I want some advice on what to say to friend who I feel is abandoning Judaism for the wrong reasons, and may regret her decisions later.

My friend was raised by her Jewish father and non-Jewish stepmother.  (NonJewish mother more or less out of the picture).  She wanted to be really sure she was Jewish, so she converted complete with Mikveh and Beit Din in her early-mid twenties.  She maintained contact with the rabbi who helped her with the conversion for 10-14 years through various moves on both of their parts.  She considered him a close friend. 

In her mid thirties, after years of "Matzah Balls" and Jewish singles casino nights, she decided to start dating non-Jews.  She found a great guy, raised "spiritual" with no organized religious attendence.  When she asked "her rabbi" to marry them, he said not unless the guy converted.  He would not offer any kind of blessing, or even attend the wedding otherwise.

She became quite upset. She got married...on Yom Kippur.  She is now sending me all of her Jewish books, candlesticks, etc because she  "doesn't need them anymore."

So what should I say to my friend?  We were always the two Jewish girls from NJ in the South.  We used to go to services together, etc.  I know that Judaism used to be an important part of her life and identity.

Any suggestions on how to tell her not to throw it all away, without sounding preachy?

I agree.  She's angry, hurt and feels rejected.  After time she'll remember that "hey.. I'm still Jewish" and can make some good with the life she has now.  haShem willing before she has children!  (They can still be raised Jewish!).

I feel one day she'll come to you - feeling sorry for "throwing it all away".  It would be such a beautiful blessing if you kept her things safe for that time.

Pressure wont fix anything.  Patience and love and respecting how she feels is what she needs right now.

Judaism can be so cruel sometimes.  Certain Rabbi's for all their wisdom can be such fools.

BS"D

Phaco,

Tell your friend your Jewish friends on BNet understand and anytime she wants to do Tschuvah she is welcome to return. The doors are always open. Meanwhile we wish her the best of happiness in her new life and we will be there anytime she wants to come back to a Jewish community. ;)

Also tell her you'll keep her things for her (if it's not too much trouble) for when she decides to return to her observance, if she ever decides to and that regardless of what she does she always will be a Jew and will always have a home among her own people.

Phaco

Give your friend's Jewish stuff to the Rabbi and thank him for driving another Jew from the fold. Then give him a copy of the recent study that showed that when Rabbis perform intermarriage ceremonies the couples overwhelmingly choose to raise the children as Jews.

agnon1 wrote:

Phaco

Give your friend's Jewish stuff to the Rabbi and thank him for driving another Jew from the fold. .

...another plug for "Anything Goes Judaism".

...sung to the tune of Kumbaya

Yosef