them about what they are doing.  Basically you are killing them with kindness and because they love the attention you are giving, it is almost a type of behaviour modification.

I never could do it because quite honestly there are certain children that you really just can't like.  I used to feel annoyed that a lot of my energy was going to these children because of their behaviour when I would rather be spending my energy on the children who were eager to learn.  Alot of that is also the reason why I left teaching.

I also understand what you are going through because my partners son is a little know it all and has verbal diarrohoea.  He has been spoilt rotten and honestly believes that everyone in the world is there just to listen to him!!!  Lol.  He is incredibly draining and I have tried but I just really don't like him.  I have solved my issue with him by spending as little time in his company as possible.  When he gets to me I either tune out or leave the room for a while to recharge.  I ignore a lot of his behaviour and this is quite effective because over time he has realised I don't react and has stopped a lot of the attention seeking stuff around me.

It is not ideal of course, but ultimately you do have to protect yourself!

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8 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2010 - 6:31PM #3
Posts: 947

Energetic protection is what I was asking about. Everything you suggest about dealing with the child's behavior either is already being done or isn't feasible. I just need to figure out how to keep my own energy from draining away when I'm around her.

White light is a good idea. Thank you for that.

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8 years ago  ::  Mar 19, 2010 - 3:51AM #4
Posts: 1,072

Hi MBear,

I don't know whether you're familiar with Donna Eden's book, Energy Medicine, but she has a technique known as "The Zip-Up", which involves tracing the Central Meridan in order to "zip in" your energy and "zip out" others' energies.  There is a video demonstration on YouTube.  I seem to have problems getting the videos to embed, so just in case, the link is at the bottom of the post.


"The best thing you can do for the world is make the most of yourself." -- Wallace D. Wattles

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8 years ago  ::  Apr 01, 2010 - 8:22PM #5
Posts: 156

Hi MB,

Earlier this morning I had typed out a 3 paragraph reply but after re-reading it I thought it sounded a little too personal. Really just wanted to chime in and let you know that I've been in a somewhat situation for a while. Some people in my life (work, family, even friends) have a way I feel like they rub me the wrong way. But when I get away from them I realize I just walk away feeling so drained of vital energy.

I like what one person replied about using White Light. I've thought of it but have not consciously tried it. What I have done is sat in prayer before, praying for Strength, Wisdom, and Compassion. Lately, the last month or so, I've also been approaching this stuff in a more intellectualy way. I've been coming to understand how the "drainers" are in effect just doing their thing cause they have their own issues (or maybe even karma) that propel them to react in certain ways. That's not really giving anyone a free ticket to act out, I look at it more as a buffer so I don't take their actions so personally and in doing that I'm not as disturbed by whatever they are doing. Another component to that is detaching from my own feelings. That's harder but the little bit I've been able to do has worked. It's hard to put into words but if I know I'm feeling drained because of someone else's actions or words or something I just say affirming statements to myself and in a way examine my feelings, even the tension I feel in my body as a response and I just sort of decontruct it. It is difficult, and in way this is very new for me, but it has helped and I'm going to try to keep doing this till where it will probably not be "as hard". I'm sure outside stuff like setting up a physical mini-santuary with candles around and stuff would be good too, but some my draining experiences happen on the fly to where that really wouldn't work for me. Best of luck on your journey!

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