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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 11:38AM #1
al_crystalbelle
Posts: 3
I'm a 34 yr old single mom. I have a 13 yr old daughter and an 11 yr old son. I am in need of some help and some prayers. My daughter is a beautiful girl that would have a lot going for her if she would just open her eyes and look. We have dealt with a lot over the past 3 years, more than one person, especially a child should have to go thru. We dealt with fleeing an abusive (mental) home and moved back to the south east. We have dealt with my brother dying (suicide) and then we dealt with the loss of my father last summer. My daughter has been continuously acting out. Doing things that is wrong. Smoking, Stealing, Fighting, Cutting herself. I turned to the courts, that didn't make a difference. Sent her to a hospital, put her on meds. That didn't help either. Finally got in a good church a few months ago. Knowing this is where I should have turned to all along. I dropped the meds and started with prayer. Its going on two weeks now, and boom another call from the school this morning. This was her taking her brothers cell phone to school, texting a guy I have no idea who, talking about things 13 yr olds shouldn't be. I need to know if anyone has ever been in my shoes and what works. There is more to this story. I haven't been the best mom. When my brother died, I went into a shell to where I didn't notice what was going on around me. It took me well over a year to come out of this trance. When I did, it has been a fighting battle to gain control ever since. I feel alone, and I feel embarrassed not knowing what to do.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 1:55PM #2
PaulaEdwina
Posts: 1,720
Why did you drop the meds? Was that under a doctor's supervision?

Paula
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 2:42PM #3
al_crystalbelle
Posts: 3
Yes it was, so to speak. They put her on Zolofot back in June at the hospital that I sent her too. Honestly, other than her being sleepy and complaining of stomach aches, I did not see a change nor did the other people around her. We have seen more changes in the past couple of weeks thru prayer than we did with the meds.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 4:08PM #4
PaulaEdwina
Posts: 1,720
I'm confused; she went off Zoloft because her doctor decided it wasn't working, or she went off Zoloft because you thought prayer would be better?

I ask because if you decided to change tactics in midstream without looking at the overall strategy you might be adding unecessary complications.  Regarding seeing changes in her since; you did say she's acting out.

Paula
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 4:09PM #5
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
"so to speak"?  It either was or was not with a doctor's advice.  Don't turn to a church and expect all the problems to miraculously disappear.  Get her, you, and your son into therapy, family and individual... with a psychiatrist.  PLEASE don't think that going to church is going to fix it.
She's crying out for help.  Girls who cut themselves are screaming for help and attention.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 4:49PM #6
al_crystalbelle
Posts: 3
When I said so to speak....I was stating the hospital put her on it, not her regular doctor. Her regular doctor endorsed the meds based on what the hospital stated. He also stated that he believed she didn't need them. As far as therapy goes, we are doing that as well. I do believe all things can be done thru the church and thru prayer. This has been a long journey in the making. I believe Faith is the key to everything today, yet we all including me lack so much of it compared to the way things use to be and the way things should be.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 5:00PM #7
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
Faith doesn't help the person with bipolar disorder.
Faith doesn't help the appendix attack.
God gave us people who had the sense to come up with modern medical treatments... To turn away from them thinking "all things can be cured with prayer" is a slap in God's face. Ask the family of the little girl who died of very treatable diabetes. Prayer does not fix everything.
Oh, and "the way things used to be"... 50 years ago your daughter would have been soundly smacked by her parents.   Everyone around them would have recommended corporal punishment....  Mental illness can NOT be fixed by faith and prayer alone.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 7:58PM #8
REteach
Posts: 14,569
13 sucks even when life is great. 

Is your daughter in counseling?  Can you find someone who can do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with her?  Resilience can often depend on one adult that the kid can rely on--is there anyone else in her life she can turn to?

When my son was 16, he got into drugs.  I prayed and prayed. Nothing happened.  Finally I got angry with God and yelled at him. I told him that I had tried everything and it was his turn to do some parenting for a while. It may sound kind of flip, but I knew that God's ways could include gutters, prison, death.  I was telling God to at least keep my son in his hands.

Shortly thereafter, my son went on a church retreat and it did turn him around.  This was over 10 years ago and I'm really proud of him now.

So I guess I would offer these things:
She is God's daughter too.
Lots of people survive a lot of misery and rottenness.  It isn't fair that they have to suffer, but sometimes it really does make people stronger.
If you get a lot of professionals together and have them talk about what they did as teens and young adults, it would curl your hair.

Do the best you can, and seek help from places more concrete than an internet board.  All we can really offer is some support and some sound bites. 


(((Al)))

And do not be afraid of medication for her.  Find a Child Psychiatrist if you can.  And a good counselor for both of you.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2008 - 8:14PM #9
PaulaEdwina
Posts: 1,720
[QUOTE=al_crystalbelle;807394]When I said so to speak....I was stating the hospital put her on it, not her regular doctor. Her regular doctor endorsed the meds based on what the hospital stated. He also stated that he believed she didn't need them. As far as therapy goes, we are doing that as well. I do believe all things can be done thru the church and thru prayer. This has been a long journey in the making. I believe Faith is the key to everything today, yet we all including me lack so much of it compared to the way things use to be and the way things should be.[/QUOTE]

So this is less about fixing your daughter and more about your social experiment of rediscovering faith?

Wow.

Paula
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 07, 2008 - 6:29AM #10
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
God helps those who HELP THEMSELVES.
If you want things fixed... GET OFF YOUR BUTT and make some effort.    Unlike the US government, God will not hand out free help just cuz you pray.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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