When you have someone that you care about that is self destructing, and you're completely powerless to help? Then you have another person who's even closer to you that self injures, and you know that they entertain thoughts of suicide and doesn't tell anyone? When something happens to the first one, the second one won't hold back anymore. I'm haunted by these things because I see them, I know them, and feel so powerless. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to see one of them within the next few hours, and I don't know that I can bear being with him tonight. Right now I'm in tears, and if I do see him, I don't want him to see this. I wouldn't be able to explain it, and if I tried, it would not be well received. I feel strange even posting this, but I don't know what to do. Tonight will pass, but this situation continues, for now anyway. Normally I would most likely detach and pull away, but one of these people is my son and it's scaring the hell out of me.
there is deeply repressed traumata motivating destructive behavior. i've found a very rare kind of perspective from dr. james patterson at esochology.com, or aboutpsychology.com. that speaks of the misperceptions that we hold non-consciously within the mind. he can be reached by e-mail links at these sites, and will especially reply to troubled youth.
otherwise, the highest truth i know to reflect back to another is that, irrespective of our difficulties, we are a perfect soul, loved unconditionally by God, and forgiveness of ourselves is the way to turn toward this ultimate reality. so any unconditional acceptance that you can convey is like a salve.
does your son meet your eyes anymore? that is the window of opportunity for this conveyance, if you have it to give. there is no reality of fear when we know the TRUTH (stated above), so, if you can, look within yourself and forgive. he might be able to believe in that.
I'm writing this & hoping not to offend. I don't know what your faith is, but if by chance you are Christian pray for strength for tonight.
You might need to seek professional help for the two you speak of.
Good luck!! Be strong!
Thank you Callie...no offence taken at all. I do pray, and at the same time I still feel like my son is on the very extreme edge of a cliff, and I can't get hold of him to keep him from going over the edge. He is out of the country until Tuesday and has an appointment to see his doctor on Wednesday. He just lost his grandfather the day after Thanksgiving, and hadn't seen him for four months prior, and a year ago, my mom had passed on his 21st birthday. He wasn't able to come home for the services for his grandfather. He has some other pretty serious issues as well that he struggles with. He's going to lose his father soon too. He's not really aware of that. His dad and I are divorced, and over the years he had mentioned once in a great while that he would not live to his 50th birthday. He's 48 now, and just lost his dad. When I see him, I see how bad he's doing healthwise. He has said and done some things that I don't think he's conciously aware of, and now others have said things that point to his time being short as well, but they too do not realize the implications of the things they have said. I see it, and he refuses any kind of help, refusing to go to the doctor.....any doctor, for any reason. It's like seeing a car stuck on train tracks and the train just about to hit.
Sonyama, thank you too. I have saved the links you posted. I have read some of what is in them, and will go back and read more. The last time I saw my son, he was still making eye contact, but he's been away for 4 months. He'll get back home on Tuesday evening. There's like a really ugly chain reaction going on with this situation. I'm trying real hard to be there for them both, but for my son first and foremost. Neither of them have done anything unforgivable. I listen, I try to offer other ways of looking at the things that upset them when they bring them up, but more often than not it doesn't feel like I'm getting through. I can tell when it's time to keep quiet and just listen. I do feel like there's windows of opportunity here, and I really don't want to miss them or mess things up. The stuff with my ex is sad, but it's his choices and not much I can do there. It's the way things effect my son, knowing that at this point in his life he's not strong enough to endure another loss. I see all kinds of red flags with this, and the signs I see with both of them are scary.
God bless you dear. You have your hands full. Let me begin by saying I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I no longer have mine either. My Dad has also passed. I'm an orphan now. Don't know how close you were with your father-in-law, but I'm so sorry of the very recent loss for all of you.
Your son may be stronger than you know. Somehow or another we cope with a tragedy. I will say a special prayer for him. I will pray for you for strength. I understand your feeling helpness not to be able to get medical help for your husband. Would it reverse the illness? Or is this something that is too late. He seems to have accepted the fact of something. I'm sorry I'm still a little lost with this . I want to help or just comfort you. If this is totally out of your hands you can do nothing but just accept it. I know you have done everything you can possible do so at least youwill not have guilt feelings. Please don't, you've tried so hard!
Remember the senerity prayer: God grant me the serenityto accept the thingsI can not change,courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
If you can't get him to go to the dr. There just has to be a way. Gosh, I want to help so bad! I know you're tormented! Please take this one day at a time so not to get so frustated. Things will be Ok one way or another.
If you would like to write me and discuss this futher, please feel free. My e-mail is open to all members. That way the whole world doesn't have to know anything you want to keep private. I realize you are looking for help from anyone & others that read this may be better to give advice but if you just need to talk maybe to a born-again Christian, that would be me. I believe He is there to comfort us in our need! We just have to ask & believe. God will be there for you. He won't forsake you. Lean on Him & lay your troubles at His feet. Just release it to Him. Pour your heart out.
GOD BLESS YOU DEAR: Callielou
PS- Please write if you wish. I will be here for you!! If you like we could become friends. I don't know how many you have but I can handle another. One way or another feel free to write if you need me. That is what Christians are for, to help in time of trouble. Good night & try to sleep well.
